Chapter 152 – Even if Forced
It’s lunch time.
If they approach you, they will throw you away, and if you apologize, they won’t listen.
Wherever you go these days, you can feel the gaze. Rumors have already spread, and there is no one in the academy who does not know that I ignore Han Ye-rin.
However, no one criticizes me directly or ostracizes me.
Because everyone knows in secret. Thinking of the humiliation and bullying I’ve been through, it was even weirder when they took care of me. Han Ye-rin is a well-reputed villain, and I am purely a victim.
Even so, I can’t help but worry. It wasn’t exactly Han Ye-rin’s safety. Because she didn’t know what she would do when driven to her precipice.
You never know when an unexpected action may occur.
“…”
I try to ignore it, but I can feel it. The gaze of Han Ye-rin, who is hiding from afar and looking at me.
Scared.
A little scary. It is said that she did it with her mind, but due to the nature of Han Ye-rin, there is only one thing I am worried about because I do not know where it will bounce. However, she cannot back down. Han Ye-rin has crossed her line, and I can’t stand it anymore. With revenge added to that, there’s no way I can stop it any more.
It’s the first time I’ve seen Han Ye-rin in such a predicament. Even when she was down the drain, she shrank from the media’s scorn, but compared to now she is three-legged.
Yeah, to be honest, it’s refreshing.
Not just to hate, but to hate. Even if there is anxiety that she might jump, she can’t stop moving away. The anger that has been suppressed for so long is still overflowing, at least until this emotion is released, it will not end. ‘Cause I’m not like a living fire If you have received something, it is natural to want to give it back.
“Ha…”
Break time. I walk down the aisle without thinking. Then, when I look back at her in the middle, Han Ye-rin, who was staring at me, turns her head as if nothing happened and avoids her gaze hesitantly.
Her face is pale and her lips are pale. There are pale dark circles around her eyes and she is biting her thumb nails anxiously. Let alone the gaze of her surroundings, she is only looking at me, only me, as if she only cares about me.
She doesn’t even take classes, she only looks at me.
Even after class is over, only I look at me.
Even during lunch, he only looks at me.
Even after school, he only looks at me.
Afraid.
She realizes all over again how much Han Ye-rin has been relying on me.
Also, she realizes how much Han Ye-rin loves me… She realizes.
She doesn’t stop looking, and when a stranger approaches nearby, she pushes away. She flinched at the mere sight of someone of the opposite sex, as if she still had a desire for exclusivity. If you come to your senses, you won’t even see an ant except for the four women you know well. I feel like I’m choking on obsession.
I don’t just say it right away, it’s ‘love’. It’s because Han Ye-rin is not inferior to the other three when it comes to emotions.
‘Because I’m by Taeho’s side… I feel like everything is stable.’
Haha… Fuck.
Even when I acted as a close friend before, when I texted you as if I was caring. Now that I think about it, everything is no different from an expression of love. It is a self-evident fact that Han Ye-rin loves me ‘crazy’ to some extent.
“So disgusting.”
Maybe I’m going crazy, but Seol-ah’s obsession still has a cute side to it. Han Ye-rin is just in a bad mood. Even the degree of obsession…
At that time, compared to Seol-ah, who became very docile after the rooftop, she was a world apart. It’s scary. I’m worried that this might explode, but I don’t want to stop. To be honest, I’m enjoying myself right now.
Does it mean that you have succeeded in the ‘revenge’ you so longed for? If you’re not happy, that’s a lie! Newly, the harsh humiliation she had suffered so far passes through her head. There will be no news of Han So-jung for the next few months, Shin So-yu is working on new weapon development, and Han Seok-joo has little interest from the beginning. All the circumstances fit perfectly and she succeeded in completely isolating Han Ye-rin!
If I, the only supporter, falls out, it’s only natural that I’m out of breath. In addition, it is critical to ‘love’ me. When I see Han Ye-rin’s distressed expression little by little… It’s a little bit, but her heart tingles.
If you walk endlessly down the hallway, your gaze drifts away, and soon it is cut off. I let out a short sigh of relief and sat down on the bench.
“…”
These days, I feel a little awkward. The lower half of the body feels empty. If you sit on a bench in a calm, relaxed posture and count the passing clouds, you can hear a rustling sound in the distance.
I can’t stand that moment, and I feel the gaze again.
Looking at this As she turns her head, Han Ye-rin shrugs her shoulders and slowly approaches her.
…Carrying a handful of lunch boxes.
“Tae-ho… Go, let’s eat lunch together.”
As if she had been waiting for this moment. As she casually sits down next to her and opens her lunch box, her spine shudders with fear. She is physiologically disliked. To be honest, I don’t want to eat any of the food Han Ye-rin gives me. Especially if she made it. Han Ye-rin holds onto my shoulder. Little by little, her trembling hands show her tension.
“…Because eating only bread is not good for the body. Let’s eat this together.”
He spreads his chopsticks and spoons with a worried expression. No, I don’t want to eat. Han Ye-rin who grabbed the back of my hand with her trembling palm. She raises her voice with great courage.
After returning her things, she was Han Ye-rin who looked at me awkwardly from behind her. She gritted her teeth and came to me. Even though she pushes her so much, she doesn’t stop. The tenacity to apologize somehow is high, but unfortunately I have no intention of accepting an apology at all.
“This time, because I made it right…”
“…”
I look at it with the coldest expression possible. It is also a way to get away from each other, but it takes a certain amount of push and pull.
Not getting up right away and looking at Han Ye-rin in silence is also an extension of push-and-pull. Right now, Han Ye-rin’s mind is half concentrated on the edge. No matter what I do, it will react greatly.
“…Please.”
Han Ye-rin weeps and holds her egg roll close to her face. She feels, her heart pounding hard as her heart beats through her fingertips, realizing that she is very nervous. As she stares silently, she gradually loses strength in her hands. The answer is fixed.
“No, I don’t like it.”
His expression, which had been mixed with joy and sorrow, turned into despair in an instant. Looking at her open lunch box, I think she made it with great care and diligence. Her desire to eat is not even like ant eyes. She stands up and pulls off her pants. As Han Ye-rin hangs her head, her body trembles little by little, she begins to sob low.
There is no sympathy ticket to give you.
“I’ve never wanted a favor like this, and never will.”
I look down at Han Ye-rin.
“As much as I bullied you, do you want to repay me with help? Don’t be stupid. I’ve already crossed the river, and I have no intention of returning. If I want to eat, I’ll eat alone.”
She doesn’t even look back and walks away from Han Ye-rin. I noticed it now, but… Looking at her hands, I can see that there are not one or two cuts on her hand, and I can feel how hard she worked and how much effort she put into making it. She must have packed her lunch box with her own hopes, but compared to what she has done so far, this isn’t even small rice.
“Whoa…”
She will never get close again.
With a short sigh, I entered the class.
*
*
*
“This time… I made it right.”
My throat is choking, so the grains of rice don’t go down properly. The further away you go, the more desperate your heart becomes.
I think I’m going to go crazy if I go on like this.
Lunchbox, this morning… I worked hard to make it…
“I want Taeho to eat it… This time, I made it delicious.”
My throat is choking and I can’t even speak properly. Maybe because the food is wet with tears, it’s salty. Sitting alone on a bench with no one there, staring at the spot where Taeho was sitting just before. He has already crossed the river and has no intention of returning. The words Taeho said keep coming back to him, and he wanders in his head.
“…Eating alone doesn’t taste good.”
Taeho… I want to eat together. I want to share love with Taeho. I want to have sex too. It’s a long dream. I love tae ho I love you, but I keep getting farther and farther away.
“Love you.”
Need love I want Taeho’s love. I want to give you my love
But no.
I love Taeho, I love you madly, I love you with all my heart. I can’t stand it without Taeho. Without love, I can’t stand it.
“I love you, and I have…”
I keep getting farther away because Taeho hates me. There’s not even a little… Not even a little bit of that.
“Sorry…”
All I can do is apologize… But I can’t even do that.
Weep alone, love alone. I love you like crazy, but you keep getting farther away like crazy. Desperate, desperate, I think I’m going crazy I want to be by your side, but…
“As it is, it can’t be…”
Dangerous thoughts knock on your head. Various methods dance in my head.
Please, please, I think I’ll go crazy if I go on like this. It’s painful because I don’t have Taeho. I want to love. When he sees Tae-ho, his heart races, but on the contrary, when he runs away, his heart dies.
“Ahhhhh…”
I did everything. If it doesn’t cross the line, I’ve tried everything, everything. But, it just keeps getting farther away.
A sense of urgency.
A maddening sense of urgency dominates the whole body.
Even if it means kidnapping, I want to be by Taeho’s side.
You can’t apologize for the rest of your life, you can’t love for the rest of your life, and you’ll be apart for the rest of your life.
Pengsaeng, get away.
Being far away is the scariest thing. Even if you sob and wail, nothing will change. It just keeps getting farther away, falling apart, and being isolated.
“Ah… Ah, ah…”
Leave forever
Get far away forever
…Not as much as that.
“Huuuuu…”
Never.
*
*
*
Sometime after school.
I look at my thumb nail, which I habitually bit in anxiety. It’s rough and rough.
Keep going, keep going away
I don’t want to be further away
If you keep getting farther away… Even if you force it.
I want to be by Taeho’s side even if I’m forced to.
The day quickly sets, the sun hides below the horizon, and a fierce cold wind blows through the school uniform. With half-shaved hair, the protruding hair melts in the early evening.
In the distance, you can see Taeho.
It’s hard, it’s hard, no more… I don’t want to be alone anymore.
When Tae-ho comes out of the academy building, he leads his staggering body and forcibly crosses his arms.
“…Huh?”
Taeho looked down in confusion. Ah, ah… Long time no see. This face, it’s been a while I kept seeing only a hard expression, but when I see a face like this… My heart pounds.
“What are you doing-“
“Follow me.”
A voice half submerged in crying melts into the night air. I forcibly crossed her arms, and her big forearms naturally touched her chest. A long-overdue physical contact. The lust that had been forgotten while floundering in despair begins to rise.
‘I want to have sex.’
But not now.
Although my eyes are dizzy from the rapidly rising sexual desire. More important than that is being with Taeho. After catching her breath, she forcibly dragged her Tae-ho into a black sedan.
“No, no, wait a minute…! What are you doing!”
“…I want to be by your side, because.”
Really.
There is nothing else.
One reason for ‘I want to be by your side’.
Leave everything else aside. I just want to be by Taeho’s side. I want to love you. I just want to have Taeho by my side.
Right now Taeho is… So, so, so, so… Lacking. Because Tae-ho is needed.
Ah… I love you I love you Taeho
Let’s stay together
Now, let’s stay apart.
“The mansion… Go to the mansion.”
Breathing gradually becomes rougher. Ah, the more I do, the more I realize that I truly love this man. I’m just clinging to it, and my heart beats so much that it hurts. The breath grows strong, and the heart fills with love.
I have to be Taeho.
It’s impossible without Taeho.
Realized over and over again. Life without Tae Ho is useless. Without Taeho, it would be just achromatic. Even though they are by my side, their emotions draw a beautiful upward direction just because of that one thing.
Yeah, if you do it like this… It was okay.
“Let’s go together…”
He forcibly leads Tae-ho into a sedan. Limos can fall apart, so the smaller the car, the better. I don’t want to be far away even a little bit, I want to keep sticking together…
“Together, the mansion-“
Match-!
“Ah…”
“…I’m going back home. Don’t disturb me.”
Cheek, hit
I wrapped my hands around the little by little red cheeks. Tae-ho opens the car door with a puzzled look on his face.
“Don’t do this.”
Ah, ah… Ah…
Bang.
The car door closes, leaving me alone. Trying to take her by force, everything else… Everything failed. Again, stay alone. Like this…
“Huuuuu…”
I can’t do anything other than sob like an idiot.
Let all the courageous attempts fail. The fear that nothing will change and the despair that it will continue to be like this beat my heart like a drum.
Desperate
All hope is lost.
No matter what, no matter what… I want to stick by Taeho’s side. I don’t want to leave. However, Tae Ho hates me, and the relationship is in abyss, and there is no sign of improvement.
“Well, then… Now. There’s no other way…”
It’s something I swore I’d never do.
What I do best… That.
“Aside from this… Nothing.”
In the car, left alone. Wipe the tears with the back of your hand.
“…I’m sorry, Taeho.”
*
*
*
Okay.
As you get further away from Han Ye-rin, you need to put the brakes on to some extent… To some extent. She has felt it several times. I know that my personality is like a bomb, and I know it well because I’ve experienced it many times…
When it was really important, I was obsessed with ‘Revenge’ and just enjoyed it. I’m regretting it. In the end… Even slapped on the cheek!
Next to me right now… Han Ye-rin is attached.
That familiar feeling.
My forehead is full of cold sweat, my heart is racing with tension, and my legs are frozen and I can’t do anything.
“Tae-ho, float, don’t fall…”
“…”
“If it falls…”
Girl, I’m going to kill you.
“…”
I’m going crazy. Really.
