Chapter 150 – Impoverishment
Mid-December.
Color practice.
“Whoa…”
It feels like all the old grime has been washed away. Maybe it’s because I poured out all the words that I couldn’t get out of my mouth, and I feel much lighter.
“…Fuck it.”
It’s a fucking love that doesn’t even have room for sympathy. It’s questionable why he didn’t lose his mind the moment he saw the document.
‘I love you.’
Horrible. I feel bad. It’s disgusting, it’s fucked up, and I don’t want to see it again. Han Ye-rin should be looking for me by now. If they find me, they’ll apologize and do all sorts of crazy things to get a crush on me.
If so, there is only one thing I need to do.
Utter disregard.
That’s enough.
*
*
*
I cried for a long time, cried, then fell asleep, repeating.
Although she ran to Tae-ho as soon as the search practice was over. She was rejected and abandoned without ever seeing her face. My only, intact bond was torn to pieces and scattered as it was, as if a hole had been pierced in the middle of her chest, and I felt an indescribable emptiness.
In the sedan on the way home, she called Tae-ho again and again and again and again and again, with tears in her eyes.
‘I don’t accept…’
The only thing that comes back is a notification that the power is off. In order to somehow apologize to Taeho, she sent dozens of text messages and even sent dozens of minutes of voice mail, but she didn’t even get an answer.
The relationship I was hoping for was just an illusion, and I was just an owner holding a dog leash. In the first place, a horizontal relationship was impossible at this point, and everything was in vain, and now let’s feel that even that relationship is completely broken.
Literally, everything, it felt like everything was collapsing.
I love you like crazy, and I yearn for you like crazy. That man disgusted me and was filled with hatred… I knew it on my skin.
“I apologize, I have to apologize…”
I, I’m sorry… Taeho, please, just once is fine… My, listen to me.
I was seriously wrong. I apologize for everything, everything, everything I’ve been slaving over, playing with, running errands, bullying… Please, please.
For once, it’s good. Let me apologize
Please…
“Tae, hoya…”
Habitually, I pick up my cell phone and call Taeho. The answer is no. Time passes, time passes. Taeho should apologize before going to bed…! Even if I hit my head, I have to apologize with all my heart…
Do not receive
My heart aches like a throb. My head hurts like it would break from crying so much, my eyes are cloudy, and the area around them is wet with tears. The voice sank heavily. Energy completely disappears. Now I have neither the strength to stand up nor the stamina left to support my body.
‘Hate, take it away…’
I don’t want to be hated by Taeho. Taeho, I want to be loved. But it can’t be. The call does not connect, only the blunt beeping continues.
Scrolling down the call list, a familiar number continues incessantly. All, Taeho, Taeho, Taeho, Taeho, Taeho, Taeho…
“Tomorrow, tomorrow… Tomorrow, I will definitely apologize…”
I promise in a heavy, locked voice. Let’s apologize, let’s be sure to apologize tomorrow. Even if I hit my head on the ground, I will always apologize. I tell you the truth, I apologize, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry for everything, I’ll never do that again, I’ll put everything back the way it was, I’m wrong, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Taeho, answer the phone, I’ll explain everything, I’m sorry Everything is wrong, please answer the phone, I want to die, I miss Taeho, I miss you, I miss you, I’ll apologize, let me apologize, I’m sorry, I’m sorry Taeho, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…
Ah.
Please, answer the phone
Please, please, please, please… Please, answer the phone. It’s my fault. Apologize, please…
“Please…”
Do not receive continue, do not take Every time it connects to the mailbox, it hangs up, calls back, and repeats until dawn. Tears don’t dry, throat melts with pain, ears choke. Please, please, please answer the phone…
Do not receive
Then, then, finally. I fall asleep because I am not tired. Just, tomorrow, a promise to apologize.
With only that in mind. Both eyes are closed.
*
*
*
Upon arriving at the academy, he finds Tae-ho.
“Where, where are you Taeho…”
I want to apologize right now. Hasn’t it arrived yet, but when I entered the class, I didn’t see a single student. No one is here. I guess I came too early. If so, let’s sit down and wait.
“…”
I sat down and waited patiently for Taeho. I kept simulating how to properly apologize in my head. How to say the first word, how to say sorry. Think of it step by step ok, I can do it
“…You came so early? What, what. What’s wrong with your hair?”
“…”
A voice is heard from behind. Female voice. It’s a familiar voice. Concerned, I hear footsteps creeping towards me. I feel the cold.
“Can you talk to Taeho? Since yesterday… The power has been turned off-“
Ia Lin grabs my shoulder and turns her body around.
“Huh?!”
Startled and fall away
“Muh, what’s going on? What’s wrong with you? Uh, I didn’t even answer the phone yesterday, so what happened?”
“Oh, nothing… Nothing.”
“It doesn’t look like anything at all…?! What’s going on?”
Ia Lin panics and uses her snow and ice to comb her hair. Then, she comes closer and starts brushing her hair. Her hair, which had been sporadic, begins to return to its original state. Her hair is cool
“You went right after the test yesterday. Did something… Big thing happen in the house? There was no news. Wow, look at the dark circles around your eyes.”
“No, it’s nothing… Never mind.”
There is no energy all over her body. I have to apologize to Taeho right now. I have to say… I’m sorry. I haven’t been able to say anything yet… My head is complicated. Taeho, please…
“It’s nothing. Even if you’re a bit of a jerk, since you have the same goal, if you come to the academy like this, you have no choice but to worry?”
“…”
“Okay, that’s it. You’ve become a bit more human now.”
Ia Lin makes her mirror out of her ice, and she lunges in front of me. Her hair, which had been sporadic, was back to normal. Aside from the small tear marks around her eyes, it was me as usual.
“Students are coming in soon… I’ll go first?”
She pats me on the shoulder and goes back to her class. Her heart is beating like crazy. Taeho will be back soon. One way or another, you must apologize. I’m sorry… I have to say I’m sorry. The classroom, where I was the only one in the silence, is filled with people one by one and starts to become crowded.
Drooling-
The back door opens, and familiar footsteps are heard. Taeho, Taeho!
“Tae, Taeho… Wait, wait, listen to me…!”
Taeho stands in front without saying anything and looks down at me. Expressionless. Her lips, which had been swollen, trembled, and she spoke in a trembling voice to apologize somehow.
“Taeho, I, I did everything wrong… My girlfriend, blocking the entry, everything, everything was wrong… Tae, Taeho-“
“Move.”
The words are cut off.
“Uh, huh?”
Taeho is still expressionless. I can only say that it is cold. Respond in a low voice. His eyes stare intently at me, and I feel nothing but embers of anger.
“There, that’s where I originally belonged.”
Cold. It’s cold, cold… I think I’ll freeze as it is. At the cold words, even the chattering students shut their mouths and stare at the two of us. Right, right… Ah. Originally, this was the place of Taihu.
“Mi-sorry, do it.”
In an instant, your hair turns white like a sheet of paper. I push the chair back and sit in my seat.
“…”
No words. The sound of speech that had been cut off in the silence resumes, and the classroom becomes crowded again. If you look at Tae-ho with a side-eye, there is no movement while looking straight ahead.
“…Tae, Tae-ho.”
There is no answer coming back.
“I’m truly… I’m truly sorry. Everything I’ve done, the bullying I’ve done, everything, everything I’ve hurt Taeho. Everything, everything was wrong. From now on, I will never do that. Even if I die, I will never do that. ..! I’m sorry. I’m very, very sorry, I’m sorry. Taeho-“
“…Han Yerin.”
The words are cut off.
“Yes, yes?”
Taeho looks at me with a stiff face. Just like that, my heart seems to stop. Taeho let out a short sigh and gritted his teeth.
“Just don’t tell me.”
Annoyed, he turns his head and looks straight ahead. After a while, the professor comes in.
Ah, ah… Ah.
Little by little, trembling. The head goes down effortlessly. The open eyes are flickering, and the vision is dizzy. The ears hear all sorts of sounds overlapping each other. The feeling of being squeezed in the chest and being pulled out as it is.
Properly, apologies… I have to apologize.
Until lunchtime.
I couldn’t even open my mouth.
I was right next to you, but I couldn’t say a word, ‘I’m sorry’. I’m right next to you, but I can’t even apologize. Time flies by without any countermeasures, and when I woke up, it was lunch time before I knew it.
Left alone in the classroom again, he lowered his head and groaned.
“Tae-ho, Tae-ho… Huh, Tae-ho…”
That name tied around your neck. The man I love the most And the one who hates me the most. Calling out his name in a hushed voice. For a long time, continuously, continuously.
I’m sorry, I was wrong, I have to apologize.
I’m right next to you, but I couldn’t say anything. Even now, come to your senses and apologize.
I have to tell you the truth
Get up from your seat He wanders the corridors in search of Taeho. Then, he finds Tae-ho sitting on a familiar bench. Han Seol-ah and I are eating bread.
“Tae-ho, aren’t you eating cream bread?”
“I got tired of eating it a long time ago. I haven’t spoken to it since then… Is the cream bread delicious?”
“I’m a little bit picky too… I don’t like the unique crunchy texture… I’m chewy… Huh?”
Han Seol-ah talks to Tae-ho. Find me speak quickly, speak quickly…
“Han Ye-ri…?”
“What?”
Tae-ho looks back. The corners of her lips, which had been laughing just a moment ago, rapidly descended and cooled.
“…Why did you come?”
Until lunchtime, I couldn’t say a word or open my mouth. I have to apologize right now.
Crying, I wiped my reddened eyes with the back of my hand. The half-tied throat gives out a cracked voice.
“I’m here to apologize…”
“…”
Stare at me without saying anything
“What, what is it? What, what is the situation…?”
“Seol-ah. Go back to class. Oh, thank you for buying me bread.”
“Oh, huh?”
“Hurry.”
Han Seol-ah panics and looks at me and Tae-ho, then disappears by teleportation. As soon as she is gone, she hurriedly opens her mouth. Her swollen lips trembled with emotion. Tae-ho, Tae-ho…!
“I… Now, I was wrong. Everything I’ve done that has bothered Taeho… I’m regretting everything, everything. From beginning to end, everything.”
Every word, every word that comes out of your mouth. Her shoulders tremble Eyes, can’t meet. I’m madly sorry, and again, because I’m sorry. She is immersed in emotion to the point that her heart swells. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, everything, every action, every word, everything. Because Tae-ho tormented you.
I sincerely say this in this place.
“Seriously… I’m sorry.”
She bowed her head high and down. To Taeho, I sincerely apologize. The same thing will never happen in the future. As a person to person, I did something I shouldn’t have done, so I bow my head and apologize. With tears in my eyes, sincerely. I apologize.
“Han Yerin.”
Tae Ho wakes me up He stumbles and raises his head. Taeho looks down at me. Momentary silence. Taeho, who was looking at me gently, answered.
“I don’t want to look at you, so get out of sight right now.”
My expression is stained with despair.
