Like a Priest (4)
Kirsi was crying silently under the blanket.
She shed tears without a sound, making an effort so that her body did not tremble and she did not groan without knowing it.
It was amazing. I didn’t know how I could feel this feeling.
The fact that Kayden is alive, even though he felt so much happiness that he couldn’t breathe.
Also, he was very shy. In that humbleness, she also gained a new realization.
…I realized for the first time in my life that I didn’t fit in with Kayden.
He had been by his side all his life, so he was too arrogant to think of him as his.
Until this happened, I spent the longest time with him, and he cherished and loved him the most, so of course he thought it was his responsibility to be by his side.
Not realizing that he had given up a seat next to him as his younger brother… he presumably suppressed and pushed those who wanted to take over his lover.
She only knew that she would lose her place. When Kayden looked at someone else with affectionate eyes, she only knew it was losing her share.
Afterwards, even when I realized my love for him late, I thought it would be okay if I just crossed my brother’s wall that was difficult to overcome.
But now I realized
All of that didn’t make sense.
In the first place, I couldn’t even become a vessel to take the seat next to him.
His love was not his share. I couldn’t.
Either way, people are all looking for the right person for them.
Find someone in the right class.
Kirsch had overlooked that.
I was so happy to be by Kayden’s side, I just forced myself to cling to him.
Comparing herself to Judy, Kirsi only felt a sense of defeat.
The self who drove Caden to death… and Judy, who saved him.
Judy, who has always stood up to her looking at Judy, is still worried about herself and asks if there is anything she can do.
He collapsed and cried, and Judy got up and acted.
…The only thing he was ahead of was all that was given to him.
that she was born as a maiden. The fact that I was able to meet Kaden by chance since childhood. It was through him that I developed a close relationship with him.
There was nothing to offer other than that.
At first, even if there were no obstacles such as his younger sister… he realized that he was not a suitable match for Cayden.
Rather, her sister’s relationship, which she thought was an obstacle, was, ironically, her greatest weapon.
If it wasn’t for his little sister, he wouldn’t be able to look at himself like this.
Even if it were you, I would choose Judy, who shines and protects me.
It just wasn’t enough for Kayden as a woman.
When I realized that, my heart ached.
I am grateful that he is still alive, but at the same time it hurts so much.
He hated himself for not being able to thank Judy right away for saving him.
Even in that moment, I was hoping that Judy and Kaden would not become friends.
But I only thought of that in my mind.
She, too, had a sense of shame.
So, even after hearing that Cayden had become friends with Judy again…she had congratulated them while suppressing her dislike.
Kirsey patted his neck.
When she first lost her voice, she had no thoughts. It wasn’t shocking or terrifying.
Because I didn’t need a voice anyway.
Because without Kaden, I wouldn’t be talking to anyone.
But now that Cayden is back.
The voice that had disappeared was so painfully painful. I was afraid that I would come back for the rest of my life.
Even in all these circumstances, she couldn’t give up on Kayden. Even this voice should come back to try.
She couldn’t say anything.
When Cayden appeared in front of him, he burst into tears and cried hundreds of times that he was sorry, but he couldn’t help but babble.
and i love you I love you madly I begged him not to leave my side anymore… but even that didn’t come out.
It was so boring.
Judy, who can’t even compete anymore, smiles and talks to him.
Even the means of conveying his feelings to his humble self had disappeared.
Words could not convey this feeling. It was something I wanted to convey in words.
Kirsi shed tears again with a sense of loss.
.
.
.
.
“Kirsi, wake up.”
Kirsi knew that the servants had delivered food to Cayden to eat.
She wiped away the traces of tears by rubbing her eyes under the blanket.
As Cayden approached and shook her again, Kirsey reluctantly poked her face out of the duvet.
Cayden looked at her face and paused. Kirsi notices that he has noticed.
I don’t know how messed up his face is… In fact, his brother would have noticed no matter how well he erased the traces.
“……”
Cayden looked at her like that and didn’t say anything else. He pretended not to know.
….and, cunningly, Kirsty felt that he was hoping he would pay attention.
I rubbed my eyes so hard in hopes that he didn’t know, but when he pretends not to know, I want to lean on him.
But Kirsi blinked gloomyly. Because he didn’t deserve it.
Even this moment was a blessing. Incredible blessing.
When I recalled the fact that I had never been able to see him again, I felt like I was about to burst into tears.
I had to thank you for this moment…
Cayden brought two bowls of Mieum and handed one of the dogs to Kirsi.
Kirsi took the bowl carefully.
“….eat.”
He said. Even so, maybe the relationship had changed… I had the illusion that he was treating me less warmly, but Kirsi could feel the hidden feelings in his tone of voice.
So she nodded and took the bowl with her heavy arms.
Immediately after, Cayden circled the bed, dragged a chair next to her sister Asena, and sat down.
Kirsey slowly rolled her eyes and looked at Kayden.
Kayden said, conscious of Kirsi’s gaze.
“…Kirsi. eat it once Stop looking at me.”
Kirsi nodded and took a spoonful of food.
The moment I took my eyes off him for a while… I want to see him again.
Kirsi secretly rolled his eyes and looked at Cayden this time as well.
Kaden looked at… and was crying.
He was sitting next to Asena, looking down at her with a very painful expression.
For some reason, Kirsey felt like she was about to cry. It was heartbreaking that he was still thinking of them.
It wasn’t that I felt happy…it was just suffocating.
Cayden sighed deeply.
He moved his hand as if he had brushed off his hesitation.
Then, he wiped Asena’s forehead as she slept.
…Kirshi saw the gentle older brother he had seen for a long time. It’s been a long time since I’ve returned to the familiar.
“……Asena.”
He cautiously called out his brother’s name and moved his hand from his forehead to his cheek.
“…because my brother isn’t dead… let’s calm down and get healthy.”
“……”
Cayden put the food on a spoon and brought it to Asena’s mouth.
He tried to open Asena’s lips with the opposite hand.
Asena’s jaw did not open easily. It was as if my body instinctively refused to eat.
“…let’s eat, Asena. let’s eat.”
As Asena listened, Kaden continued to comfort her with a warm tone.
Kirsi stared blankly from the side.
Perhaps listening to him, Asena’s mouth opened more easily on Cayden’s second attempt.
Kayden puts a soft taste in her mouth.
“…just swallow. You can do it, Asena.”
But soon after, Asena started coughing.
“Colok…!Colok…!”
The food she had put in the hard way ran down her lips and came out again.
Caden even wiped Asena’s cheeks with a sad expression.
Cayden clenched his fists, restless.
“…don’t do this…Asena…don’t do this…”
He bows his head and hides his expression.
For a long time in that state, he did not move.
Kirsey just saw him like that and his heart fluttered. Still looking at him… I could only feel that he was in love.
There seemed to be no one else to worry about like this.
I didn’t like this greedy self.
He didn’t want anything other than Cayden, but Kirsi knew that wanting Cayden was greedy.
Cayden got up.
Then, slowly supporting Asena’s back, she raised her upper body.
Kirsi looked at him like that, and raised his hand.
“…Kirsi. are you okay. don’t try You take care of your health first.”
Then Cayden shoved herself behind Asena.
Even in the midst of this, Kirsi was surprised at the man who approached him, and his heart began to race.
Cayden, who entered the bed, relaxed again and laid Asena on her bed.
With Asena sandwiched between her legs, she twists her body slightly and gently supports her head inside her arms.
Then, with the rest of his hand, he scooped out the rice again, and gently comforted her and gave her food.
“…Asena, it will be easy to eat now. Now, ah-try again.”
Cayden’s spoon squeezed Asena’s mouth open. Unlike before, her mouth was now easily opened.
Cayden, once again, carefully spilled the food over her.
This time Asena did not cough.
Perhaps the upper body tilted, making it easier to pass food, and Mieum disappeared into Asena’s mouth.
“Good job… well done…”
Once she handed over the food, Caden sighed happily, bowed her head, and placed her lips on Asena’s forehead.
It seemed that the restrictions on his actions were gradually being loosened.
Maybe Asena is asleep, so she doesn’t know that she’s expressing her affection as usual.
anyway Kirsi looking at it…. Asena was very envious.
Her childish and greedy self was wriggling again this time.
I begged myself to stay still this time, but her arm couldn’t lift the spoon anymore.
I wanted to feel he was alive. I wanted his warmth, which I had missed so much.
Cayden was unaware of this fact, and was still taking care of Asena.
“…well done, Asena. Let’s eat more. That’s right.”
As if whispering, he talked to Asena and moved the spoon to her in his arms.
Asena, who had not been able to hand over food properly for several decades, was also eating food without resistance from Caden’s arms, even though she was asleep.
It was as if Kaden was the key to her body.
Kirsi could not lift the spoon at all, even as his bowl cooled.
.
.
.
.
“….after.”
The bowl showed the bottom. Even though it was an indescribable amount in the first place… Still, I felt a calming relief that Asena ate all the food.
First of all, how I want to treat Asena will be decided after she wakes up.
There is nowhere to look for an older brother who will leave her alone in this state of weakness and death.
Finish the meal by wiping Asena’s lips with her fingers.
In any case, she looks unique, and since she is in her arms, her actions came out naturally as before.
“…”
Looking down at her lying on her arm, she unconsciously stroked her cheek with the back of her hand.
Suddenly, I realize that I don’t normally think of my younger siblings. I’m going to be pretty meticulous. There are things that I can’t easily get my heart out for them.
“…Well done. Let’s eat like this tomorrow.”
After whispering to Asena one last time, she carefully listened to her body again.
Get out of bed and put her back on her back.
“……”
And then he shook his head.
It was a fact I didn’t know well because I was turning my back on Kirsi.
Kirsi kept her head slightly bowed and held her bowl.
There was still a lot of food left in the bowl.
She was just as worried as Asena, she asked. It was embarrassing to know now.
“…why, Kirsi. Do you have no appetite?”
Kirsi raises her head slightly to look at me, then lowers her head down again.
She looked up again, as if she had something to say, but… she was aphasia and couldn’t say anything to me.
I went around the bed to her, who opened and closed her mouth again.
“…can’t you eat?”
Kirsch shook her head.
“…Then why?”
Kirsi glanced at me once more, bowed his head… and handed me the bowl with trembling hands.
“……”
Then he bowed his head as if he didn’t care.
It was clear that the accident that happened to me had brought about many changes to Kirsi.
Even if you ask for food to be fed, you can see that they are so careful.
Of course, the change in our relationship also played a part, but the celebration of our relationship with Judy and these reactions were all different.
If I was afraid of being thrown away, would my hands tremble so much? No, maybe I wasn’t proud of myself to ask for it.
“…..”
I couldn’t act so harshly at this moment that I turned away from my brother, who had aphasia, just because he loved me.
Seeing her frozen food made me think a lot. I wondered how much he loved me and would have waited for me for the food to cool down.
This time, he brought a chair nearby and sat down next to Kirsi.
Kirsi is startled by my actions. It was a look on his face that he didn’t know how to accept his complaint.
A spoonful of miso is brought to her mouth.
Now, Kirsi stared intently into my eyes, not the food, with an expression of mixed emotions.
“…Stop looking at me and eat, Kirsi.”
As if the soul had returned to my words, Kirsi moved slowly. He opened his small mouth and put the spoon in his mouth.
While she swallows the food, I prepare the next spoon.
And while waiting, I met her eyes for a long time.
Even though he’s grown up, he’s a younger brother who eats only when I have to cook. Do you think it’s annoying if it’s an ordinary older brother?
…If that’s the case, I’m sure I’m not normal.
With a gulp, she passed the food, and brought the next spoon to her mouth.
This time, not as bruised as before, she opened her mouth and put the food in.
“…if I could eat this well, I would have eaten some before my body became like this.”
“……”
she couldn’t speak I just kept swallowing the mourning.
I ate about three or four spoons.
He opened the next spoon and looked at Kirsi.
Her mouth gradually slowed down… and a tear fell.
“ah….? Whoa…?”
At those tears, Kirsi himself seemed to be perplexed. She quickly wiped away her tears, making a voice she didn’t want to make.
I don’t know why, even I cried. I did my best not to show off.
Sadness would also have played a part.
I pretended not to see her tears and picked up the spoon.
“…ruler.”
Kirsi also sighed, wiping her tears, and opened her mouth. She seemed to be trying to calm herself.
“…you have to be healthy.”
I said lightly. The purpose was to evoke the atmosphere.
“……”
“……”
“…uhh…”
And those words finally made Kirsi, who had been holding back, cry.
