stopped praying. I burned the bible. Her lips parted and her cheeks swelled up. left the house
Looking back, leaving the house was not only for survival, but it was also a kind of exit ticket. I can survive without the help of piglets like you. Even if I had to rot on the roadside, I wouldn’t be like you, something like that.
A damp breeze ruffles the midsummer’s face uncomfortably. Midsummer kicked a stone by the side of the road, feeling annoyed as if he was laughing at himself. The stone rolls down the hill with a gurgling sound.
His beliefs were no different from stones. It tries to stick firmly, but in the end it flies away with a single kick.
Faith does not fill the stomach. does not provide a bed If you trust someone, you will be betrayed. If you try to take responsibility, you lose more.
No, it’s okay. Now, I didn’t want to starve because I like things like that. I wanted to sleep because even an hour was good. I didn’t want to be kicked. I didn’t want to go home, caught in the hands of a police officer who mumbled irresponsible sermons. It was terrifying to see the distorted faces of their parents. I didn’t want to get sick. So I ran away several times.
stole money for the first time Money in someone’s blood and sweat. Precious money that would have been earned by working for several days. But I was hungry.
He hides in the toilet where the rotten me comes up and devours the triangular gimbap he bought with the stolen money. It’s delicious, it’s so delicious. A pig was reflected in the mirror of the sink where he went to wipe his hands soaked in spices.
Disgust rushes through his throat. I’d rather die No, I don’t want to die. I’m hungry. A wave of entangled emotions wears away the heart.
There is nothing I want to achieve. I don’t know why it should exist. It’s been a while since I ate all of that. What should I do from now on? How long do you have to live like this? I can not know. They just run around the street, howling and grunting.
It was around that time that Han Yeo-reum met Yu-jin.
poor. A man named Yu Yu-jin looked at himself and said so.
No, there’s no way I can buy you food and get you a bed for such an absurd reason. It’s clear what the intention is. Midsummer raises his eyes and looks at Yudojin. She thought that the man in front of her was a very brazen person.
However, looking at the man’s eyes, those empty, empty, and invisible eyes that could be called a will, he felt that those words were vaguely true in midsummer.
That’s right, that’s how I look to other people. just don’t do it I was hated by my parents, I had no friends, I was locked up in a public toilet every day, sleeping, I had nothing to do, and I even robbed just because I was hungry because I was hungry for the subject of muttering my beliefs and other things. that would be pitiful
Midsummer clenched my fists without realizing it.
Midsummer felt like he was being stripped off and hanging on a cross in the square with the attitude of a man who seemed to deny the trajectory of his life by revealing his dark side.
But that’s not what I wanted to be in the first place. Yeah, it’s you guys who made me like this.
You adults are the ones who beat me, kicked me out, had the courage to listen to the accusations I spoke of, resisted my parents’ violence, and made me unable to earn money because I was still young. What are you guys looking at me like that?
The resentment and frustration that I have been carrying all along runs down my throat. The sudden change of emotions makes reason turbid, and sophistry that is not even organized properly leaks out of the mouth.
“her.”
It was after seeing Yu-jin’s expression looking at her that Han Yeo-reum came to her senses. My God, why do I say that in a country where even bowing down to say thank you is not enough?
He was like a child who didn’t know anything about the world, and he was so annoyed that he couldn’t keep his face up.
It’s all over now. want to disappear Yeah, I’d rather disappear than live this ugly. Midsummer’s lips trembled slightly.
However, Yoo Ji-jin accepted even such foolishness without saying a word.
“Do whatever you feel like.”
It was a pitying gaze, as if he was looking at a pig crying from behind because he couldn’t stand his hunger.
However, the flame soon died out. There were many reasons, but the lack of ‘firewood’ was decisive.
He was a rotting tree.
At first glance, it looks like a healthy tree because it has a moderately large and hard bark, but if you look inside, there are a lot of empty places, and the roots are thin as they get thinner and you can’t even control your body.
Even if you cut down such a tree and light a fire, it will not go far enough that it will go out with a fish-like and steaming sound.
But others were unaware of it. They still cut down the trees and even scratched the bark with dissatisfied eyes as to why they had not prepared this much.
Of course, Midsummer was looking at it from afar, so he couldn’t figure out exactly what kind of situation the man was in, or why he was dragged around in frustration without a single word of dissatisfaction.
He only vaguely speculates through the greedy eyes of women who treat him and the sleep talk that men occasionally shed.
Then one morning it was. The man was lying among the sour-smelling vomit. His whole body burned like a ball of fire from a volcano, and his face turned pale and he let out a thin moan.
It was a scene like hell, which would have surprised an ordinary person, but Midsummer’s head was colder than ever. Yeah, nothing surprising. I want to die, but I don’t have the courage to die, so I wait for death to come.
It is not strange that death comes to a coward who repeats only such negative thoughts.
In fact, the man’s face was contorted with pain, but on the other hand, he had a strange smile as if he was relieved of something.
It seemed as if he was welcoming death that had come to him with open arms.
If you leave it like this, this man will die. Unknowingly, he died quietly under the moonlit window, devoured by flies, and a few days later, he was found by a neighbor who came to complain about the rot that came out of the room, and he will be placed at the bottom of the crypt where no one visits.
You are so absurdly selfish, a man like you.
In the heart of midsummer, the blue flame begins to burn again.
Midsummer wiped the man’s messed up face with vomit, and wrapped the man’s body round and round with the blanket lying around in the corner.
In the process, sticky vomit got on my hands and I felt nauseated by the disgusting smell that filled the room, but the midsummer did not stop.
yes you can’t die can’t die ‘Cause it’s easier when you’re dead I can’t tolerate that. So you’re saved by a piglet you thought was pitiful, and you’re going to live tomorrow.
While trembling at the agony of death that draped over his neck last night, he must also despair at the fact that he had been deprived of the opportunity he had been given. And then you realize, how cruel you were to me last night.
When that happens, you have to laugh and laugh. Midsummer giggled with an evil smile on his face.
After half a day, the man woke up and blinked his eyes blankly, like a man in a frenzy. Heh, I guess I didn’t expect it at all. aren’t you embarrassed? It looks like you want to pretend it’s okay, but I know everything.
As expected in midsummer, after a while, small water droplets began to flow from the man’s eyes.
Look. You act like you’re smart, and you’re no different from me in the end. I can’t get over it, I don’t have the courage to change the situation, so just keep running. Who the hell is pity on whom?
okay.
i’m not pitiful
You are not pitiful either.
No need to panic. There’s no reason to resign. It’s not us that’s bad, it’s a world that doesn’t condemn the bad guys. So don’t try to kill yourself. When you die, nothing changes.
Cry, vomit out everything you’ve put in your heart, and get very angry with the person next to you.
Isn’t it humiliating to be treated like a poor person? Do you want revenge? live with it He holds his head up stiffly and breathes even if it sounds like a dick, aiming for a chance to get revenge. Just like you did me that night, I’ll do it this time.
It burns everything and rises again.
It was midsummer, but as the night passed and the excitement subsided, I realized that the conclusion was somewhat at odds with the main point I had written so far, but I decided not to care.
Anyway, he was just saying what he wanted to say. After all, no one lives in an orderly manner. all are inconsistent
Yeah, we need to be a little more brazen. I have to accept myself instead of being shy no matter how others see me. If there is something you want to say, say it, and if there is something you don’t like, say no.
After all, if you put restrictions on things like responsibility, guilt, or rules and norms, no one will notice. In a country where even worse people live proudly without being punished.
That said, I don’t want to become a villain who does bad things, but I don’t think it’s okay to live a little arbitrarily.
Read at nobelmtl.com
No, I don’t know either. His life was too biased and fragmented to judge what was right and what was wrong. But there is no reason to die either. That’s enough.
Midsummer got up and saw a man sleeping in the corner with a clunking noise. The shadow of death that had risen to the chin had disappeared as if its very existence was a lie.
Now all he had on his face were puffy eyelids, tear marks, and dirty eye mucus that could be seen through the crevices.
Suddenly, I wanted to see something clean. The clear thing is the moon that embroidered the night sky. Midsummer went out and opened the window. And midsummer twisted the corners of his mouth without realizing it in the innocent wind that clings to his face like waves crashing. hey cool
Yes, all you need is this wind. No matter how humiliating you are during the day, no matter how angry and frustrated you feel, the wind blows when the sun goes down. With that freshness, I can live tomorrow. Why have I not noticed this simple fact until now?
Obviously I was thinking too much. I couldn’t even think of the simple idea of opening the window since I was filled with all my worries and worries.
As if in response to a midsummer smile, a strong wind blows once again. With my chin relaxed, I leaned against the window and waited for a long time to enjoy the wind, when I heard a coughing sound from the corner. it was a man
“Ike.”
Midsummer, startled, closed the window and checked the man’s condition. It looks like he is still sleeping without knowing the world with dirty eye mucus. What do you see beyond those eyelids, and what kind of dream is the man wandering in right now?
I can not know. Just as a man cannot understand himself, he cannot understand a man. No, human beings are like that. We cannot fully understand each other.
I don’t know why the man picked him up, or what intentions were contained therein. But that’s not what’s important.
No matter how it started, it was this man who eventually saved me the moment I let go of everything, and rekindled the fire in my heart that was left with nothing but ashes.
So I was able to think again and came to a pretty good conclusion.
I don’t think I want to repay the favor. Because I know very well that it is a very presumptuous idea. It would only be a hindrance for an immature young child with no money and no experience to pay back the silver.
However, as a senior who realized first, he might be able to push him not to skip meals next to him, make things to do while having an accident, wipe the tears that sometimes flow, and even help him until his burning heart subsides.
“… … crazy year.”
The footsteps I took one by one along the alley came to a sudden stop. Midsummer bit his lip in the rushing shame. It’s really cheeky. Too dry. Midsummer couldn’t stand the desire to beat her past self.
A woman with her black hair hanging down was waiting for a man on the hill. that’s the girl A crazy woman at a department store who was arguing horrifying words to a man.
Looking at his empty eyes and muddy hair, he must have been more out of his mind than he was back then.
Midsummer turned his head and looked at Yudojin. His hard eyes and clenched hands showed that he was nervous.
yet, yet I don’t know what happened, but this man needs a little more time.
You need to rest a little more, focus your energy on the mundane things, and soften the disturbing emotions. If you try to come to a conclusion in a hurry without calming down, you will only go down the wrong path.
After all, I’ll have to step forward like that. It was the moment when the midsummer, who had come to a conclusion, stepped forward towards a woman.
“Wait a minute.”
The man restrained midsummer and walked to the woman on the hill without hesitation and started talking to her.
It was not difficult to predict that the result would be different from the last time from that determined look.
… … how?
How could a man who was squeezing while watching a movie just two days ago go so fast.
You were the same kind of person as me, weren’t you?
But he was an adult. Unlike himself, who holds trivial things in his heart and clings to it forever, an adult who can quickly blow away his wounds and walk out with dignity.
I was ashamed. The thoughts and actions he had been doing until now were like a child’s delusional play, and he became unbearably ashamed.
Midsummer escaped from there. Why did I make such an illusion? Wouldn’t you like to bring down a decent person and treat them the same as failures like yourself, or do you pretend to know anything about such a subject and act arbitrarily?
If I really wanted to help him, I should have ended the relationship sooner.
If you make a mistake with a runaway teenager like yourself and get reported by someone, that would be an irreversible catastrophe. Why didn’t I notice that fact earlier?
That’s definitely it. He was trying to fill the emptiness in his heart by using others to fill the emptiness of self-esteem that fell as soon as it fell. Really, every thought is hideous and gloomy. He is no better than a piglet who secretly hides in the backyard and digs up food waste.
Unlike oneself, who cannot live without demeaning others, that person is different. You have the courage to accept your weakness and move on. You have the skills to get a job in the company. There is someone waiting for you. I have money and a house.
How can I become such a person? Perhaps, as time goes by and you become an adult, you may change yourself.
So, how many nights do you have to run away, steal money, hang out on the street, go home, cheat, lie, and spend so many nights alone?
I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t know anything. I feel like I will always be a child no matter how much time passes. That doesn’t mean there’s no such thing as a cute little kid, though, so it would be more accurate to call him an unlucky kid who wants to be kicked.
let’s die Throw yourself into the river and die. Now I’m fed up, this life, this life! However, when you go up to the bridge and look down at the river, it is obvious that you will come down because you are afraid of the lingering lumps of water. And then they will steal the money.
Gently wipe away the tears that flowed out with the palm of your hand. The only liquid that retains heat in its own body that has rotted and cooled. But even that would be blown away by the wind.
Ah, you’re leaving too. flows down Jijo, his heart, and his pride, who have carefully guarded his steps and face, flow down and seep into the darkness of the alleyway.
That was the moment.
“midsummer.”
soft and squishy moist yet hot. Such contradictory sensations come together to wrap the palms of midsummer.
Yu Yu-jin stood in front of Midsummer, who turned his head in surprise.
what? wet it Upset. Why is this person here? I was shocked. that girl? hot How about what
In the midsummer’s mind, unorganized thoughts crawl out. However, the swarm of insects was soon swept away with the blood that flowed from Yu Yu-jin’s palm.
It’s not just the palms. hair, face, arms, legs. His entire body was mangled with dust, bruised wounds, and blood. Why the hell did you come to see yourself like this?
… … I decided to leave so that this wouldn’t happen.
Why is this man trying to humiliate himself until the very end?
“What are you doing now?”
Midsummer did all he could to shake off the palm that was holding him. Yoo Ji-jin started to lick her lips with a bewildered expression at the violent rejection reaction that exceeded expectations.
“Ah, so, that… … .”
Yu Yu-jin, who was hesitating, shook her head quickly and handed the bill she was holding to Han Yeo-reum.
“Is this yours?”
Midsummer’s eyes widened when he saw the bills. my emergency fund. The last bastion that was saved to be used at the last moment of the end. when did you drop it Seriously, it’s like a bastard who can’t keep a single money properly.
Midsummer frowns at the rushing disgust. And then I was embarrassed again. This man just came to return the money. In order to completely end the relationship with me without leaving a single trace or room.
Yes, that’s natural, but I’m alone again with a strange illusion.
“okay.”
Han Yeo-reum snatched the banknote from Yoo-jin’s hand and walked to the other side.
“Wait, I still have more to tell you.”
Yu Yu-jin rushes to speak, but Midsummer’s footsteps do not stop.
“Hey.”
“excuse me.”
Midsummer looked into Yu-Jin’s eyes with an irritated voice.
“I won’t go anywhere and talk about you, so that’s about it.”
“What?”
“What is it, I’m here to stop because I’m afraid I’m going to report it. I pretended to be bluffing, but in the end, I was scared, didn’t I? All right, I have that kind of conscience. So don’t bother me now, let’s go.”
“No, it’s not like that. What I wanted to say was—”
“Then what? Why are you doing this to me?”
“So, that’s… … .”
The twinkling lights of street lamps cast shadows on Yoo-jin’s face. He clasped his palms for a moment as if anxiously, then opened his mouth slowly.
“… … Let’s go back.”
At that one word, Midsummer’s mind is once again dyed with confusion. confused I have no idea what the hell this guy is thinking. Yes, what advantage does it have to me?
No, I know that I am not a person who moves for profit. It’s funny to think like this from the position of having just met, but somehow, I could tell that he was that kind of person.
So I don’t want to ruin it any more. Whatever the reason, it’s good. It’s just that I don’t want to catch someone who can barely move forward.
“So… … . Did you run to the point where you were trying to catch a runaway teenager who had met you less than two weeks ago? You have to lie in moderation, who do you know as an asshole?”
Midsummer twisted his lips with an expression of absurdity.
“If you pretend to be naive and do good things a few times, how do you think you can do it? No, can you act like that because you have experience? It’s ridiculous.”
Yudo-jin turned her head as if she couldn’t refute it at midsummer’s rumors. Obviously, from a third person’s point of view, it must be seen that way.
“… … I’m not asking you to trust me completely. As you said, it is true that the situation is difficult to understand. still.”
“Noisy. You are the same. They pretend to be kind in the world and just spit out their words, but after that, they will all be thinking like garbage.”
The new voice trembled thinly and spread out.
“I know, if I hadn’t run away from home, nothing like this would have happened. It’s all my fault. Still, I didn’t want to be like this from the beginning! I also wanted to be at home just like everyone else. I didn’t want to be homeless or pickpocketed! I mean, I wanted to earn money with my own hands and live like that… … .”
The abusive language that he had originally tried to spit out in a moderate way to push Yu-Jin away, bit his tail and eventually turned into resentment.
“But it’s scary, so I came here because I thought what would happen if I continued living like that. Everyone is just muttering irresponsible things, no one helps, and there’s no place that hires a child like me even if they want to earn money… … ! Why, why do I have to live like this? Why am I so unlucky? Why… … .”
A voice that seemed to go out at any moment resounded softly.
What should I say? How the hell am I supposed to help this girl? Yu-jin did not know. In the first place, I don’t have enough talkers to give me such wonderful advice.
I just had to say what I had to say.
“sorry.”
Midsummer’s eyes widened at the apple that felt a bit out of context.
“what… … .”
“It was all lies. That’s why he helped you. It’s not that I’m sorry In fact, I was helping you with a much more sinister and vicious purpose than that.”
For some reason, I didn’t want to hear it. When they parted, even if they broke up, at least in his heart, he wanted to remain a ridiculously naive and stupid man.
After hearing Yu-Jin’s story, Han Yeo-Reum bit her lip.
“There was a girl who was bullied because of me. I wanted to help, but the more I tried, the more it got messed up and eventually ruined everything… … . From then on, whenever I did something, I kept thinking of that experience over and over and I couldn’t stand it.”
Yu Yu-jin continued speaking as if squeezing her voice with a very distressed expression.
“Maybe I wanted to get rid of that regret through you, that I can do it too.”
“… … All right, now.”
Midsummer turned his head as if he didn’t want to hear it anymore and started trudging out.
Well, it would be natural for this to happen. The gap between the two of them was widening even at the moment Yu Yu-jin was standing with a sad heart.
No, no. I have come this far and there is nowhere to go down. At least do what you have to say. With that in mind, Yu-Jin started chasing after Midsummer with a slow pace.
“But you are a good boy. He’s too good to be treated like that by me. You give back as much as you receive, so you make a reason for it, but that’s not something anyone can do. At least I can’t.”
“Because you can make a living by doing that.”
Even if I don’t like it, if I don’t please others, I can’t get a single meal.
“Okay, whatever the intention, it was because of you that I was able to think again. That’s true. At least for me, you’re a good guy.”
Yu Yu-jin continued to talk to her back, which was shaking precariously in front of her.
“So I hope you are well. I don’t want you to feel sad about being treated unfairly. I don’t want to be hungry or to be homeless. I.”
“Do something!”
A watery voice echoes through the alleyway.
“So, what will be different then? nothing changes anyway without the right or responsibility to do so. What you’re doing right now is just a crime. Knowing everything, don’t say things that you can’t even take responsibility for… … .”
“… … yes i know It’s off topic. I don’t have any plausible plans. Even if I go back now, I don’t know how to help you. I have no idea what I can do to change this situation.”
It is clear that there is nothing he can do for this child at a time when the police have not been able to solve it. I would like to plow it all down, but that may give this child even greater adversity.
A sense of helplessness imprinted in the middle of his chest like a stigma flows out and grabs Yu-Jin’s throat.
“Still… … .”
But is it right to just look at it like this? Since that’s the rule, there’s nothing we can do, so should we just masturbate and watch him disappear into the dark?
No, no. Such a choice is truly wrong. At least in my world it is.
I know it’s a sophistry based on a clumsy emotional theory. It is also true that there is no adequate basis to persuade others. It did though. It doesn’t matter. just.
“I don’t want it to end like this again.”
I don’t like it. I don’t want an ending like that. That’s enough.
Yu Yu-jin held her midsummer’s sleeve and spoke softly.
“What… … .”
“Of course, I will take responsibility for that. If someone raises an issue with my behavior, whether it’s the police or something, I won’t run away. Instead, I’m going to ask you about them leaving you alone.”
Yu-Jin took a deep breath and continued speaking.
“I’m going to do it as long as I can.”
Yudojin closed her mouth for the last time.
weak. If I try to shake it off, I have to say that it feels like I’m being pinched by thin tongs that I can shake off as much as I want.
It’s not a coercion, it’s an invitation or a request. If even this is rejected, the man will give up. will give up
In the first place, being an adult holding on to the hem of his sleeve saying that he would take responsibility for the runaway youth is so disgusting that he vomits. Even after eating so much swearing, I feel nauseous and pathetic to not be able to properly express my anger.
Midsummer began to remove the fingers holding her without looking back. Every time she removed her finger, the thin breath that flowed out tickled her ear.
“… … .”
I can’t.
I only need to remove one more index finger in the future, but I can’t do it.
Because I am a bad-hearted person. Even though he knows it’s not right, he’s a nasty person who feels joy because of that.
“I don’t know… … .”
A hot breath erupts from the throat of midsummer.
“I don’t know what to do, I don’t know… … .”
Yu Yu-jin opened her mouth with a firm expression at the painfully resounding voice as if asking for an answer.
“I’m sorry, but I don’t know.”
With those words, Yu Yu-jin took hold of her index finger and removed Midsummer’s slender, shaky finger.
Midsummer’s shoulders twitched and jumped upwards at the sudden stimulation, but after a while, they slumped.
“So, let’s think about it together. There’s no rush. If you eat, sleep, and think slowly, someday… … .”
Yu Yu-jin said so and carefully grabbed Midsummer’s palm.
“Anything will come.”
