Chapter 43 – Haeun
“You want to help Haeun?”
He asked in an anxious tone.
So far, all the people the goddess has tried to save have been caught in accidents or man-made disasters.
Does that mean Ha-eun is also in that situation?
“What happened to Haeun?”
“Not really. But one day it will be.”
“What is that…”
I was confused, but the goddess paused for a moment before answering.
“Human life does not end only through sudden accidents or the ill will of others. As a result of illness in the heart, the fire of life gradually goes out or ends on its own.”
“You mean that Ha-eun has a mental illness?”
“That’s right.”
It was sudden, but it was easy to guess what caused the illness.
“…Is it because of your parents?”
“Yes. Ha-eun, who suffered from a mental illness at a young age, has lived a lonely life with that scar. In the meantime, she has not met a single person who can ease the burden on her heart.
Ha-eun’s bright smile comes to mind.
It was because that was the only face she had ever shown me.
“I don’t understand. You’re so pretty and kind, but you’ve been lonely.”
“It’s hard for someone with a broken heart to give her easy distance to those who only care about her appearance.”
“Still, you treated me kindly from the first time I saw you…”
“Yes. Dohyeon-nim has such a special power. That’s why I chose Dohyeon-nim.”
“I beg your pardon?”
I think I’ve had a similar feeling before.
For some reason, the goddess seems to have great trust in me.
Without even having time to ask about it, the other person continued talking.
“The only thing that sustained Ha-eun’s heart was the presence of her grandmother and the hope that she would be able to meet her parents again.”
As the saying goes, when Ha-eun was separated from her parents when she was young, she believed in the promise she made with them.
A promise that when she grows up, her mom and dad will pay off all her debts and come find her.
“After her grandmother passed away, only the promise she had made with her parents remained with Haeun. Naturally, her faith grew and this soon showed itself in action.”
The moment she guessed what the action was, she asked the goddess.
“You met Haeun today.”
“Yes yes.”
“I don’t usually look into people’s private lives. But unfortunately, I was concerned about Ha-eun’s condition and kept an eye on her.”
“…”
“As Dohyeon-nim knows, Haeun-nim donates most of her living expenses to religious organizations every month. That means she looks forward to reuniting with her parents.”
“…Yes.”
“Until now, I didn’t take Ha-eun’s behavior seriously. Now that Ha-eun has Do-hyeon, I thought that the loneliness would be filled little by little. However…”
The goddess’ voice became even heavier.
“Apart from the emotional stability that Dohyeon gives, Haeun’s yearning for her parents is growing. The size of her yearning is bigger than I expected.”
“…Okay.”
“As time goes by, Ha-eun will become more and more nervous, and the more she does, the more she will try to find a means to maintain her faith. Something stronger than donations.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t know either. However, just like a meaningless donation, you won’t be able to change the mind of your parents who have already left. In addition, Haeun’s life will be gnawed away more than it is now.”
More than pointless donations.
I can’t read Ha-eun’s thoughts, but as the goddess said, instead of helping her, her life will only become more impoverished.
“That’s not the end. When Haeun-nim realizes the reality someday, the shock will be indescribable. The weight of that pain is sure to grow the longer you hold on to hope. That’s why I gave up watching and asked Do-hyeon.”
The goddess’s hands were brought together as if in prayer.
“Please help Ha-eun escape from meaningless hope.”
“…Can I?”
“I can tell Haeun-nim the truth, but I can’t heal her aching heart. However, if it’s Dohyeon-nim, it’s possible. You have special powers.”
What the hell is that special power talking about?
“What is that power?”
“Someday… The day will come when I will tell you.”
Besides those ambiguous answers, I heard a few more stories.
When I was looking for my partner on purpose, I considered the people around me who needed my help, and that was Jia and Haeun, she said.
Also, since this request is separate from the authority of the goddess, there is no need for guilt or other conditions.
“Haaa…”
As soon as I got back to my bed, I sighed while holding my head.
She knew she had to make Ha-eun stop her donation.
But how? Will you really listen to me?
“How are you doing…”
I muttered and pondered until late into the night, unable to find an answer.
—
The weekend passed and Monday came.
While Ha-eun was working hard at her weekend part-time job, the method I came up with was simple.
… Let’s try to convince them until they hit it once.
I didn’t want Ha-eun to be shocked, so I didn’t intend to tell her that her parents had changed their minds.
One day, when you’re ready to accept the truth, you should speak carefully.
Her now has an appointment with her with the goal of getting her to stop giving away.
On the same day, the late evening appointment time approached, and the place I met Ha-eun was at the bar I went to the other day.
It would be easier to drink alcohol to talk about something heavy.
“Your brother likes it too! Me too. Hehe.”
After entering the tatami-floored room, he sits down and smiles.
Ha-eun thought that I called her just to play comfortably.
I didn’t want to suddenly pour cold water on her mood, so I waited for the natural moment.
A moderately good atmosphere continued as she chatted, and when her cheeks were dyed like her peaches, she called her cautiously.
“Ha Eun-ah.”
“Yes, brother?”
“You know. About donating to the church the other day. I thought about it after hearing about it.”
“What do you think?”
Ha-eun’s voice subsides.
She knew from our last conversation that I didn’t like donations.
“No matter how much I think about it, I think it would be 120009 to stop donating.”
“…”
There was silence for a moment, but Ha-eun tried to smile.
“Oppa, we talked about this the other day… My mom and dad are working hard, but I can’t just wait.”
“I know what you mean. But I didn’t want to donate that way. The money doesn’t go to my parents.”
“I’m going to church, but that’s how God listens to me.”
“…You haven’t listened yet.”
“It’s probably because my prayers aren’t enough.”
There was not the slightest movement in Haeun’s eyes.
“Is he saying that because he’s worried about me? Thank you so much, but that’s okay. I’m fine.”
“How can I not worry. I can’t even eat properly because I don’t have money. What if something happens that requires money like when my phone broke this time? Stop throwing money away-.”
“Brother, I’m not blowing money, I’m praying to God.”
“…”
“Since we broke up when I was in kindergarten, my mom and dad must have been struggling to meet me for over ten years. What if I give up because it’s so hard? I have to pray to God to help me not to do that.”
Firmness oozes in every word.
Still, I couldn’t give up here.
“I’m not saying don’t pray to God, just don’t donate. Pray as much as you like.”
“How many times have I prayed with my grandmother? Now that I am the only one left to pray, I have to work harder.”
Our conversation that followed was a repetition of the same content.
When I told her not to donate, Ha-eun gave the same reason and did not change her stance.
The stubbornness was so strong that if it continued like this, it seemed that it would end without any solution like the last time.
… That’s not allowed.
Even knowing Ha-eun’s future, I can’t let her go.
However, the conversation seldom worked, so I felt like I had to tell the truth that I had been hiding in the end.
Hesitating, biting her lip, she finally spoke with difficulty.
“Ha Eun-ah.”
“Brother… Can we stop talking about this?”
“Your parents aren’t coming back.”
“Yes? Don’t lie, oppa. Why are you telling lies like that…”
The girl in her round eyes said in disbelief, but I had already made up her mind.
“I’m not lying, it’s real. Your parents aren’t coming.”
“Oh, oppa, what’s wrong? You made a promise with me? He said he’ll come pick you up when you grow up.”
“…I won’t keep that promise.”
“Why…”
Transparent water droplets form around her eyes.
It wasn’t because I realized the truth, but it was all about me.
“Brother, do you know my mom and dad? Mom and dad are not people who break promises.
Heavy water droplets ran down his cheeks.
I feel like Ha-eun’s tears on the floor pierce my heart like her sword.
Then her sorrowful voice also flew to me and stuck.
“I’m just doing it because I want my mom and dad to have a little less hardship. It’s not like anyone is harmed by my donation. Why are you telling such a strange lie?”
“I’m not lying. I heard from the goddess. Your parents are divorced and living their own lives. And they said they have no intention of finding you again.”
“A goddess…?”
Her eyes on me tremble precariously.
She, who didn’t believe me until just now, was shaken as soon as she heard the word goddess.
“I can’t…”
I can’t even sense how shocking my words will be to the other person.
Will I scream and get angry?
Shall I burst into tears in sorrow?
Contrary to my guilt-filled anxiety, Ha-eun calmly emptied her drinking glass.
“Haeun?”
“…”
She was still speechless.
She didn’t answer my calls, just refilling and emptying her glass.
When the bottle was empty she ordered a new one and brought her full glass to her mouth.
No matter how many times he tried to stop him, even if he took the glass himself, it was no use.
So she constantly poured her drink into her mouth and just as it was, she was unconscious.
After a few tens of minutes, she took Ha-eun to a motel room and laid her on the bed as she struggled to keep her balance.
Entering the bathroom quietly, I looked in the mirror and hit my head several times with the palm of my hand.
… Sick bastard! Can’t you just say it that way?
When she talked about the goddess, Ha-eun’s trembling eyes were unforgettable.
No matter how many times I hit her on the head, her guilt didn’t go away, only her pathetic feelings for herself grew.
When she came out of the bathroom, unable to cope with her discomfort, she found Ha-eun lying on her bed and burying her face in her pillow.
“… Ha Eun-ah.”
“Brother, let’s go. I won’t talk to you.”
Those were the harshest words Haeun had ever said to me in her own way.
However, her footsteps do not fall when she is not willing to leave her behind.
When I was standing in front of the bed in heavy silence, Ha-eun, who was still lying on her face, called me.
“Brother…”
“Huh.”
“Aren’t mom and dad really coming? They say they don’t like it because it’s hard to live with me?”
“…”
“I’m an adult now. You don’t have to raise me like you did when I was a kid. I just need to look at your face… They say it’s not enough?”
What should I say here?
Until recently, I had pushed myself so hard in the bathroom, and my lips couldn’t come off again.
“Ugh, ugh… Grandma…”
Eventually, Ha-eun burst into tears.
The sadness that her child, who was usually expressive of her emotions, had barely endured, exploded.
The sound that I can’t control the resentment in my heart.
I couldn’t help but watch her wet her pillow.
Ha-eun, who had been crying for a long time, looked at me who was next to her with her swollen eyes and said,
“Brother… Have sex with me.”
“…”
“I’m so lonely, hug me brother.”
I remember what she said before.
Saying that if you hug me, it’s good without thinking about anything.
She obviously had promised not to have a relationship with her in private, but now I just wanted to comfort her more than anything like that.
“Yes, Haeun. Let’s do it.”
She climbed onto her bed and hugged me.
As if trying to fill the loneliness in her heart, her strength was stronger and more desperate than ever.
