I woke up with a flashing sensation. With the sticky air characteristic of summer, I felt something soft on my cheeks. It was my sister’s hand.
A snort was leaking out of his nose, and he was fiddling with my lips.
There were faint traces of tears under her sister’s eyes, but she looked comfortable for a person who collapsed from crying all night long.
Come to think of it, I haven’t been able to sleep properly lately. The accumulated fatigue must have come all at once. I don’t think it would be a bad idea to let him sleep well and wake up.
I carefully removed my hand caressing my cheek and checked my phone.
5:30 p.m. It was still too early to get up. But I couldn’t sleep even if I closed my eyes like this, so I decided to leave the bedroom.
Alright, let’s go for a walk before the sun rises and shake off the clutter from last night.
I closed the door so as not to make a noise and walked out of the bedroom, sneaking a step, and a loud voice flew in along with the squeaking of wheels.
“Are you awake already?”
it was my father
“Yeah, what… … .”
“Aren’t you nervous because of us and couldn’t sleep?”
Father clenched his chin and let out a mischievous laugh.
“Unlike yesterday, I was speechless and blocked, so it looks like I hit the right track.”
“… … I just woke up and my head is not spinning.”
“So, would you like to see it?”
“please.”
I sat down on the sofa with a small smile. In the same way, Father smiled and turned his wheelchair to look out the window.
A gray sky was shining through the window.
“Where did your mother go?”
“When I opened my eyes, it wasn’t there. It looks like he went out for a walk alone.”
Father’s voice as he answered was a little chapped. I made green tea in the kitchen and handed it to my father and asked a question.
“You two are early in the morning.”
“At this age, sleep disappears.”
My father, who was sipping tea, looked towards the bedroom and continued talking.
“By the way, what about Dasomi? Are you still sleeping?”
“Yeah, it’s still early in the morning. You seem to be tired from a lot of work these days, but let me get some sleep.”
“Hmm.”
A soft breath escaped his father’s lips.
“I came to see my daughter flirt, but I look like a flirt.”
“haha.”
A small sound of dry laughter rang out. Soon after, my father approached me while squeezing the wheelchair and slapped me on the buttocks.
“How about, why don’t we go on a date with the flirtatious?”
“… … Yes?”
* * *
“I think I will live. It’s frustrating to be stuck in the house yesterday and today.”
Father muttered as he covered the sun shining through the clouds with his hand. It sounds like you’re having a lot of fun with your voice.
“So, is there any place you want to go?”
“You have to figure it out. This kind of thing is usually led by a man.”
“If so.”
I pushed the wheelchair with a little force.
“I just happened to know of an amazing place.”
As we entered through the entrance, we heard the cool sound of a waterfall. At the same time, a refreshing scent of earth and water tickled his nose.
From above, the chirping of birds resounded, and from below the babbling brook and the ludicrous howl of the flocks of ducks swarming between them sporadically.
The scent of the dawn and the moist feeling of the wind is really good. It feels like all the worries and worries that have been sitting in the corner of my heart have been washed away.
“You made something like this right in the middle of the city. Did I say artificial river?”
“Yes. It has just been completed.”
“Huh.”
After those words, a quiet walk continued for a while. A bunch of unknown flowers bloomed near the river.
“It’s pretty.”
my father muttered But the smile that comes when you look at something beautiful is not like that.
“But my daughter is prettier, isn’t she?”
It was a bitter laugh.
“How pretty, everyone I meet says that.”
But it would have been the best evaluation for them. Just as I can only judge the flock of ducks in front of me by their looks.
“It wasn’t like that from the beginning. It’s just that I was suffering from the sin of meeting Abby the wrong way.”
The clouds lifted and the warm sunlight appeared, creating a few lines of fine wrinkles around Father’s eyes.
The gray fish that had been hiding among the black hairs was emitting a faint light as if it were at this time.
“So what… … .”
The man in front of him seemed very small somehow.
“Sorry. I have a lot to apologize for.”
crossed a river No, it’s a river I’ve been crossing over and over since the beginning, but now I’m really crossing a river of no return.
“It’s just a face that asks why you bring up such a story out of nowhere.”
Dad smiled a little. It was a bit of a misunderstanding.
“It’s just, everything. The father-in-law didn’t trust a single daughter, so he only roasted the fields, suddenly attacked me with the excuse of his body, and tortured you for not being sexually active… … .”
In an instant, a cool energy rose from the back of his neck.
“Why didn’t you know? Did I hate you?”
“… … Yes.”
“Can I be honest?”
When I nodded my head, my father smiled and continued talking.
“I didn’t like it from the beginning. It’s like I’m doing something wrong, like a parasitic brother, and I’m weak even talking about it. Every time I opened my mouth, I was stunned, so when I looked at just one, there was no end to it.”
My father tapped my right hand with his finger.
“It may have been broken. If Dasomi didn’t intervene.”
“… … .”
“Anyway, okay.”
Father scanned my face and looked up at the sky.
“I should have cherished it.”
“… … Yes?”
“As you know.”
Even if they didn’t know, Allah was the tone of the two at this point.
“You’re a child with a lot of empty places. There are about five or six knife marks. Still, I thought that as a parent, I could somehow solve it.”
Father was squeezing his voice with a slightly distressed expression, as if he was making a confession.
“Easy to pierce, but difficult to fill.”
“that… … .”
I wanted to say something, at least say something rude and even laugh at it, but my mouth did not open easily.
‘Cause I know too As a puncher, and as a puncher.
The guilt, remorse, and regrets swirling around with nowhere to go.
It is not something that can be erased with a single word.
As I licked my lips, my father waved his hand as if not to do it.
“It’s okay, trying to comfort a person like this won’t do anything. It’s not something I brought up for that.”
However, when my face did not straighten, my father raised one leg with a sigh and said:
“… … I mean, it slipped and it happened.”
When I nodded with a puzzled expression at the somewhat meaningless remarks, my father twisted the corners of his lips as if it was funny and continued speaking.
“There were stairs in front of it.”
“Yes?”
“If I had slipped just a little bit more, I wouldn’t be here now.”
It was a slightly shaky voice.
“There’s no point in trying to grow something like muscle. Death is equal to everyone.”
“… … .”
“I thought I was going to go crazy because I thought like that. I needed to make sure before it was too late.”
Power entered the palm of my father who was holding the wheelchair.
“I want Dasomi to be happy. I want them to meet the person they love, get married, have children, look after their grandchildren, and live happily ever after while supporting each other like that.”
“… … I think the standard of happiness varies from person to person.”
Just as a father has his father’s happiness, a sister has her own happiness.
“right. That’s right. It’s such an era… … .”
My father said in a whisper.
“But living beings are designed to make you feel happy while making love. It doesn’t change at any time.”
Happiness doesn’t come from love alone, but in any case, happiness comes with love.
No, I honestly don’t know. Hearing such a sound from someone who has never been in a proper love will only make you feel embarrassed and a little embarrassed.
But what is certain is that at the center of my unhappiness has always been the feeling of love.
“Of course, as you said, there are exceptions… … .”
My father said as if declaring.
“At least not our Dasomi. You can’t love others because you can’t love yourself. So I was trying to create an opportunity instead.”
It was an unheard sound.
“Well, it doesn’t make much sense now.”
My father tapped my hand holding the wheelchair. It was a signal to let go.
Soon after turning the wheelchair, my father looked me in the eye. Then, slowly, he lowered his heavy-looking head.
“So, please take good care of our Dasom in the future.”
Don’t forget What am I doing now and what does it mean?
I have to live with the emotions I felt that day in the corner of my heart forever.
Read at nobelmtl.com
So, keep it in mind with those two eyes.
“Never shed tears again… … Please, please.”
What kind of expression the man in front of me is making.
