104. Hand clasping
[Episode 104] – Hand clasping
The moment I held hands with my mother.
Titania felt her mind turning white. She couldn’t remember the date course she had worked so hard to prepare for a week, and she couldn’t stand it because she was so worried about her mother’s hand touching hers.
“So, where should we start from? “Let’s go wherever you want.”
“Well, at first… There was an ice sculpture…”
“You mean the statue? “I guess I’ll have to look around a bit.”
As she said that, her mother began to look around her. She turned her head a few times and looked around, and then, as if she had found her way, she began to walk one step ahead, pulling her clasped hand.
Titania simply followed her mother’s lead. She had long since forgotten about the dating course she had set for herself. Titania took a step behind her and looked at her mother walking ahead of her.
The noisy sounds of people enjoying the festival could be heard all around, but strangely, they seemed to come from far away. Rather, it was hard to hear because it was drowned out by the pounding of my heart.
“Titania, look at that. “There are a lot more street stalls than I thought.”
“Yes… I see…”
Titania could not look where her mother pointed.
On the contrary, after seeing her clasped hands, all the nerves in her body were focused on her mother’s hand and she could not look at anything. The warmth I felt from our skin touching each other was enough to make me forget the chill of winter.
What the street stalls were like, what the festival was like, right now was not the time to worry about such things. Because I couldn’t take my eyes off the hand where my palm and my mother’s palm were touching tightly.
When she was planning her date, contrary to her own grandiose plan of hugging and receiving kisses, just holding her hand with her mother made her face feel like it was going to explode.
It was difficult because my mother’s hand was perfectly overlapping her palm, so I couldn’t even wiggle her fingers. Moreover, the palms that were touching hers seemed to be soaking with sweat, so I wanted to quickly wipe them off.
‘Was it this difficult to hold her mother’s hand? How should I let go? Should I take my fingers off first? Or, did you start by removing the palms of your hands that were touching each other? Besides, even if I let go, is it okay to hold it again? ‘Wouldn’t my mother hate me because of my sweat?’
I felt like my head was going to explode with all these stupid thoughts.
When people passing by see you, won’t they think you’re like someone you’ve held hands with for the first time in your life? This situation felt awkward enough to make me think that way.
Vivian stopped for a moment and slowly turned her head to look at Titania. So at that moment, Titania also had no choice but to turn her head and look at Vivian’s face.
The sunlight shining from the cloudless sky reflected the snow piled on the ground and sparkled like a sunbeam on the sea. My mother’s face, reflected in the glow of her eyes, seemed to shine brighter than usual.
“Titania, isn’t that what you were talking about?”
The place my mother pointed to was the ice sculptures lined up on a frozen lake. Around it, numerous people were looking at the statue, and children were playing innocently on the ice.
Titania responded with a small nod of her head. Then, my mother smiled and slowly walked towards the place where the ice sculptures were lined up.
To be honest, Titania wasn’t interested in anything, including the ice sculpture. Now she really wished she could just sit somewhere quiet and hold her hand with her mother.
It was a festival she had longed for, but she was happier and better with her mother than at that festival. I was so happy just holding her hand and being by her side that I felt like her legs were going to give out.
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With her knees shaking with happiness, she somehow came down to the lakeside where the statues were, but the lakeside was so crowded with so many people looking at the statues that it was almost confusing.
Titania and Vivian stood in line and looked at the statues one by one, staring blankly at the crowd of people walking by. It seemed like it took a lot of courage to join that procession.
“There are too many people… What should we do? Mother? “It will come a little later…”
“But what if there are more people later? “I can’t go back without seeing it… Titania, don’t leave my side.”
When Titania was at a loss in the face of so many people, Vivian put a little more pressure on her hand and pulled her towards me. At that moment, Titania’s body tilted towards Vivian.
Since there were so many people, Titania felt her head getting hot as if it was going to explode as she was hugged by her shoulders, telling her to stick close to me and not to leave my side.
“Never let go. Got it?”
“Yes, yes…”
“Then, let’s go take a look.”
Slowly, Titania entered the crowd with Vivian and began looking at her statues. Many of the statues placed in the lake were of high quality, befitting the reputation of the festival.
A statue with wings or a mermaid-like statue. Or, something like an ice slide sculpture for children. If I came here alone, I wouldn’t have been able to take my eyes off those statues…
‘Now, there’s something right next to me that’s stealing my attention…’
Even though she bumped shoulders with people every time she walked, Titania couldn’t take her mind off her palm. Meanwhile, Titania felt that now was an opportunity as there were many people.
It seemed like just holding on to my hand to keep from falling wasn’t enough. No, it was never enough. What do you do if you fall while holding hands? It was clear that the moment I fell from here, I would become lost.
If she becomes a lost child, she will ruin today’s date, which she was allowed to do with great difficulty, and worry her mother. So, this was an action with a cause and an opportunity to make a profit.
Excited.
Titania looked at my hand with her pondering eyes, and then she swallowed her saliva and finished her pondering. As her throat began to tremble, Titania’s fingers gently brushed the back of Vivian’s hand.
Excited. Excited.
As she loosened her fingers one by one, the space between them began to widen little by little. As the winter wind filled the sweaty space where their skin touched, Titania felt goosebumps rise and her hair stand on end.
Excited. Excited. Excited.
Her heart was beating so hard that it hurt.
Titania began to interlock her hands between her mother’s fingers, not knowing whether they were wet with her own sweat, her mother’s sweat, or whose sweat.
The delicate flesh inside her fingers began to rub and fit together tightly, as if she was finding her place. Her sweaty palms rubbed together, and then her fingers interlocked.
The delicate skin between my interlocking fingers burned as if it had been burned. Titania glanced at Vivian’s eyes and intertwined her fingers a little more, a little deeper.
Does your mother know?
The fact that this hand clasping is not just a child’s cute gesture.
It is an action that is imbued with a little deeper emotion.
The fact that I am intertwining my fingers not because I don’t want a child to be lost, but because I want to prevent you from leaving my side.
The long outstretched fingers intertwined and overlapped, and Titania’s hand and Vivian’s hand merged into one.
Titania smiled brightly as she looked at her hands that were glued to hers. She didn’t even kiss, she just clasped her hands, but she couldn’t stop laughing.
Even though she obviously clasped her hands first, it seemed as if her own hand, which was relatively small compared to her mother’s hand, was being eaten by her mother’s palm.
Her wrist was also bent towards her, clearly showing who still had the upper hand. As expected, she couldn’t beat her mother yet, Titania chuckled.
Even though it was just a simple act of clasping hands, the entire process was vivid enough to remain in her memory, and it felt like time was passing slowly.
Fingers interlocked and lukewarm sweat pooling between them. My mother’s fingers are tightening so tightly that there are no gaps. Everything was vivid and beautiful.
“Ehehehe.”
“Is it so nice to be outside?”
“Does it show a lot?”
“You’re smiling like that, but I don’t know?”
Titania followed Vivian, who was laughing.
No, my mother didn’t know. She realized that she wasn’t happy just because she was out. She was happy not just because of the festival, but because she was able to be with her mother like this.
Titania was happy to be able to spend time alone with Vivian. Although she was happy, she also felt sad about the passage of time.
As expected, one day was too short. She was just walking around with her hands intertwined, but when she came to her senses, she had already finished looking at the ice sculptures.
To be honest, she couldn’t even remember what she had seen. Her own eyes were always on her mother, so there was no way she could remember her.
She said, “She is so amazing that I can’t believe she was carved out of ice. She also has an experience area that children will enjoy, such as a slide. And again…”
Vivien seemed to like the sculptures on display and began to share her impressions one by one. Titania smiled, crooking the corners of her eyes as she took in Vivian’s appearance in her eyes.
Cheeks turning bright red from the cold, or white steam escaping from the teeth. It had been a long time since she had seen her mother happy like her child, and Titania felt good just looking at her mother.
As she watched her mother talking, her mother suddenly stood tall and began to worry about something. And, I quickly found out why. That’s right-
“Titania, don’t you want to eat something?”
Her mother’s belly clock rang with her clasped hands. Her mother smiled brightly and pointed to her stall with a growl. That sight was so cute that Titania burst into laughter.
“I see. Because I didn’t even eat breakfast. “She suddenly became very hungry.”
“What do you want to eat? No, look around together and let me know if there is anything you want to eat. “Let’s eat as much as we want today without worrying about gaining weight.”
After saying that, Vivian held hands with Titania and headed towards the street stall. Titania followed Vivian’s lead and forced her clasped hands to cross more deeply.
Did they say that human greed has no end? Titania felt her desire to have deeper contact with her mother than just her hands becoming more and more evident.
A desire to go beyond her hands and become a little deeper with my mother. Titania swallowed down her dry saliva and her boiling desire, and she followed her mother’s lead with an effortful smile of her own.
