“Baby, it’s hard to see your face.”
A small party held at a pub near the school to celebrate the end of the school year. Instead of a dish, there was something covered with the leather on the table.
Pieces of giblets that have dried up due to roasting for too long, tteokbokki full of soup, fish cake soup with no fish cakes. All of them were just chumsae to make the drink stand out.
Yes, only alcohol. From morning to evening, whenever I have free time, all I can do is talk about alcohol. It seems that human relations are not progressing unless that guy’s alcohol goes into it.
But I was a person who hated alcohol terribly. The taste was so bad that it twisted the tongue when swallowing was part of the reason, but most of all, I didn’t like the cloudiness of my mind when I drank it.
An unpleasant sensation as if someone has entered my head and forcibly manipulated my emotions, which in turn provokes physiological rejection.
“I, uh, I didn’t know that, and I did everything that bastard asked me to do, uh uh, you bastard… … .”
A woman’s sobbing is heard from the corner of the bar. People sitting around raised their voices and comforted the woman.
Yeah, that’s why I don’t drink because I don’t like it.
I’m afraid that my ugly nature that I’ve been hiding might be revealed… … .
I left my seat and got up. As soon as I came out, the chilly winter wind hit my face. As I was about to take out a cigarette and light it, a man’s playful voice rang in my ear.
“Baby, it’s hard to see your face. If you come, you have to tell me, why are you shooting alone?”
“If I were there, the atmosphere would only be cheaper. What?”
It was Park Jung-woo, my motive, who became a central figure in the department with his characteristic innocent attitude and humorous wit despite the bad conditions of his small body.
I used a lighter to light the cigarette butt that Park Jung-woo was holding.
“Look at what this guy is saying. Then why are you here today?”
“just. I came here because I thought it wouldn’t be a bad idea to come to a place like this at least once, but it’s not right.”
He was a man with a good heart enough to talk to me, who didn’t have a good image in the department, so I also had the intimacy enough to share a few words when we met face-to-face at school events or lectures in this way.
“… … Then can I put some plates on it?”
Park Jung-woo, who was smoking a cigarette and glaring at my face, opened his mouth carefully.
“yes?”
“No, you too will have to start over and live again soon. I don’t have any bastards to hate you anymore, so don’t suffer alone—”
“it’s okay.”
I continued speaking, exhaling the smoke I had in my mouth.
“From the beginning, I have never done such a thing as an overworked life, so what else do I have to say?”
“Let’s start with this opportunity. Do you know that there are many children who are interested in you after listening to Dasomi noona?”
“Okay, it’s hard for the people who are there right now, but if I add more here, I just get tired.”
Hearing my words, Park Jung-woo mumbled softly.
“The people of the movie club?”
“yes.”
“Is it fun? there.”
“yes.”
“… … That’s it.”
Park Jung-woo takes a deep breath. Cigarette smoke billowed out and obscured the moon.
“So, how is it?”
“what?”
“How are you with the club members? That’s why you came today.”
“What? No, I… … .”
“It’s crazy. I looked at you and saw that you haven’t been drinking since before and you’ve been staring at other tables all the time. There are so many people, I don’t know who they are looking at.”
Park Jung-woo’s sharp point made the conversation cool.
As the guy said, the reason she participated in today’s drinking party was partly because she was concerned. Maybe I could create an opportunity to get to know you a little more.
As a result, there was no income.
“Baby, look at how your face turns red from just one word. You seem to like it a lot.”
“Sigh.”
His demeanor, as he continued to talk as if he was funny, was disgusting.
“Who are you, so?”
“what.”
“No, I was wondering if my brother would help me. Am I not on the yard again? If only you… … .”
Park Jung-woo, who made the corners of his eyes like a half moon, taps my shoulder.
“Well, I can’t say anything. It’s a joke, kid. straighten your face I’m sorry.”
“… … Chase.”
“What?”
I should have closed it and passed, but I ended up putting her name in my mouth.
Maybe it’s because I’ve kept the name of the three characters in the corner of my heart for too long. That’s why I didn’t want to drink.
“Isn’t it strange?”
“Oh, no. not that, um. I was a little perplexed.”
“It’s okay, I know it’s weird.”
“Hey, it’s not really like that. What is it, I knew he was a strong-willed bastard, but I must say that I didn’t know he could say it so clearly.”
Park Jung-woo scratches his nose as if embarrassed.
“Yanmar, then, sit down next to me and pour a drink or something. He said he had to show that he likes him, so he would know.”
“… … .”
“Hey, if you mess around, you lose it to someone else. Even now, look over there.”
Following Park Jung-woo, I looked into the inside of the bar and saw Chae Seol-ha smiling happily while making bomb wine.
Sitting next to him is a male student who has a reputation for being handsome in class. He continued to talk to Chae Seol-ha, forming a friendly atmosphere.
Then, I saw him holding Chae Seol-ha’s cell phone and typing something. Do you want to exchange phone numbers?
“Wow… … . How long has it been since you broke up with that bastard, and are you already working on another woman?”
Park Jung-woo puts saliva on his lips as if he is stuffy.
“Let’s go in quickly. If you leave it as it is—”
“What should I do?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Whoever does the work is up to Seolha to decide, and it doesn’t matter what happens if I don’t like it.”
not sincere
I don’t really like it. Just seeing a man other than me sitting next to her under her tongue makes her internal organs feel twisted. As Park Jung-woo said, I want to break into that place right now and grab Seol-ha’s hand and get out.
But in the end it is terrifying. If Seolha had even the slightest interest in that man, I would rather have been a hindrance.
If my relationship with Seolha is cut off for nothing, will I be able to survive? I’d rather be able to see your face once in a while if you keep friends like this.
Numerous stories of failures in the past, where everything went wrong by rushing ahead, were holding onto my legs.
“Yes, you… … .”
Park Jung-woo, who had a frown on his face as if he was tired of my pathetic attitude, was about to continue speaking, but the door of the bar opened wide with a rattling sound.
“Oh, you were here. When I asked where you went, did you go to smoke? If that’s the case, I’ll call you.”
“uh? no no what is that I think you are busy.”
was mined. Park Jung-woo, embarrassed by her sudden appearance, mumbles while waving his arms.
“yes? Oh, there was also Jungwoo. I’m sorry, I was talking, but Dojin will borrow you for a while.”
“Uh, yes, yes. are you okay. I didn’t have anything else to say, but that’s fine.”
As soon as I finished speaking, Chae Seol-ha grabbed my wrist. A warm feeling spreads through the palm of your hand.
“Come on. If you’re in a bar, you’ve got to drink. You’re only smoking some guy’s cigarettes.”
The face of Chae Seol-ha with a mischievous smile on me was very beautiful.
“why?”
“Nothing.”
I felt sympathy for Seolha. I can’t express exactly what it is, but I thought that she and I would be similar no matter what.
But the snow has changed. The dirty hair that had been covered with oil was transformed into shiny, straight hair, and the black sweatshirt that had fluffed up from wearing it too much has now been replaced with a stylish coat.
Unlike me, who was caught and stopped in the past, Seolha continues to run forward.
One day, when Seol-ha becomes aware of the gap, what kind of expression does she have when she is disappointed with me?
Just imagining it made me unbearably afraid.
“Why are you doing that, you got something on my face?”
In that way, Seol-ha’s voice erases the scenery of the bar that was wandering through her head. Bright blue eyes stared straight into my face.
“No, nothing.”
* * *
“I’m sorry. I wanted to go with you, but my father came to pick me up.”
“Baby, I’m sorry for something like that… … . Go quickly, Dad, I’ll be waiting for you. Knock it in.”
“I see. So, see you in two days.”
We watched Ga-ryun for a while and then moved on.
“It’s cold, it’s cold, it’s cold, it’s cold. When I get a job, I have to buy a car first.”
Seol-ha, standing next to her, blows her breath and murmurs in a bustling manner. Unknowingly, I burst into laughter at the cute appearance of a tentacle bird.
“Cut what? Even if I go there and ask for a ride, they won’t burn it.”
Then go there, huh?
Read at nobelmtl.com
If so, will my seat be the front passenger seat or the back seat? If it’s the back seat, who’s sitting next to you?
“hey.”
“uh.”
“What are you going to do tomorrow?”
When I woke up, I was asking that question.
“What are you doing? I want to watch a movie warmly on the electric blanket.”
“It’s dull.”
“… … Seeing that, it seems that our Dojin-san has an appointment?”
Seolha glances at my face and says.
“No, there is not.”
“okay… … .”
Seol-ha, who heard my answer, smirked. What makes my misfortune so enjoyable? As we walked while exchanging nonsensical stories like that, we were in front of a subway station.
“Then see you in two days. Have a good Eve.”
Seol-ha, who greeted her in a playful tone, turned her back and headed for the ticket gate. And I.
“Wait a minute.”
“yes?”
In the silence that followed, Seolha pouted her lips.
“Oh, why are you doing this? It’s already too cold to die, so what are you doing while calling someone?”
“that is.”
It was definitely me who called it, but I couldn’t figure out why. It was just that I spit out words without realizing it in the vague regret of beating my heart.
“that… … .”
i’m weird different from ordinary people. I wanted to strangle myself when I found out that the normality of other people was ideal and insignificant to me.
There were times when I yearned for mediocrity and struggled, but it all ended in failure. Everything I did was full of mistakes, and I was afraid to deal with people.
I don’t know how to explain my ugly nature like that. Because now I am acting as an ordinary person. And I have already known through countless experiences the fall and despair that Seolha will feel when she gets to know the real me and disappoints her.
For a coward, the fear of losing is more concerned with the joy of gaining something than the joy of gaining it.
know. Know. I know.
“Tomorrow.”
More than that, I hated imagining her walking down this street holding another man’s hand.
Seol Ha-man didn’t want to miss it.
“Would you like to go see a movie? He’s bored just staying at home.”
So, take the courage to take a step forward with a prayerful heart.
“What?”
Hearing my words, Seol-ha blinked with a puzzled expression in her eyes. Every time her eyelids went down, I was trembling like a prisoner on a guillotine.
As the silence gets longer, the heart aches and it is difficult to breathe properly.
“No, the movie. Newly opened.”
“… … .”
I bowed my head. It was because he was afraid to see Seol-ha’s bewildered expression.
“Oh, nothing. Then see you in two days—”
“… … Shall we go?”
“yes?”
Seolha opened her mouth, fiddling with her hair with an indifferent expression.
“movie. Even if I was at home anyway, I think I would only hear my mother nagging me.”
I tried to read the other side of that expression. An expression that seemed reluctant, bewildered, or reluctant.
But that was enough.
“Then, what? I’ll see you tomorrow.”
I tried to answer in the most calm manner possible.
“So. What time is it?”
“six… … No, seven o’clock. around seven thirty. dinner.”
“where?”
“Uh, the park behind your house. Why, in front of the clock tower I usually see.”
“okay.”
Seolha made the last step towards the ticket gate.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Hands waving towards me. I stayed in front of the ticket gate for a while until I couldn’t see the hand.
