37. Necessity (4)
Elijah looked down at the sleeping Judas.
I see you today for the first time since breakfast.
She deliberately left Judas behind.
At first, she went alone because she was going to visit the Mage Tower briefly.
There she was told that Judas would die.
Because she is right on her own.
She couldn’t bear to look at him.
When I see her, she doesn’t know what to say.
Now that she has come to know about emotions, reality is far from them.
Ironically, she didn’t want to see him, so she missed him all day.
I couldn’t get my hands on anything right all day.
‘How were you?’
How much did Judas picture herself in the day she didn’t see herself?
Elijah sat next to her quietly.
She didn’t use her arm as a pillow as usual.
Then she will absorb his magic, and he becomes dangerous.
I just imagine.
The outline of the body. Temperature. Heart beat. Breath. Stuff like that.
My heart beats painfully.
It wasn’t like this before.
It was as natural as breathing.
She was as comfortable as her mother’s arms.
Not anymore.
It’s inconvenient.
It is no longer possible to enjoy everyday life as a daily life.
‘… ….’
Line.
An imaginary line between Judas and himself.
I thought I drew a line that didn’t exist and didn’t cross it.
For whatever reason.
No.
In the first place, there was no line.
I pushed him away saying I shouldn’t depend on him.
I couldn’t be weak, so I kept my distance.
I’m afraid he’ll become his weakness.
He only has one weakness.
Even one of them is a weakness that doesn’t exist.
That’s why she had no weaknesses.
Bevel can only be killed with a flawless existence.
It’s late.
I didn’t push it.
I have never kept a distance.
I approached him from the beginning, and he approached me.
And not once, she herself pushed him away.
Looking back, it was.
I just did that, and I’ve been ignoring it.
I just fooled myself with self-justification.
I put a label on dependence and believed it to be true.
‘I…. You…. From a very long time ago….’
He learned the magic of reading memories.
It was used to interrogate Angra and the wizard, but it originally had a different purpose.
I wanted to bring back Judas’ memories.
Before reaching Judas.
Her memory with her mother is the only color left to her.
I don’t know if Judas has something like that.
To give it back.
‘If you use that magic now….’
I can tell you the memories of Judas.
If you adjust the strength of the magic, it is possible without breaking Judas.
It will take a little while.
‘… Can I still do that?’
Belatedly, I think of Judas’ intention.
Can I read other people’s memories at will?
Do you deserve it?
It would be very unpleasant if someone were to look into their memories at will.
Memories and emotions are yours alone.
‘… That’s not all.’
There are more things to worry about than rudeness.
When you see Judas’ memories, you naturally see yourself in his memories.
You will also learn about Judas’ feelings towards him.
‘If…. If you don’t want me….’
If our hearts are not the same.
If they are facing different directions.
Or not.
What if you have a crush on someone who is completely different from you?
My heart trembles and my stomach turns upside down just by imagining it.
I thought I was going crazy.
It blooms like fire inside.
The fire that has already been lit is intensifying because of the use of magic.
‘It’s become so special….’
Elijah had to admit.
He is special.
It’s precious.
One day at the founding festival.
When Judas was beaten by that giant who burned it into powder and scattered it on the seashore.
Elijah was shocked that the world turned upside down.
Angry as if her whole body was on fire.
At that time, she tried to burn down the capital of the Helios Empire.
No matter who gets involved.
It was around that time that the realization began to come.
Ah.
You can’t treat Judas as an ordinary escort knight. Do.
Looking back, it has been like that since before.
When Judah was nearly killed by Lamech instead of him.
Elijah cried for the first time since her mother died.
It was just too late to recognize it.
A long time ago.
‘I….’
I was relying on you.
So.
‘You….’
It became my weakness.
I couldn’t help but admit it.
I grieve you so much that you are my only real and deadly weakness.
‘There are too many risks….’
I will fight the Empire.
I will go to war with Bevel.
Inevitably there will be numerous casualties.
From noble mtl dot com
Among them.
There is no law that Judas will not exist.
He is an excellent knight.
But he can’t guarantee everything.
Right now, even at the time of the founding, it was like that.
A military force strengthened by black magic in the imperial family.
What if that thing attacks Judas?
‘It can’t be like this….’
Elijah had a hunch.
With Judas by her side, she can’t fight on her own.
I am worried about getting hurt.
I am afraid of dying.
Be your own person.
I am afraid that the only existence that lives and breathes as my own world and color will disappear.
I’m afraid I’ll go through the same loss again.
I was so afraid that my eyes blurred just by imagining it.
‘I’d rather have that happen….’
I’d rather kill someone.
Not to jeopardize me with my weakness.
‘Remember…. Yes, I need to check my memory. Just that, just let me know After that….’
A real weakness.
If it is absent, it cannot be said to be a weakness.
So….
My head is all messed up.
Elijah’s reason was completely paralyzed.
A torrent of emotions that I have never experienced before.
It’s not just fear and sadness.
Emotions mixed with soggy affection swirled in a dizzying fashion.
Elijah complied with her confused instincts.
Get on top of him.
She didn’t even think that she shouldn’t be touched.
Her mind was possessed by a mad fire.
And use magic.
A magic that reads memories.
Reach out your hands at the same time.
I put my hands on his thick neck.
‘This is, so…. For you, no, for me…. I have to kill Killing Bevel, and all of them, in front of her mother….’
The fingertips touching the neck.
I feel my pulse beating furiously.
Cold energy seeps into the body through the touched hands and thighs.
It’s the cold that I longed for.
A calming cold that always soothed his fire.
I feel a thrill of satisfaction.
But it’s not enough.
It is not stable.
We need more.
I endured it.
It was less than a day, but it was too long for Elijah.
In order to feel and absorb him deeply, I hope for a deeper touch.
I covered my neck with my hands.
‘I don’t want to die because of my weakness…. If that’s the case anyway…. Rather….’
Nevertheless, it just doesn’t sink.
The cold energy that had weakened was far from enough to soothe himself.
And then she saw it.
Her own hand touched Judas’ throat, which was charred.
‘… !’
Elijah was startled and removed her hand.
She jumped up and then she stepped out of bed.
She caught her breath and looked down at her hands.
I am shaking.
The head of Judas until just now….
‘I, I, I, I now, what…. What are you doing….’
I felt like vomiting.
Forced to get rid of her weakness, she tried to kill Judas.
The intention to kill that I felt in an instant was sincere.
Even though she is possessed by a mad fire. She herself is Judas….
‘Oh no…. If this is…. Ah….’
And the black mark on his neck.
She is proof that she absorbed power herself.
Yuda’s magical power is also imperfect, so whenever she absorbs it, its side effects appear.
‘No way….’
Elijah carefully examined his hand.
I couldn’t afford to think that he would have woken up in the noise.
The hand she held tightly to herself.
His palm was also tanned.
If you take her clothes off, it must have been like this elsewhere on her body.
‘Because of me….’
Before she knew it, he had already reached his limit.
He can’t handle himself anymore.
It’s dangerous to be around.
Too many meanings.
‘It’s disgusting….’
Anemone blooming in a cage.
The only color in the world.
The fragmented moon illuminates the cage.
The only light in the world.
Not satisfied with that, Elijah became greedy.
When her greed didn’t go her way, she plucked a flower and tried to crush the moon.
She felt her stomach ache and vomit in her self-loathing.
As she slowly backs away, something suddenly touches her hand.
Window frame.
Looking back, anemone potted plants illuminated by the moonlight greet you.
A potted plant that blooms and dies for several years and always keeps its place.
Anemones.
The tip of the round bud is slightly open.
Looks like it’s about to bloom.
“Ah….”
Elijah groaned softly and then covered her mouth. She
She used her teleport to her own bedroom as she ran away.
She didn’t even have the time to recognize why the memory reading magic didn’t work.
I fell to the ground as soon as the scenery changed.
“Ugh….”
She pressed her hand against her mouth to suppress her vomit.
When she staggers up, she sees her own flowerpot.
There are potted plants here too.
Anemones. Round buds.
It’s bigger than Judas’, and it’s wide open.
Elijah stood still for a while, and she just stared down at the anemone.
She sobbed as she covered her face with her hands.
Reminds me of the old days.
The time when she was living with her mother.
Her mother never suffered in the fire as she couldn’t control her powers.
Similar to now, but different.
At the time, she had no intention of killing her mother.
But today….
I can’t convince myself that I didn’t have it.
It’s been 10 years, but it’s the same.
I still can’t properly control one of my powers, and hurt someone dear to me.
No, it got worse.
The feeling left in her hands.
At that moment, an impulsive murderous intention popped into her head.
Creepy.
She is disillusioned that she is this kind of person.
She had to face the reality that she was so worried about and afraid of.
When she stopped crying and lowered her hand, her eyes, revealed, were sunk heavier than before.
‘… Okay. Let’s do it.’
Finally, Elijah made up his mind.
*
Judas stood up from her seat without a sound.
“… ….”
I’ve been awake ever since she was held.
She just pretended not to know.
[‘Discovery of Revelation’ activated. Immune to all magic for 3 seconds.]
[24 Hours until next use.]
The first tragedy I saw five years ago.
Elijah climbed on top of her and choked her.
The future that she expected and feared would kill her using magic.
It came true.
‘… Fate.’
He stood up and laughed helplessly.
She
Thought she had gotten away with it.
As she was infected for five years, she didn’t think Elijah would kill her.
I couldn’t avoid it.
Fate happened inevitably.
‘… The second tragedy, then.’
Will it happen someday?
‘What’s wrong… I don’t think so.’
If she had been a child, she would have stood up right away and asked what she was doing.
But as we got closer, it wasn’t easy.
‘If you ask me why, what would I say? .’
I couldn’t figure it out even though I stayed up all night.
It was impossible for him to not know what kind of expression Elijah was making as he closed her eyes.
[HP: 1.0]
*
There are anniversaries of various religious events in Taeyang Bridge.
Today is such a day.
The sun, which first shed its light upon the earth, dispelled the void and gave life nourishment.
At that time, all the creatures that lived on the earth served the void, but the sun willingly forgave them all and embraced them.
Forgiveness Day.
It is a day on which a person is chosen through a lottery and the feet of that person are washed.
And Judas washed Elijah’s feet.
Elijah’s bathroom.
Judah knelt before her.
Elijah looked down at him with her sunken eyes.
Almost choking her, it’s a face I see in a few days.
In the meantime, Elijah unilaterally avoided Judas, who came to talk to him.
Elijah looked down at Judas, who was preparing to wash her feet.
A red handkerchief wrapped around his neck.
She’s the thing international when she gave herself.
You can see black marks under it.
It’s no use trying to hide it.
There is still soot left on my hands.
I use a lot of medicine and food that are good for magical power, but it doesn’t get better.
In fact, Elijah still wanted to avoid her place.
If you touch her to wash her feet, it will take away her magic.
But there is one last thing she wants to check.
The foot washing ceremony began without any conversation.
Amidst the awkward silence, only the sound of water rang out.
Judah gently washed her feet.
The little feet kissed when they swore allegiance.
Carefully brushed her soft, smooth feet.
Meticulously.
The two did not say a word during the foot-washing ceremony, but there was a similar commotion in their heads.
What should I do?
What should I say?
Because it’s the first time for both of you to feel this kind of emotion.
This kind of work was so unfamiliar and unfamiliar that I didn’t know how to treat the other person.
As much as the two thought of each other, they were clumsy with that feeling.
After the foot-washing ceremony, Judas carefully opened her mouth.
“… Miss.”
Elijah avoided her gaze and slammed her door.
I meant to leave because I didn’t want to talk.
Judas was about to say something more, but stopped.
Soon, she lightly bowed her head and said hello.
Elijah pretended not to see.
She was curious about one thing.
Why she stays by her side.
Why the hell is she still trying to treat herself like a human being? She
She seemed to know, but she pretended not to know that either.
Then, as if nothing had happened, she went back to her original place.
Seeing the two of them made Leah feel sick and frustrated.
The incident happened the next day.
Judah received a command from Elijah.
That, in effect, was tantamount to a death sentence.
