* * *
Chae Seol-ha’s eyes lit up.
The red-tinted evening glow pricked her eyes relentlessly, but she had no choice but to react like that.
dojin likes me
The one word he had always wanted to hear, but thought he would never hear, shook Chae Seol-ha’s ears.
A drop of sweat runs down the back of his neck.
At the shock as if it had been hit with a hammer, her whole body began to tremble. Cigarette smoke from his dry mouth scatters across the sky.
It was the same with Yu-Jin Yu, who was the one who spoke up.
finally spoke up. I ended up doing it
But what he felt was not a feeling of liberation, but a shame as if he had been naked.
He felt as if he had crossed a bridge from which he would never return, and even felt a strange fear.
“Yeah, I… … .”
The teeth that make a crackling sound and cloud the tail, the lungs that let out harsh breaths, and the heart that thumps and makes the whole body tense.
While suppressing all of that, Yu-Jin continued to speak.
“I was scared. Because I didn’t want to go back to the life I had before I met you.”
The days of the past when I continued to pretend to sleep with my head banged on my desk without getting entangled with anyone.
There were definitely times when he took it for granted.
However, from the moment he came to college and met Chae Seol-ha and realized how enjoyable it is to meet people, he could never go back.
“So, even if there was a part that was sad or sad, I acted like it was nothing. I’m afraid that I might be hated by you for saying something wrong.”
bottom. It also shows the bottom full of twisted and sticky desires. Truly the pinnacle of ugliness.
Perhaps what comes back is not hate, but hate. He closed his eyes tightly at the possibility, but continued to speak.
“I know. I think I know what you want from me and why you want it.”
Yu Yu-jin bows her head as if to help herself.
“but… … .”
Yu Yu-jin licks her dry lips. The right hand was repeatedly held and extended as if anxiously.
“After all, you can’t make something that exists into something that doesn’t exist. I’m going to like you and I’m going to get angry at you for trying to deny it.”
In the process, they will leave indelible scars on each other, settle in one side of their hearts, and continue to torment them.
“It’s foolish to try to cover it up when you know it’s going to happen.”
It is an aiding and an insult to the relationship that has saved them countless times. It just shouldn’t happen.
After thinking, Yu-jin raised her head.
“So we have to get it right.”
Yu Yu-jin’s shaky, yet determined eyes look at Cha Seol-ha’s pupils. He tried to avoid it, but his eyes kept chasing her.
The truth she had been refusing to know came back like a boomerang and struck a corner of her heart.
“If you really value that relationship.”
Yu-jin’s words ended there. Now it was Chae Seol-ha’s turn to answer.
She herself knew it. But the words don’t come out.
“me… … .”
The flowing stillness, the words protruding to the very end of his throat, continued to enter again.
Chae Seol-ha’s eyelashes trembled thinly, biting her lips.
Among the many possibilities, there was only one possibility that she did not expect, and her mind was distracted.
“I… … .”
She has always liked him too.
It was nice to have our interests intertwined. It was cute to listen to his story as if it were interesting. The transparent and delicate way of thinking like glass was amazing. It was great to see you working hard. It was lovely to see him smile every now and then as if he was not confident.
When he came to his senses, he already had the name of the three men deep in his heart.
But he wasn’t sure he felt the same way.
Rather, I was afraid that the closer I got, the more he would come to know who I really was and that I would be disappointed.
I don’t like that, so I started acting with the name of change with only that heart.
He timidly courted him by hiding his ugly appearance with makeup and masquerading as a bubbly figure that was the opposite of his original personality.
But I was also anxious. In the corner of his heart, he was confident that he would not be chosen.
It must be so, because there were a lot of attractive women by his side.
I thought that he couldn’t like him because he was poor, ignorant, not pretty, and didn’t do anything well.
So that day, even when I couldn’t meet Yu-Jin in front of the clock tower, I thought it was natural.
Obviously I wasn’t interested, but it must have been a burden to myself. There is nothing strange about it. Because he has had the same experience in the past. I couldn’t admit it and tried to hang on to it, but nothing changed.
So this time it won’t be any different. So I decided on my own.
However, the man he had been waiting for that day was different from the man he had been in the past, and above all, the situation itself was completely different.
Even if there were circumstances, he was the one who was late for the appointment, and he was also the one who failed to deliver a message that he was late because he lost his cell phone.
The cause of everything was Chae Seol-ha, who trembled like a seizure from a recurrent past trauma and descended from the mountain without waiting for even 10 minutes.
Thinking about it now, Yu-Jin must have been waiting for her. Only at that moment, for some reason, was absent for a while.
No, the reason doesn’t matter. The important thing is that it was a minor misunderstanding that would have been resolved if we had just spoken a word the next day.
But what did I do?
No matter how long it took, he saw that he wasn’t waiting for him every time, so he decided that he didn’t come out at all, and tried to make the event that day itself something that happened that day never happened, using the excuse of being afraid. In doing so, he tried to run away from the essence of the problem.
First, he was engulfed in an absurd sense of inferiority and delusion of victimization over the wrong subject, pretending to be a victim, and expressing his anger on the other hand.
I’m trying like this I cherish you so much.
Why are you trying to cut ties with me so easily?
Why don’t you know, why don’t you choose me?
When he came to his senses, he found himself tormenting him more viciously, like the people in the past who had caused him pain.
Using the memories of the past he had courage to confess, he denounced him as a strange person who could not mix with the world, losing his will to run away, and continuously instilling distorted ideas so that he felt disgust with women other than himself.
Somehow, if he stayed in the seat next to him, he fell into a twisted thought that one day he might like him, and he repeated his mistakes.
nevertheless.
And yet you still tell me that you love me.
Hand, you’re reaching out
Yudo-jin’s face is reflected in Chae Seol-ha’s eyes with her head raised. Unknowingly, his lips melted away at the passionate gaze.
This is what it was like to be loved by someone. Seol-ha Chae’s heart heats up at the feelings she’s never felt for the first time in her life.
If you hold that hand, you will probably become the happiest woman in the world.
It will eventually lead to a true relationship by clearing up the misunderstandings that have been lingering, and whispering the emotions that have only been kept in your heart. Chae Seol-ha had such confidence.
But what about Dojin?
The wind blowing from beyond pushes away the mirage that fluttered in front of me.
Now she wakes up from her dream and sees what the essence of things is.
The eyes that had been emitting a soft light as if they contained the sea were cloudy. Like an abyss, there was no light like before.
Both cheeks were dry and gave a haggard look, and shadows fell all the way under the eyelids where they used to smile from time to time.
The sound of iron leaking out of her cracked voice cut through her chest.
You can’t see it, but your heart must also be torn to shreds and spread across the street.
That’s what Chae Seol-ha did to a man named Yoo Yu-jin for her own happiness.
what didn’t you say what’s crazy what, what was good what was ok
what.
what was the usual
That kid is kind.
He was extremely afraid of hurting others because of him, so he was the kind of person who thought of others before himself, even if he was in an unreasonable situation.
he knew it
Even though he knew his character, he turned his eyes away from the truth, rather abused it and was irrational pampering.
money.
A restaurant that operates by reservation system.
An observatory in a high-rise building that can only be accessed by paying an expensive entrance fee.
Luxury.
A dish made with carefully selected expensive ingredients.
The film received high ratings from critics.
He insisted on only what he thought was right, right, and funny, and did not try to see what he wanted or where his eyes were pointing.
I just wished for a subject that had no courage to advance the relationship.
I didn’t do anything on my own, and I was expecting only the desired results.
oh
What a foolish woman this is.
The letter of resignation, which he thought only hated, was the last signal he had sent to him. Until the very last moment, he did not give up and was waiting for him.
But I.
—Are you kidding me? this. haha, that’s not funny
He dismissed the steps he took with courage as mere jokes.
—I told you, don’t beg later and do well while you’re there. Then what if I fall for you?
He called it foolishness and ripped it apart.
—Congratulations on Dojini’s return to work!
… … .
No, maybe even before that.
There were plenty of opportunities to change… … .
It’s all my fault that we couldn’t hold that hand even though we liked each other and we still love each other so much.
But now, if I come to clear up the misunderstandings of that day and confess that I love them, what will be different?
His rotten eyes will never come back to life again. The scars I inflicted on his kind heart will never go away.
His time wasted by my greed will never come back.
What I confessed in the current situation was my self-satisfaction and only violence towards him. His ugly sense of inferiority will one day recur and hurt him again.
Chae Seol-ha bit her lip at the passionate self-hatred that climbed up her throat. But no more running away.
It was the moment to draw conclusions.
“… … I liked the club. Everything related to space, people, and clubs. To the extent that I wished that daily life would continue forever.”
He barely squeezed his shaky voice and continued speaking.
“I was afraid that my daily life would collapse if I rejected your heart. I’m afraid they’ll all be scattered. I hate that… … .”
Suppress the breath that is about to burst out of your mouth to appear as calm as possible.
“I forced you to hide your heart. I used the things I’ve done to you so far as an excuse to push you to act as if nothing had happened. I was rationalizing that it was a path that wouldn’t hurt you either, and I was averting my eyes.”
However, it is impossible to swallow only the coming regrets. Chae Seol-ha’s voice soon began to tremble with a rustling sound.
“But it was all wrong. As you said, even if I did, I’m sure it would be shattered someday. After that, I can’t even pick it up and store it. No, I knew it, but I pretended not to know for the sake of my immediate greed. me… … .”
Water drops filled with heat flow down the cheeks of Chae Seol-ha.
“It’s the worst… … .”
Tears, once started to flow, do not stop and continue to flow. Yu Yu-jin, who looked at him painfully, held out his hand, but he gently pushed the hand away as he shook his head.
“… … it’s okay.”
“Seolha, I-.”
“Yeah, anyway, because I can’t repay you for your feelings.”
A sharply forged horse cuts the space between two people. Not long after, Yu Yu-jin realized the true meaning of the words and lowered her head.
She bit her tongue to forcibly stop the tears that were flowing. You don’t deserve to cry yourself. It was only that thought.
“The severance pay will be paid tomorrow.”
At the same time as he said that, he got up and kicked off the stairs where he was sitting. Seeing him hurt by his own heart and his words was no longer the limit.
“sorry… … .”
Still, when he came to his senses, he had those words in his mouth.
“Sorry. So far, everything I’ve done to you… … .”
sorry.
Chaseol-ha was well aware that his wounded heart would not be healed by such a single word.
Rather, it was disgusting because it seemed like he was asking for forgiveness for the atrocities he had committed.
Still, the tears don’t stop.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry… … . There’s no way it can be resolved with these words… … .”
He went down the stairs, rubbing his messy face with his hands.
With every step, pain as if walking on a piece of glass is transmitted through the feet. But even this pain was not enough for her, she thought.
You will have to live with this pain in mind for the rest of your life.
“… … Even up to the station.”
“done.”
A wet and wet voice pushes Yu-Jin away. Long hair was covering Chae Seol-ha’s expression.
“I will go alone.”
Finally, with those words, he moved on to mining.
“… … hi.”
No one probably knows where that direction is.
What is certain is the fact that those steps will never again be directed toward the man named Yu Yu-jin.
It was several years.
The time that had been tied up in front of the clock tower for many years was released with just a few words.
Was this really the truth we had been avoiding, or was this what I was hoping for?
If so, why do I feel so frustrated and uncomfortable?
“… … .”
Yoo Ji-jin got up from the floor and brushed the dust off her pants. Anyway, it was time to go home.
No matter how much you think about it, you cannot change the conclusion that has already been made.
Midsummer, behind the power pole, had long since disappeared. Maybe he went home first.
Yoo Ji-jin thought so and went to her house. Then, as usual, I entered the password into the door lock and pulled the door.
But there was nothing but the still sound of the wind, the darkness like an abyss, and a single shard of paper.
Thank you so far.
A piece of paper that says
