37. Necessity (2)
“If we continue to live together like this, that Judas…. I will die.”
Epona’s words came like death.
Elijah just licks her dry lips.
She didn’t say anything.
Epona then spoke in a pitiful voice.
“When that friend becomes a full moon, she might change again. Well…. I don’t know too much about that.”
Epona paused her words.
She observed Elijah carefully.
A noble-like smooth mask.
There is no agitation on her face.
However, the tips of her fingers that held her book were trembling.
Epona let out a long sigh.
“I don’t mind if it’s something I’d rather just use. But if that’s not the case…. It will be very difficult.”
Between. Relationship.
Judah and Elijah.
Elijah and Judas.
After the founding, Elijah often thought about it. She
When she was with Judas, she just enjoyed being together, but when she was left alone, she thought deeply.
Lewi’s voice shimmers.
‘Can you guys explain what the relationship is?’
She ignored it then.
I don’t want to get caught up in the psychological warfare.
However, looking back, it was a blind spot.
Elijah could not possibly explain her own relationship with Judas.
It’s just a simple master-servant relationship.
Objectively, that is correct.
But Elijah rejected him because of her own feelings.
I didn’t want to remain in such a bleak, cold, contractual relationship.
So, what do you want?
“… Why are you telling me this?”
“Okay. First of all, is it a research report on the young lady’s magical powers? You promised to tell me about the unusual thing in exchange for magical power.”
“… ….”
“And, it hurts to just watch young flowers die without knowing why. As you get older, you become emotional. Besides, no matter how much the result is the same, I think it’s different whether you know it and accept it or go through it without knowing it.”
Elijah tilted her head incomprehension.
Epona just smiled.
As dependable as an adult.
On the one hand, a smile tinged with compassion.
“Someone might disagree with this argument, but you don’t need a reason to help people. I think so.”
“… It’s a very ideal mindset.”
“Eh. I’m back to being cynical again.”
“But…. Thank you. What you said, I’ll think about it. So, by the way, is there any medicine that is good for restoring mana?”
“Not really.”
Epona answered in a somewhat self-deprecating tone and let out a deep sigh. She
She reluctantly gave her a list of her useful groceries.
As she wishes, something useful for her magic recovery.
“It’s better not to have high expectations. As you know, the young lady’s power… It is not something that can be done by human effort.”
The power of fire passed down by the Bevel family.
A mad fire resembling the progenitor.
Not ordinary fire, but the power of the sun.
It is like the power of a god.
“… I know. Thanks for your help.”
“Yes. Go carefully.”
Elijah walked out of her mage tower with a weak gait. She
She couldn’t go back for a while and she stood still at the exit.
I ignored it even when people talking to me came and went.
Inaudible, she couldn’t react.
She remembered looking up at the sky.
The gray sky looks like it will rain soon.
Just like the day her mother died.
She doesn’t know if she’s gray because she can’t see color or if she’s really covered in dark clouds.
Why did this happen?
She contemplated the unfair and absurd reality.
Since when did we become different?
Is it me or you that has changed? Or is it both?
I didn’t know.
But I felt like I knew a little bit about when it started.
The two incidents that occurred during the foundation festival were major turning points.
One was when we held his hand and enjoyed the festival.
And the second….
*
One day during the founding festival.
Elijah walked around exchanging greetings with various nobles at the banquet hall.
She stayed alone and sipped wine while Judas went to the bathroom.
At that time, a man approached me.
Light blonde hair and light green eyes.
Resembling Hagar, it is the symbol of the imperial family.
His tall height and gentle expression were enough to offend many noble ladies.
Well. It wasn’t particularly attractive by Elijah’s standards.
She looks a bit rougher and fiercer than that….
“Lady Elijah. Long time no see.”
The man greeted me in a kind voice.
Abraxas Helios.
He was the second son of Emperor John.
Unlike Crown Prince Gomel, he is famous for being generous.
In particular, it has a reputation for revealing women’s colors.
“It’s been a while. Prince degraded.”
Elijah replied indifferently.
She wanted to turn the Empire into an enemy, but she didn’t even need to stay close.
“You look more beautiful from up close than from far away.”
“Yes.”
“Looks like you’re not there?”
“I have.”
“Ah, that’s right. However, you seem to be alone right now, if it’s not rude, come with me….”
Elijah heard Abraxas’ words with one ear and let it out.
She could have just walked away if she wanted to, or she could have bitterly refused to step down.
But she didn’t.
Her wicked mind stimulated irrational impulses.
I remembered Judas, who was surrounded by aristocratic women.
How she was feeling on her own then.
To make it short.
Yes, I was angry.
Rage. Petulance. Reckless aggression towards the enemy.
At the same time, the defense instinct to protect one’s own was activated.
It was the same when he was proposed to by the princess Hagar.
The calm and calm anger I felt then is still vivid.
A fire seemed to burn in his belly.
It felt unfair.
Because he seems to only do it himself every time.
If you turn a blind eye, Judas is often surrounded by women.
For some reason, she hated her a little.
I don’t want to hate her.
So.
She really knows that she is a bad person.
A little bit, I want Judas to feel that way….
“Sharing a glass of wine over there….”
“Who are you?”
At that time, a low, heavy voice cut Abraxas’s words and entered.
The heads of Elijah and Abraxas turned at the same time.
The man there was too overbearing.
He was a little taller than Abraxas.
However, his splayed body and thick muscles protruding from the front and back were too three-dimensional compared to the skinny Abraxas.
After returning from the bathroom, Judas looked down at Abraxas with one eyebrow furrowed.
“I don’t think the lady is very reluctant. Please go.”
“… Her. Do you know who I am?”
“Hmm. It really doesn’t matter who you are.”
That moment.
Elijah had a strange feeling.
She looked alike.
Judas speaks in her own way.
“Whether the lady hates it or not, that matters.”
“I really want it. The escort knight is interfering in everything. Young lady? Instead of explaining….”
“Go.”
Elijah said coldly.
Her expression was bothersome, as if she were dealing with an insect.
“… Yes?”
“I want you to go without bothering me. Prince degraded.”
“… ….”
Abraxas kept a smile on his face as he bit his lip.
He was not allowed to show an ugly side to women.
“Yes. Then next time.”
Abraxas greeted Judas as gracefully as possible.
As she passed by, she deliberately slammed her shoulder on Judas.
From noble mtl dot com
But.
“Ehh?!”
It was Abraxas who fell.
The moment I hit her shoulder, I thought she had crashed into a huge wall, not a person.
Abraxas, knocked on the butt, hurriedly ran away without even seeing the two of them.
“Various.”
Yuda smiled at him as he walked away.
The moment she turns to check on Elijah.
Width, and.
She threw herself into her own arms.
“Ah, ah, lady… ?!”
Confused, he looked around him, shaking his hands.
Fortunately, it’s a corner seat that isn’t crowded.
No one is watching.
“Why are you doing this…. Miss, are you crying?”
Elijah’s body trembled as he embraced her.
She slapped her, hiding her face in her chest.
“I can’t believe that bastard….”
“No. I don’t cry.”
“… It’s not convincing even if you say it with a komaengmaeng voice.”
“It’s real.”
The voice was still choking, but Judas decided not to ask further.
Just hesitantly, he wrapped his arms around Elijah’s shoulders.
“Are you really okay?”
Her big hand locked Elijah tightly.
As if surrendering to her sense of security, Elijah hugged his waist tighter and leaned her weight against him.
She is a reliable child who is willing to stand up for herself.
“… Huh.”
Elijah couldn’t describe her feelings right now.
She was horrible and disgusting.
She tested Judas.
She wants you to feel the same way she does, she’s been mean.
She knows better than herself how much her stomach twists when she feels that way.
At the same time, she was ecstatic.
It was happy and fun.
When Judas saw Abraxas, Elijah was convinced.
He said he felt the same emotions as you.
Annoyed with a twist in the stomach.
The violence you want to cut off.
Yes.
When Judas saw himself alone with Abraxas, he became angry.
That wasn’t just a business response.
It was obviously emotional.
Possessiveness.
A defensive aggression shown when someone covets one’s property.
This is cheeky.
Judah is his own, his property.
A servant should not feel possessive towards his master.
By the way, Elijah wanted Judas to do that. She
When she felt that she wanted to possess herself, she was intoxicated with an indescribable satisfaction.
I found myself wanting to be tied up in a relationship where we are both possessing and restraining each other.
And at the same time, she became ugly herself.
Because I know that feeling.
She realized what she had done, how bad it was.
I realize now.
Emotions are like that sometimes.
Only when she sees what others are feeling objectively does she find out that she felt the same way.
Because humans cannot look back on themselves alone.
Jealousy.
He himself was jealous of everything approaching Judas.
And he made Judas feel the painful feelings inside.
Elijah embraced him to hide her sinfulness.
Buried her face to hide her heart.
She didn’t have the confidence to show her ugly self.
Even so.
Judah gave him a warm hug.
He patted me on the back without asking anything.
Unconditionally on your side.
The calmness of wanting to fall asleep as it is.
If it were you, it would be fine if you drowned.
I put my irrational feelings aside for a while.
I wanted to.
I wanted to be hugged by him like a child and just complain.
I was the one who did the wrong thing.
Knowing that this shouldn’t be the case.
Whimpering, she struggled to get her heart out.
Very little.
“Sorry….”
I was so sorry for doing such a terrible thing.
Judah just laughed helplessly.
“Apologize for what you did wrong.”
“Just….”
“You don’t have to be sorry. Because it’s okay.”
She doesn’t know how ugly she is.
Stupid.
But those words were like salvation to him.
She thinks she’s fine with anyone.
Even though she knew that she had no such intention, Elijah interpreted and accepted it as he pleased.
A word I heard from him one day.
Birth does not define existence.
He was still by his side as he was.
“… Huh.”
I think I know now.
I realized.
But Elijah decided to pretend she didn’t know.
She felt that if she acknowledged that she had realized it and realized it, her relationship with this reality would be twisted.
I was scared.
So, I melted my emotions in his warmth.
The realization that has lost its form melts away in a sticky and sweet way.
The real emotion underlying jealousy.
I didn’t want to name it now.
*
The feelings that had melted have reappeared.
Elijah could no longer look away.
She got to know her feelings for Judas.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t until he found out in the future that he would die.
If I knew this was going to happen, I would have been better off knowing sooner.
She was holding a scarf with one hand.
The other hand was playing with a cat doll.
‘What should I do….’
A ring shimmered on his right hand as he touched the scarf.
An ivory ring resembling Judas’ magic.
It was caught on the ring finger.
Soon she had her heart set on her.
‘… Okay. Let’s do that first.’
