39. After Exile (4)
“I hope Judas is doing well.”
Lindel looked blankly at the sky and murmured.
Nils answered from the side.
“She’s not the kind of person who can’t stay anywhere.”
“Well….”
Hador grumbled.
“Skills are not the problem. He says his personality is the problem. It must have been an accident or something.”
“What kind of place is Bethany, and it still remains.”
“So it would have been better if I had stayed here so that my personality wouldn’t stand out anywhere….”
Even if you regret it, nothing will change.
There will be no return of Judas.
As Richard said, except for the two parties, the people around them were vaguely aware of their relationship and feelings.
We were just pretending not to know each other because we were so cautious.
I don’t know exactly what happened between the two.
Nevertheless, Judas was driven out.
It won’t be easy for her to go through something like that and come back.
Nearly impossible.
Dylan comforted the subdued atmosphere.
“If it’s Judas, she will do well no matter where she is. We just need to focus on our work.”
Richard clutched his chin and let the words flow through one ear.
“More than that, Lindell, Dyke. Is it true what you saw outside?”
“Ah, yes. It looks like the Imperial Alliance is trying to encamp over the ridge over there.”
“Move troops without a declaration of war…. It’s practically like a declaration of war.”
“I don’t know. I just patrolled the area and went back. Why didn’t you respond at all?”
“Yeah….”
I know why, but it was a difficult topic to talk about.
I don’t have to worry about losing.
The overwhelming power of Elijah they serve is far from defeat.
It is true that Archduke Balak’s personal magical power is also terrifying.
He completed his current position with that power.
However, it is said that Elijah’s strength far exceeds that of the Archduke.
This is an inaccurate prediction because Elijah has never revealed his power.
So the probability of defeat is pretty low.
Assuming that Elijah is sane.
“What should we do….”
I have no intention of leaving anyway.
I didn’t want to break the oath of allegiance.
Especially, because Judas said that he asked for his share as well.
“Whoa.”
At the time someone let out a sigh out of frustration.
The mansion gate was opened, and a messenger rushed in.
This is a scene I often see these days.
Some news from the same allied faction.
Or news from hostile forces.
Everything comes in and out in a hurry.
The messenger who came running in a hurry asked Dylan.
“Oh, where is the lady?”
“Maybe… I thought he might be in the bedroom that Judas used to use. Is this the news you need to hear?”
“That, that, rather than that….”
The messenger hesitantly spoke of the news he had brought.
As soon as his mouth fell, all the SS stood up and paid attention to him.
As if that statement is really true.
*
Elijah stomped out of bed and got up.
I didn’t bother tidying up my messy hair.
Walking, I went to the window and watered the potted plants.
Once a week.
Don’t miss out.
Anemone might die.
After confirming that it is moist, go back.
Lying on the bed, hugging her doll, looking at the flowerpot with her blank eyes.
A potted plant illuminated by sunlight.
Her eyes look outward, but her images keep sinking inward.
Your own space where the outside senses cannot invade.
I crouch in the cage and look at the anemones.
When you breathe in, you can smell a unique flower.
That’s not an anemone, it’s the body odor of Judas.
The last reverberation of the bed.
Even that is faint.
As time passes, his scent fades.
If this happens, it will disappear forever.
When the fear spikes, breathe more deeply, until the breath bursts your lungs, and exhale as if you were vomiting.
“Keheuk, kuheuk….”
Do not spit out and cough violently.
My throat was sore from vomiting several times a day.
It’s hard to even breathe these days.
It’s more than cumbersome.
Why should I breathe? I do not know.
It’s been quite a while since I didn’t cry.
From some point on, I didn’t even shed tears.
I just wait endlessly.
Knowing it wouldn’t come.
I tried not to come.
It is a disgusting duality.
I kicked him out saying never to come back, and I hope he will come back.
Even though I stabbed him with sharp-forged words, I hope he will hug himself generously.
Then.
If such a miraculous thing happened, then I would drop everything and apologize.
It will fall on you like a flower that will helplessly fall.
I dream with my eyes open.
As if catching flying petals, he embraced himself who had been thrown into the air.
A beautiful and ecstatic fantasy.
That dream is a nightmare.
Because it is a dream that cannot come true.
When was the last time you cried and when was the last time you laughed.
Then I suddenly thought of Yuel.
The moon deer brought by Judas.
The image of myself when I was young, laughing innocently with the moon deer for the first time.
At that time, what kind of expression did Judas have?
In a daze, he seems to have looked at himself.
What did you think when you saw me at that time?
Looking back, I was dependent on you from then on.
After a long time, Elijah decided to go to her stable. She
She didn’t want to use magic as much as possible, but she had to use teleport this time.
If you go on foot, Leah will worry and follow you.
I didn’t want anyone around.
If not for Judas.
If I use magic, the fire inside will grow, but I thought it would be okay.
After Judas left, the fire continued to burn, but it did not become hot.
On the contrary, it was as cold as ash.
It is a resentful power.
The culprit who hurt her mother and eventually separated her Judas.
At the same time, it is absolutely necessary to kill the Bevel family.
As soon as I used the teleport, it was a stable.
I was barefoot, but I didn’t care.
Leah would be surprised to find out she was gone, but she didn’t want to care.
Yuel, who was sleeping curled up on the floor, pricks up her ears and opens her eyes.
Recognizing Elijah, he wakes up.
A weaker gait than usual.
Even with clear eyes, there was no energy.
At the sight of him approaching, Elijah looked over at young Judas.
The image of bringing the first moon deer. She
When she said she would spare her, she looked like an idiot until her face smirked.
Since then, she often used to pet the moon deer together in this stall.
In the life she lived without any leisure, it was her only break and rest.
She got rid of herself.
He said he had to rearrange her priorities, and she pushed him to the next priority.
Too bad she said yes.
I didn’t know when I was holding it in her hand.
He was his own.
That fact was taken for granted.
As the only natural being, he was virtually no different from himself.
I didn’t know that.
A man’s eyes look outward, so he cannot see himself.
So, he forgot his existence overlapping with himself.
You only see it when you separate it.
Recognizes the target only after being separated from the other.
He is a different version of himself, and it was the foundation that supported him to be himself.
“Ah….”
With him by his side, the Bebel family cannot be trampled on.
But even without him, I can’t.
When I kicked him out, he felt the pain of tearing raw flesh.
It was not an illusion.
Judah was Elijah.
Himself without him, he was not himself.
And he won’t come back, and neither should he.
Because if he stays by his side, he will be scorched to death.
What he faced in a situation where he couldn’t do this or that was himself, who was just infinitely helpless.
Amidst the feeling that the ground he was stepping on was collapsing, Elijah collapsed helplessly.
She knelt down and sat on the floor.
“Aww…. Ugh…. Ugh….”
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It looks like there is a hole in the middle of her chest.
The black hole hurt so much that she gritted her teeth.
Tears flowed from her bloodshot eyes against her will.
Even her crying was luxurious, so she clenched her fists to try to contain it somehow.
Her fingertips were sore as she scraped the dirt.
“Ughhhhh… ! Ugh! aaagh-!”
In the end, she couldn’t stand it and let out sobs mixed with screams.
Her little hands thumped her on the floor.
It’s too late to regret it.
Even though I know that regret won’t change anything, I can’t stop the piercing emotions from welling up.
Banging the floor, spitting out her harsh curses at herself in her head.
Yuel came over, and she rubbed her forehead against her head.
“Ah….”
Elijah blankly raised her head.
With her tear-stained face, she looks at Yuel.
The moon deer with innocent eyes rubbed her forehead all over her face as if comforting.
She shared warmth.
“Black… ! Whoa… !”
She bit her lip and then hugged her moon deer by the neck.
“Huh…. aaang-!”
She cried like a child as she hugged her warmly.
The moon deer calmly sat down on her seat and gave her arms.
Elijah grew sadder. She
She is all because of herself.
Her own miscalculation ruined everything for her.
But nobody blamed him.
I would have been more comfortable if I had been cursed at.
For not doing so, she had no choice but to blame herself.
“Ahhh! Black, uh… !”
Even while they cried and cried for a long time, Yuel stood by her side.
Then someone burst open the door and rushed in.
“Lady-!”
It was Leah.
She came running with a pale complexion and hugged the crying Elijah.
“Lia…. Me, what should I do….”
Lia had no choice but to hug the child who was whining in a daze.
She did not show her bare face even to herself who had been with her for several years.
This means that Elijah has reached his limit.
“Now, what should I do now…. Me….”
Lia bit her lip and held back her cry. She
She wasn’t supposed to cry with herself.
I just hugged the excited Elijah tightly.
The world was truly savage.
‘What did this child do wrong…. How much longer must she suffer….’
I came to you urgently because I had news to tell you.
But she couldn’t bear to speak with her own mouth.
People rushed out of the stable.
Elijah looked over Leah’s shoulder at them.
Everyone has a dark expression.
Elijah instinctively felt fear.
She was about to come to something, something she didn’t want to know.
When did it start raining outside?
“… Miss.”
Dylan, the captain of the bodyguard, took a step into the stable.
Elijah wanted to run away, but she couldn’t.
She just hugged Leah tighter.
“I have important news.”
I hate to hear it.
I’ll pretend not to know.
Just like this, not knowing anything….
Elijah tried to plug her ears in, but slowly lowered her hand.
She couldn’t believe Dylan’s words as she sighed as she averted her gaze.
“Judas is dead.”
