The essence doesn’t change (3)
A few more days pass.
I was scratching my head in a pile of papers.
As preparations began in earnest, there were gradually more and more things to be dealt with.
It was too late, after Grandma passed away to rest… but I wasn’t alone.
“…Asena, now go and rest.”
Asena was sitting at the table that fell next to her, and was digging through the papers.
She answered casually.
“…and a little more.”
Although she was far from healthy, she did not know how to stop.
I thought it would be like this
I expected from the beginning that you wouldn’t listen to me properly.
In the first place, it was not something I could put down immediately to stop the paperwork.
Still, I’m getting tired now.
Aside from the inconsistency of the text, sitting all day gave me a physical strain.
Even I couldn’t let Asena work in this exhausting situation.
“…what more should I do? Go in and rest.”
“Come in, then. I will see more.”
“…Asena.”
“Brother, I’m used to it.”
She looked at me sharply and said. Now these parts were also revived in her.
“It is not difficult for me. So, I’ll see you a little more.”
“……”
I scratched my neck and sighed.
I was just thinking of refocusing on what I was going to do.
“…Oh, brother…?”
Meanwhile, Asena calls me.
“yes.”
“…if you’re worried about me… just help me.”
“…Yes, what is it?”
I approach her to see if there is anything I can do to help.
Then she looked down at the paperwork she was looking at.
Asena says:
“….no. That’s not it.”
“yes?”
“……”
She stood still for a while with a stiff face, and spit out casually.
“…Give me your shoulder.”
“……”
She spoke as if passing by, but silence began to drift over us.
“…if you don’t like it, you can do it.”
After a long time, she said and handed over the papers.
“……”
I stand silently next to her… and slowly grab her by the shoulders.
“…Ahhhh… sorry. It didn’t hurt, brother.”
He paused for a moment at her moan and began to loosen her stiff shoulders.
I didn’t even know why all of a sudden I could be like this.
Is it because Asena said she gave up on me?
No, more than that….it must have been because it was hard to keep their faces still and see them lately.
Especially in Kirsi’s case, the expression I had seen while retrieving a sandwich a few days ago was still hurting my heart.
As much as I don’t want to see that face anymore, I started to accept these light requests.
“…..it’s okay?”
I asked Asena and rubbed her shoulders. Her slender collarbones and neck were touched under her soft skin.
“….yes. It’s getting a lot more comfortable.”
I nodded and continued to rub her shoulders.
****
Asena decided to give up on Cayden.
The closer he got, the farther he got, and the closer he got, the more he suffered.
In all of her emotional response, Cayden was only physically injured.
This time as well, as it was the catastrophe caused by her anger… Asena was now terrified.
In the first place, if he had given up the moment he was seriously injured while rescuing the children of commoners.
Had he given up then, he would not have been attacked by Shalon Payne, who became a commoner.
Since he can’t keep giving up, he’s only getting worse and worse.
So… on a second chance given by heaven.
Asena decided to give up on him.
So, before he really died, the ugly self decided not to approach him.
I just… decided to do my best as a younger sister.
As much as he was his younger sister, he carefully looked at the documents about the war he was going to go to.
As a younger sister, we ate by his side and talked only for the sake of the family.
As a younger sister, he took care of his health, expressed his concern for him, and recognized the women around him.
“……”
And as a little sister…
“…Give me your shoulder.”
asked for his care.
Even speaking, Asena was surprised.
The first time the devil tempted him to say that, he tried to utter another word, though he was a bit annoyed.
But the mouth betrayed her head. When I came to my senses, the words had already been uttered, and I couldn’t get them back.
Then, once again, the demon came and whispered in her ear, who had decided to remain her sister.
‘If it’s my sister, I can ask you to rub her shoulders.’
And with those words, Asena passed by so easily that it was ridiculous.
He made that excuse to himself and waited for his action.
…Kaden touched her like before.
As she promised, as when she was a little sister.
“….. ah…”
But her body did not react like her sister. At that simple touch, which she would never be satisfied with in the past, Asena let out a groan without knowing it.
And the more he touched his shoulder, the more tired he was, the more excited he became.
Even though I resented myself for this and was dirty… I couldn’t tell him to stop.
As soon as he let go of his hand, she licked her lips painfully, trying to ask for more, but she endured this.
Still, it was difficult for her to control her burning body.
It felt like I had to go get some air.
As I made up my mind… My sister shouldn’t be like this.
Because I have to give up on Kayden.
“…Oppa, I’m going to get some air and get down to the tea… Do you want to drink too…?”
“…done. Asena, get some air and just go in and sleep. Don’t come back here, okay?”
“……”
“…my brother told me. Don’t come back, go and rest.”
Asena tried to answer no, but now her body was the limit.
After giving up the promise of being a younger sister, I thought I would fall in love with him again.
Before that, Asena turns around.
You should come with some cold wind.
And when you come back here, you have to ask for forgiveness, not permission.
Then you can help him.
Asena wandered outside for a while.
Everywhere I went, memories of Kaden came to mind.
Along with those memories….the feelings we had together came back vividly.
Feeling those emotions, she let out a helpless laugh.
Now that I see it, there was never a single moment I didn’t love him.
At first, this attitude as a younger sister was the most unfamiliar.
She made up her mind by imagining Cayden dying.
That’s a future that shouldn’t exist.
It was right for you to give up.
After controlling her mind for a while, Asena returned to Kayden’s office.
When I asked him why he came back so late, he said he was sorry and thought he would sit back and look at the documents.
If by examining the paperwork a little more closely, the probability of Caden’s death could be reduced even a little…she was willing to return all her sleeps.
– Kick.
“…Brother, I just need a little more paperwork…”
First, Asena’s eyes as she entered while spitting out excuses, what she found was Kaden, who fell asleep on her desk.
“……”
All of a sudden, all her actions were silenced.
“……”
“……”
“….Brother… are you sleeping?”
The answer was replaced by the sound of colorful breathing.
Asena swallowed her saliva involuntarily.
-gulp.
Even then, he shook his head and went into the room.
What’s the difference if he sleeps?
As I thought when I came in… Asena moved quietly to look at the documents and more.
I decided to act as a younger sister.
lest he wake up from sleep.
She sat back at her desk and started flipping through the papers.
I calm my mind and turn the page…
In the next moment, she didn’t even know what had happened.
Suddenly, his legs were straightened and he stood up from his place, and his body was drawn towards him.
The moment she regained consciousness, Asena was kneeling at Cayden’s desk, face to face.
“….haha….”
Her breathing became harsh.
Even she didn’t know why this happened.
“……”
“…haha…”
his eyebrows. nose. Lips. breathing look. body odor.
…everything made her nostalgic.
“…Brother…if you wake up…Tell me now.”
Her breath wet his face.
“…..”
As he still did not respond, her body began to move freely.
Asena leaned slowly, with one hand on his desk and the other on her lap.
His mouth began to open on its own. The tongue was slowly coming out of the mouth. My eyes were also shut.
“……”
And just before it touches his lips.
I could feel Kayden’s breath. his breath alive.
Until just a few days ago, his breath, which he had never thought he would feel again, reached Asena.
The moment she felt his vitality, she could not move forward.
The body didn’t come any closer.
I remember the moment I heard the news that he was dead.
I remember the moment I saw his burnt sword.
I remembered the feeling of despair I had felt for a long time.
Because of his greed, he remembered a time when he only thought Kaden was dead.
At the same time, he feels his heart pound, and Asena withdraws from him.
Then he turned and left the room as if to run away.
She entered the embankment with a weak body.
He slammed the door shut and collapsed on his back.
“…Crazy bitch…Crazy bitch…”
Holding his head, he whips himself.
“…a year in which my desires come before my brother’s life…”
dirty year. selfish year. disgusting year.
All the swear words of the world were returned, and Asena cursed herself.
But nevertheless.
…Nevertheless, that excitement returns again.
Even if you do it hundreds of times before your lips collide, you can feel that pounding heartbeat that doesn’t change.
I didn’t come to my senses.
The pain he felt when Caden told Judy was still alive was vivid. I remembered why I couldn’t be myself, the feeling of jealousy.
He longed for the warmth he had called his name in the past. He remembered the trustworthiness he felt when he was by his side.
No matter how hard she promised herself, she couldn’t give up on him.
Even if I hit my head, scratch my body, shed tears.
still loved him Still she looked at him as a man. I couldn’t see him as my brother.
“…Uhhhh…”
And in that frustration, tears flowed from Asena’s eyes.
I wanted to give up on him…but it was impossible for her.
Asena’s heart was already tied to Cayden.
.
.
.
How much time had passed, she didn’t even know.
All she knew was that the room was lit with the blue light of dawn, and the cold air was touching her skin.
Asena stopped for a while holding her head… but now she slowly got up.
After thinking about it for a long time, there was one conclusion in the end.
In fact, there was only this.
‘…..one more time.’
she promised
One more time….I’m going to hit this dirty heart.
After all, giving up was impossible.
