The essence does not change (5)
Kirsey seemed to be turning inside out.
I felt like I was going to vomit all the time, and my head was pounding.
Her heart was beating rapidly for a moment, and there were many times to surprise her, and her nose bleed occasionally.
Kirsey could feel how selfish and adaptable humans are.
The moment Kaden, who she thought was dead, came back to life, she was given the joy of having everything in the world, but that happiness gradually became accustomed to…. All that remained was the reality that he accepted even Judy.
could admit
Judy was the woman who saved him, so she was grateful as never before. Any request could be granted.
But that didn’t mean he wasn’t jealous. Every time Kaden gave her heart to another woman, it wasn’t that her heart didn’t hurt.
His gentle gaze, smile, and warmth… When all of them turned to a woman other than himself, he couldn’t stand the scene without clenching his teeth.
But I had to persevere. Because she has changed a lot.
The spirit of having to let Kaden go and the feeling that he couldn’t let go of it coexisted in one body.
As a result, she began to smile at Cayden with an odd smile.
Because they know how hard and painful he must have been when he left them. Because it’s unclear how he left the Priest Territory.
Kirsey, not wanting to inflict any more pain on him, began to bless Cayden and the other women.
…maybe she thought she might be lucky to have aphasia.
Ignoring my rotting heart, it was okay not to say ‘I gave up on my brother’ like Asena did.
As long as you just smile, it’s okay if you don’t have to do those difficult things.
So I didn’t know that the language didn’t come back so much. Because I didn’t want to talk.
But there were things that Kirsi couldn’t give up on in the end.
When he didn’t meet Judy or Daisy… His time left like a scrap was so precious.
Kayden is busy with his schedule and only has time left for fragments, but Kirsi wanted to pick up the crumbs and eat them.
So, when he heard that he didn’t prepare his meals on time, Kirsi made a sandwich.
All the servants around her tried to stop her, but no one could resist her resolutely.
Her arms, which could not even lift a knife, began to strain while slicing bread, meat, and vegetables.
Nevertheless, Kirsey worked hard with the thought that Cayden would eat this sandwich.
Worried that it might not be enough or tasteless, I prepare various kinds of sandwiches in abundance.
And when Cayden smiled and said thank you… she felt a heart-pounding happiness in an instant. At the same time, desire was wriggling.
Kirsi couldn’t figure out why his greed had no end. However, in the wriggling of desire, everything that I had endured was about to burst.
I had a desire to feed him with my own hands.
Grandma was in the room, but even he didn’t care.
But it was a handshake.
I didn’t want to hear it… Now that I found out that Daisy and Judy and Grandma and Brother’s meals were scheduled.
It just seemed like he was getting his mind blown.
She felt ashamed, sorry, shameful, and… insanely sad because it seemed like she had done something wrong.
Now, even such a simple thing is no longer possible.
was his brother. I only loved myself. It had to be your own. I’ve been watching you for the longest time. You know him best. I am confident that I will love him the most.
Because she was my sister, all of that wouldn’t work.
She was more and more sympathetic to Asena’s words.
Why is Cayden his brother?
There was no blood… Now, the castle is different.
maybe it’s ok now
….that it was her greed, she felt deeply.
If I hold on any longer, I think I’ll cry. I thought that I wouldn’t be able to laugh at that smile any longer, so Kirsi snatched the plate and started running away.
I had a feeling he was making steady progress toward the future with other women.
It was she who was still caught up in the emotions of the past that did not change.
From the next day, her body began to noticeably deteriorate.
Like I said, it felt like my stomach was turning. The nausea got worse.
The desire to speak had long since disappeared.
I had no energy in my body.
…..At last, after hearing the news, Kaden appeared again.
It seemed like she was going to cry at the sight of him who eventually appeared when she was sick, but the fact that she couldn’t have him in the end made it even more difficult for her.
It wasn’t that difficult to smile at him as he approached.
The moment I saw his worried face, it was easy to smile. Although it was awkward, it wasn’t difficult.
Then he talked with the senator for a long time.
Unknowingly, Kirsi was praying that his health was bad. If the senator tells him something serious, Cayden will look after him a little longer.
He didn’t even want to monopolize him. I would be happy if I could just look at it a little longer.
That’s what I was thinking….
“Let’s go for a walk.”
, he said.
Immediately, her heart began to pound. vain hopes began to be planted.
Ultimately, like Judy or Daisy, it’s not like you can connect with him. He was so foolish and stupid that his heart was lifted by just one word of going for a walk.
Maybe he, too, thinks he’s annoyed.
I’d be busy just preparing for war.
In the first place, she didn’t know what kind of flirting she was doing to someone who had a fiancée.
I didn’t want to bother him to fill the void that would eventually become empty.
So I wrote down the words of refusal on a piece of paper and listened to him.
However, Cayden breaks his hard thoughts so easily. Tossing the letter, he tucks his arms under his back and legs.
“Huh?!”
He forcibly lifts himself out of bed and drags him out of the castle.
Kirsi struggled for a while, but that didn’t last long.
His arms were so warm.
His warmth, which he had missed so badly, made her unable to resist any longer.
It looked like tears were coming out.
With just this one thing, her awkward smile is all broken.
I was even more happy that he forced himself out. Still, I was happy because it seemed like I was taking care of my physical condition first.
.
.
.
Upon reaching the Mels Plains, she could no longer be separated from Cayden.
As much as he hugged him first, Kirsi didn’t want to bear it any longer.
He hugged his neck tightly and sat down in his arms. The scenery didn’t even look right.
They were the flowers I loved so much, but I didn’t have time to worry about them.
If only I could get closer to him, I wanted to. I didn’t want to let this warmth go.
I didn’t want to think about the future. Even if it’s only tonight… I’d go back to the castle and separate with him.
After that, you will feel that emptiness again.
However, I don’t want to give up now. So she stopped thinking about the future.
Instead, he lived in the present. Kayden’s body odor, the texture of the skin. his breath. movement. body. I felt like I didn’t forget everyone.
I wanted to say thank you to him.
He must have been so busy, but I was so thankful for Cayden who gave up a day for himself without thinking about it.
She opened her mouth a couple of times, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to speak.
So she just hugged him tighter.
Neither Daisy nor Judy can see themselves now. If not in front of them, Cayden had to be his.
……Of course he wanted him to be his if they were there, but…she was also greedy.
“……”
Her body was still like this, but her heart was pounding.
For a moment, even if the current situation makes me feel crazy happy… again, I’m sad enough to cry. Even though this seemed like a dream, it was so vivid that it was never before.
Her desire was still wriggling. Repressed and repressed, it kept showing up.
…..Kirsi wanted to kiss Cayden right now. That disgusting, selfish thought keeps passing through her.
But she knew it was impossible. So just imagine.
I told myself to be satisfied with this.
“…Kirsi…were the flowers pretty?”
After a long time, he opened his mouth.
Kirsi was well aware that he opened his mouth to end the day.
But at the same time, he was confused and surprised. It seemed like a fleeting moment, but when I woke up, the sunset was setting.
She nodded and responded to his words…
“…..okay. Let’s go back now.”
At those words… In the end, I had no choice but to shake my head. It’s been a really long time since I’ve tried fighting.
She knew how much Kaden suffered the more she quarreled, but in the end, this was her.
Kirsi wanted to enjoy the secret meeting with him, which might be his last, even a little more.
And Kayden granted her request in a vain and simple way.
Unwinding the force that had been engulfed in his body, he sat down again.
How much longer could it have been?
“……Kirsi. Can it really be me?”
He asked a breathtaking question.
His voice was serious. I was very curious about the purpose of the question. But her head was spinning too dizzy and her heart was beating too fast to think about it.
All she could do was… answer him.
Trying to nod, Kirsey knew that wouldn’t work.
This much had to be conveyed in words. If it was possible to convey even a little more of his earnest heart to him, he had to open his mouth.
She opened her mouth from an angle that Cayden couldn’t see. I was preparing to raise my voice, but my tongue did not move freely.
At this rate, again, it would only make a babbling sound.
At that dizzying thought…she recalled her memories with Kayden.
his smile. his eyes.
The warmth he felt when he touched the ball. The happiness you feel when you are cute.
And the excitement I felt when I was with you.
“……I can’t… it will be.”
she was forced to squeeze Even if he failed, the words he spit out had meaning.
Cayden didn’t answer.
He just nodded slowly.
Kirsi had no idea what he was thinking of asking the question.
But… please.
If there is a god please
I hoped that I asked him with the intention of considering myself….
The nausea that made her hard in that light of hope. A headache that shook my head.
Everything melted and disappeared like snow.
