I was sitting on the cement stairs between the alley where the mining was done and the housing complex.
Tousled black hair, dusty clothes, facial scars, broken high heels. The ghastly mourning that is so reluctant to describe it is dyed red with the setting sun.
However, as if he didn’t care about his own condition, he was sitting on the stairs nervously pressing the lighter and trying to light the cigarette he was biting.
how did you come How do I know where I am? Did he do something like when he found out his cell phone number?
All sorts of possibilities run through my mind. But the important thing is that she came to me.
Of course, he may have come to tell me to return to work again. Or maybe he just came to me to throw a shard of paper and throw a rant at me, who left the company.
The possibility of my words reaching her heart is also unknown.
Still, we will continue to face-to-face and talk to each other to find a solution. will try to understand No, I want to understand.
In doing so, you will step towards the right ending.
It was only then that I could feel the calming of the waves in my heart.
“Didn’t you quit smoking?”
If you look closely, you can see small wounds that were not visible from afar.
The heels of her high heels were broken, and the stockings that covered the soles of her feet were dyed crimson. Even the black hair that gave off a soft and neat atmosphere has long since become dusty. The make-up around his eyes was smeared with tears.
“Chase.”
“… … ?”
Charlie doesn’t answer my questions. He just stared blankly into my eyes with an attitude as if he was looking at something in vain.
The sound of dripping, dripping, dripping blood dripping from the soles of the feet reverberates across the cement floor. Cigarette butts wet with blood were lying at Cha Seol-ha’s feet.
“Look, don’t go anywhere.”
I left behind the ice-hardened snow and came back from a nearby convenience store, buying a band-aid, disinfectant, ointment and slippers.
“Take this off.”
“Yoo Do-jin… … ?”
He pointed his finger at the stocking he was wearing, but he was still looking at me with a blank face, with his lips twitching a little.
“You have to disinfect before you get sick. hurry.”
“… … hurt.”
Chae Seol-ha’s soft voice tickles her ears. Seeing her weaker than ever, the inside of her heart resounded.
“hurt… … .”
His hands are covered with scars and broken nails that are dripping with blood. Surely it would be difficult to give power in that state.
“Stay still.”
I opened the lid of the disinfectant and, using the stick inside, carefully applied the medicine to the wounded area.
“Ahhh… … .”
“Hold on a little bit.”
A thin moan escapes from Chae Seol-ha’s mouth. After sterilizing in a hurry, I applied ointment and wrapped the wound with a band-aid.
It looked very dangerous to see the band-aid stuck on his tiny hand, as it was about to break at any moment.
“Take it off now.”
“I have no power.”
He looked at me with those horses chasing. The moist, watery eyes, similar to those of a fallen child, were urging me silently.
“Don’t move.”
Grasping the stockings over her knees, she descends slowly, taking care not to let her feel any pain.
“Tell me if it hurts.”
There is no answer.
“Uhhh… .”
“Hold on a little longer.”
As when disinfecting the palms, apply the disinfectant, ointment, and band-aid to the soles of the soles of the feet in order.
Every time the band-aid was applied, Chae Seol-ha’s warmth passed through her hands.
“It’s done.”
I sat down next to Chae Seol-ha and handed over a cigarette I bought at a convenience store a while ago.
“ruler.”
After hesitating for a while, he took a cigarette and put it in his mouth. His bandaged fingers were precariously holding up a cigarette butt.
With the lighter I was holding, I carefully lit the cigarette I had opened. The fire ignites with a short chuckle, and then smoke spreads toward the early summer evening glow.
“… … .”
“… … .”
How much is it, sitting next to the sublingual like this and smoking a cigarette?
I started smoking because I wanted to get closer to Seolha. One day, Ga-ryun advised her to quit smoking because it was bad for her health, so she quit smoking together.
I want to stay a little longer during this time. Such lust shakes the heart.
“What’s up.”
But now it was time to move on.
“You were surprised to suddenly show up all of a sudden.”
So I spoke
“Even if you don’t have to look for it this way—”
“Don’t be mean.”
Chae Seol-ha’s abusive language cuts her back. Her eyes, which had shimmered like corundum in the glow of the sunset a moment ago, were now blazing with flames of anger.
“Don’t be rude, Yoo-jin. Don’t contact me? never to see you again? If you bet, you will be blocked again.”
“Seolha, I… … .”
“It hurts, it hurts. I’ve only heard that you’re here, and it’s so wide, so run around and ask questions and go up to the park on the hill to see if I can see you, and then on the way down I broke my heel and rolled over on this damn hill. Still, I want to find you, I miss you, and then I come to my senses and it looks like this… … !”
“Seolha.”
“It hurts, it hurts. I can only feel the fishy taste in my mouth. Every step I take feels like I’m walking on a blade. Why do I have to be in so much pain? Why are you getting mad at something that doesn’t matter? I think of you as my one and only precious friend, and it hurts so much just to be without you, but I miss you. What am I to you? It’s a toy that you throw away when you get tired of playing with it, right?”
“I’m sorry, I just got angry and left without a proper explanation.”
Hearing my words, Seol-Ha Chae’s eyes widened. But those eyes soon fell sharp and began to stare at me.
“… … what is suddenly Until a few days ago, on the subject of the uproar. Do you have any other intentions?”
“no.”
“Do not lie!”
The sound of iron coming out of Chae Seol-ha’s mouth pricked his ears. I shook my head and opened my mouth again.
“I just wanted to talk to you.”
“story… … ?”
“Yes, I want to understand by talking.”
“Don’t be bullshit.”
Chae Seol-ha’s blood-drenched eyes pierce me.
“f*ck the story, I paid you a salary as the boss. I found a job that suits your aptitude. Served healthy dishes. I picked clothes that fit you. I took care to prevent any unfortunate incidents from happening. He also took me to places that were reputed to be fun in Inbyul. They even took me to high-end restaurants that ordinary people wouldn’t go to. I did everything I could for you as a friend. What do I have to talk about here? What was it you didn’t like? That doesn’t make sense. huh? Are you doing that with just a little cursing? Where is someone like me? Where are your friends like me? Where is the same job here? Where else can you find such a happy life? Grab someone on the road and ask. Are you going to ask me to change with you right away?”
A small body vibrates softly.
“By the way, resignation? End a boring relationship? What are you struggling with? What are you lacking? What more am I supposed to do for you!”
Thick and sticky like mud, emotions burst out without end. yes, vomit vomit all I quietly opened my mouth to collect the mud from her.
“I know, but I don’t need them.”
And when it faded to a certain extent, I put into my mouth the words I wanted to say all the time, but which until now had been kept in the corner of my heart.
“What?”
“Remember Furniture Street? A place I used to go to when I was in college.”
I speak to you softly, yet prayerfully.
“What are you talking about all of a sudden? The answer to any question—”
“I went there after a long time today, and the store is still there. Why, the place where we smashed a chair.”
Hearing my words, Seol-Ha Chae blinked with a bewildered expression in her eyes.
“No, what do you mean? Why are you bringing up that wretched neighborhood story now?”
It’s a dirty town.
“It’s different from back then. It’s still too early to say it’s a success, but it’s different from the time when I was begging to save a thousand won. Now we can go wherever we want to go. Even if you don’t hang on to that dog-like alley.”
“My eyes hurt.”
“What?”
“The World Tower I went to last time with you, the lights were so bright that it hurts my eyes.”
“What is that?”
I continued to vomit out the words I had been silent on.
“I don’t even know the food at the restaurant you took me to because a famous chef is doing it.”
“What… … ?”
“Wherever I went, there were so many people, I couldn’t even see your face properly.”
The observatory of a luxurious high-rise building, something I couldn’t even dream of when I was in college, and a high-end restaurant that can only be accessed by making a reservation several months in advance.
There, you only cared about the reputation of the restaurant and the taste and price of the food. I went with you, but I wasn’t with you.
“Seolha.”
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Chae Seol-ha raises her head at my call.
“It was nice to get on the subway after the lecture and chat with you.”
The eyes looking at me start to tremble little by little. Her lips were still trembling as if she did not understand the English language.
“It was nice to buy an ice cream from the supermarket, put it in your mouth, and sit side by side. I wanted to see your face little by little through your hair as you descend a few small hills, once again.”
“… … So what do you mean?”
“I just wanted to walk that street with you.”
Precious places, emotions, and memories that only you and I can share. As I was walking there, I wanted to check once again what a person I was for you.
I wanted to confirm our relationship.
“You can go to a restaurant and enjoy it with anyone, anytime, as long as you have money. But the distance is different. Without you, it’s just an old alleyway. That’s why I wanted to go with you.”
That was all I needed.
“It’s ridiculous.”
Hearing my words, Chae Seol-ha sighed heavily and shook her head.
“Isn’t that what you want? Was it your dream to go to that village? ok, hit that let’s say so Then why didn’t you tell me? I didn’t mean to imply it, I just wanted to say that it’s f*cking shit and I don’t want to go. If being with us was so painful, why didn’t you leave the company? huh? that it was hard Why did you spend a year acting like that? Did you even want to play a prank? Or because of your career? To you, what were we and I? Why why… … ! That doesn’t make sense! You bastard like a dog!”
Chae Seol-ha’s bitter cry echoes in her ears.
Words, the link between people and people. A direct means of conveying my feelings to others. As Chae Seol-ha said, there were always opportunities to bring up the story.
But it was scary. Sharing my thoughts to others is a relationship that will change by expressing opinions.
Yes, it’s all excuses. The reason I didn’t say that one word, that’s after all.
“… … Because I didn’t want to be abandoned by you.”
That’s all.
“Because I’ve always loved you.”
I just didn’t want to be hated by the person I like. I just didn’t want to be abandoned.
I believed that if I put up with the things I didn’t like, the day would come when I could be chosen by you.
“What?”
But the idea itself was wrong. Even if it was scary, I should have faced you without giving up.
I was just sitting and doing nothing, waiting for something to change.
