Chapter 53 – The Man at the Piano
Long time.
After a long time, I sat down at the piano.
Ever since I was told to play the piano by my older sister, I had intended to play it, but unexpectedly the opportunity did not come.
Because I didn’t want other family members to hear my messy performance.
So I tried to hit it when I was alone, but surprisingly, the time I was alone at home didn’t come very often.
I am not busy? Surprisingly, everyone is free?
Meanwhile, today I was alone at home for the first time in a while, so I sat down in front of the piano.
The last time I played the piano was in the 6th grade of elementary school.
Now that I’m in my second year of college, it’s already been 7 years.
7 years. 7 years…
In the meantime, I neglected the piano, but not my mother.
Even though her mother was busy, she cleaned the piano whenever she had time.
I know that I call a tuner every year to have it tuned.
No one is hitting
It has been neglected, but my mother took care of the piano.
Actually, when I moved into this house, I was going to throw away the piano.
But her mother was against it.
“Not right now, but one day you might suddenly want to play the piano, don’t you? At that time, if I didn’t have a piano, I would be very sad. And even if there is no success, you can pass it on to your children later.”
Even after I moved in, the piano always occupied one side of my room.
My mom was taking care of the piano in case I suddenly wanted to play one day, in preparation for the day that might or might not come.
And today, I play the piano.
Open the lid of the piano and remove the key cover.
The piano I hadn’t seen in a long time was somehow smaller.
No. The piano isn’t getting smaller. I grew up.
Open your palms
It has grown a lot since I was playing the piano.
From degrees to le an octave above, the fingers that barely reached the ninth now reached the twelfth.
That meant a lot of years had passed.
I once ran away from this spot in front of the piano.
When I was in 6th grade preparing for the competition.
I couldn’t overcome the pressure.
Always as the son of actor Im Im-hye, as an abused child, as a disabled child.
I know that I have had an advantage in everything.
Even if I fail at something, I don’t get scolded.
Even mediocre achievements are praised as great.
After being adopted by my mother, it became a natural thing for me.
So did the piano.
Even if he played normally, his mother was delighted as if he had great talent.
To the extent that I have a wild dream.
However, the competition was different.
Neither the mother’s name, nor whether or not she has a disability, nor other factors come into play.
You will be evaluated solely on your skills.
Purely only the results I got from practicing.
Being sick, because of a disability, those excuses don’t work.
The excuses I’ve been making don’t work…
I was depressed.
If you fail, if you don’t achieve results, if you don’t get good reviews.
When the human shell of me is peeled off, when I realize that I am nothing.
If I accept the result that my sincere efforts were actually meaningless…
When I thought that way, I didn’t have the confidence to be evaluated for the results of my efforts.
So, to be honest, I didn’t want to go to competitions.
But she also knew how much her mother expected.
So I couldn’t say that I didn’t want to go out because of my weakness.
‘Don’t play the piano again. If I hear the piano in my ears one more time, I’ll cut off all my fingers. Okay?’
For me, who was only looking for a reason to run away, my sister’s words provided a way out.
It gave me a very good excuse not to play the piano.
And I used my sister’s words as a breakwater in her heart and ran away.
I went to the competition and came down from the stage without hitting a single key.
Her mother comforted me.
It was because of her mother, and she was rather apologized for her mother being greedy with her.
7 years since then. It’s been 7 years since she’s gone, and my sister still has it on her mind.
She still thinks that I quit the piano because of what she said.
Maybe the fact that she kept buying me cars and watches, and that she had sex with me, was all because of that guilt.
“After…”
He faces his sins in front of her piano.
The piano was a symbol of my cowardice.
It was a living witness that reminded me of trash.
Pain. He is fed up with his own cowardice.
But I had to face it.
Even for her mother. Even for my sister. Even for a smile.
I must change.
Accept and acknowledge your own cowardice.
And it had to change.
Ridge.
Hit the keys
After being late for 7 years, he starts his own competition.
* * *
As a child, I liked cool things anyway.
Cool cars, cool robots, cool fighters.
Maybe even now it hasn’t changed much.
I liked Chopin.
Because Chopin was cool.
The name Chopin was cool. Even being called a genius and dying early felt cool to me. Not to mention the music
I liked Chopin.
So, the first song I’m going to play has already been decided.
Nocturne no. 20 in C Sharp minor Op. Posth.
It’s called Nocturne 20.
It is also famous as an insert song for a movie, and it was also a song I practiced to play in a competition.
Come to think of it, this song was dedicated to Chopin’s older sister.
I was scolding my sister not to hit me while I was hitting this.
Somehow I laughed at the irony.
Play the piano
Fingers dance spontaneously on the keyboard.
It was a strange feeling.
The length of my fingers changed, and I hadn’t played the piano once in 7 years, but my body remembered the piano.
The piano also played well, as if it remembered me.
It was good.
My body playing the piano was overflowing with joy.
Ah. I wanted to play the piano
It’s just that I didn’t have the courage to hit after running away.
I’ve been wanting to play the piano all along.
After Nocturn 20 is over, I play Nocturn No. 2 and Ballad No. 1, which my mother liked.
Surprisingly, I remembered everything.
If an expert heard it, they would have cursed, but in the competition hall, they would have been booed, but that didn’t matter.
I play because I like it. Because no one is listening
Okay. If you want to hit, you can hit.
You just have to tell the person who wants to hear it.
It wasn’t about caring about other people’s evaluations and whether or not I won an award.
We can leave that to the pianists.
I just hit what I want to hit.
I became Chopin, then Beethoven, then Debussy.
Try playing Liszt’s La Campanella, which I didn’t play well when I was younger.
Try the twinkle twinkle little star you hit with a smile, or the cat dance.
I played the piano happily for the first time in a long time, really after a long time.
Without even wiping away the tears.
Even if those tears fall and the keyboard becomes slippery.
I just cried and played the piano happily.
* * *
After the performance, my mother was standing in front of the door.
Just like my older sister stood like that one day.
Her mother was crying with her hand over her mouth.
I got up from my chair and said hello.
To my only audience.
Mom clapped for her as hard as she could, even through her tears.
Was my performance that impressive?
If so, I can say that it was worthwhile to play.
If there is an audience that likes me like this, wouldn’t I already be a great performer?
It was my one and only audience, more precious than 100,000 spectators.
“Senhu!”
Mom comes running and hugs me tightly.
Ah. If I knew you would like it like this, I would have hit it earlier.
Why didn’t I hit it sooner?
I’m really fed up with my foolish self.
“… Mom, I can’t go to the competition, but can I play the piano?”
“Yep. It doesn’t Don’t be, my son.”
It was a stupid question. She can’t say no to her mother.
But it was a necessary ritual for me.
To get out of the past.
To let go of the past me who is still tied to the competition 7 years ago.
I was still held by her mother for a while.
* * *
After a while, I hit Chopin again.
This time to tell my mother.
My mom had me on her camera.
“You don’t know how much I regretted not taking pictures of the seonhu playing when I was young. If she had filmed it then, she would have been able to hear it when she wanted to.”
It was still embarrassing to take a picture with a camera, but seeing my mother talking lonely, I couldn’t tell her not to film it.
Still, at least I hit it hard so that I wouldn’t be ashamed of it when I heard it again.
Wouldn’t it be 70 points anyway?
“Uh? Brother, piano…”
The smile, which returned just in time, made a noise in surprise, but when she saw her mother filming with her camera, she shut her mouth.
I was in the position of my precious second audience.
“Is there anything you want to hear about your smile?”
After finishing the song he was playing, he asked the smile.
“Can I apply for anything?”
“If I can hit it.”
“Mmm, then, Spring’s For you!”
It was the debut song of Miso’s group, Spring.
It didn’t become a huge hit, but I’m sure I’m attached to it because it’s my debut song.
I remember watching Miso’s debut stage with her family huddled together in front of the TV.
It was a memorable song for me too.
“Hmm. I don’t know if I can play well.”
I don’t remember all the notes.
But it’s not important to hit perfectly.
The important thing is to hit what I want to hit, and to hit what Miso wants to hear.
I played the piano while roughly arranging the parts I couldn’t remember.
“I can do anything for you~♬”
A smile sings along with the chorus.
Haha.
She used to do it often.
I play the piano and smile sings to it.
This is the story of Miso in her lower grades in elementary school, before she even dreamed of becoming an idol.
I played the piano happily as if I was back then.
The smile also reminded her of the old choreography, and she sang while she danced.
Her mother looked at me and smiled happily and captured it on her camera.
“For you~ For you~♬ Thank you!”
It was a cut of a happy family.
* * *
“Oh and ow.”
After the small concert, I was ashamed to lie down.
It was because the pain came up on the back of her hand, perhaps because she used the muscles of her hand that she hadn’t been using all of a sudden.
“Seonhu, are you sure it’s okay not to go to the hospital?”
“Because it’s okay. It’s better if you take a break from this.”
It’s just that the back of my hand is sore. It’s such a hospital.
I took a break for several years, but it was understandable because I suddenly played Chopin or Liszt.
“Brother! I’ll massage your hand!”
“Oh…”
“Then mom is over here.”
“Oh oh…”
What kind of hogang is this?
Great actress Lim Im-hye was on my left, and idol Mi-so was massaging her hands on my right.
It is not a reward that amateurs can receive just because they hit a few songs.
Can I be this happy?
“Senhu, how are you?”
“Huh… Good…”
“Brother. Are you feeling better?”
“Huh… Cool…”
Artifacts. Artifacts.
It felt so good.
More than anything, this situation where Mom and Smile are sitting side by side on my bed.
It felt so good that the place was server without me knowing.
Maybe it’s because my brain got excited from playing the piano after a long time.
“…”
“…”
“…”
Mom, I, and Smile all shut up together.
Everyone knew I was standing there.
But I pretended not to know.
It was such a promise.
Until the hand massage was over, we all had the same mind and pretended not to know.
