57 – A woman with low self-esteem
“Did you pack everything?”
Instead of answering with a nod of her head, she stood next to me with her gym bag on.
She
She sat down on her knees on the floor, then she started to loosen it up.
“Eh? Elena?”
“…I wonder if I should check it out.”
“Oh, no! It’s okay. As long as you can wear it and it’s comfortable enough that it doesn’t get in the way, it’s okay.
Looks like it was cheap this time.”
“Still, the contents – “
Gently hugging and comforting her as she kept trying to unload her rustle was now… One of the ways.
When I held her hand, I became very anxious, and when I did not restrain it with action, my actions became violent with gibberish.
… And her self-torture that came out of the process was too horribly broken for me to face, so I couldn’t help but hug her even more.
“Elena, Elena. It’s okay. Huh? You did really well this time. You can be confident.”
“…Then I’ll be arrogant again. I’ll hurt you again – “
But sometimes even a hug like this doesn’t solve the problem,
I had to briefly hit mine against her lips when her gaze was fixed on the air and turned cloudy.
Of course, I was confused at first,
The second time I was trying to figure out the situation,
The third freezes,
From the fourth time onwards, it couldn’t be so lovely to close your eyes gently and cling to you little by little.
“…Hey…”
Rather than melting me, now that he melts and clings to me, he is very different from his previous appearance, but…
Maybe that’s why I’m falling for it even more.
I was definitely attracted to her strong side,
Now I’m starting to get a little interested in her defenseless appearance.
Above all, the way she naturally adapts to me,
If there is something you want, tell me honestly before doing it.
“Just a little… More, would it be all right?”
Unlike the old days when I was attacked before I was ready,
Now I rejoice only after I’ve been given permission to be sure I want it,
The girl who was more deeply entangled in my body was clearly bewitching me.
If I were to ask if the old self was unconditionally bad, I think I could definitely say that it wasn’t,
Sometimes I worry that her bold side seems to have completely disappeared because of me, but…
As expected, it was undeniable that she was much softer now and approached her heart throbbingly.
With a worried face, sometimes I don’t know where to put it, so I gently loosen her tightly held hands and open them up,
It is not like before that you are forced to fall or lie down on the floor.
Sometimes she held the hand I gave her, then hugged her fiercely, matching her will.
Then calmly wrapped her arms around my waist and slowly leaned against me,
“Can you give me a hug?”
The series of moments being held in her arms and being slowly transported to the bed were so much fun.
Of course, it was unavoidable that the departure time was delayed because of that, but
Surely, these times were precious things to dare to miss this change.
Because it was a moment where I could clearly accept with my whole body how much she thought of and liked me.
When I was sweating and wandering, a little drunk on her bodily fluids,
Even when she let out a moan at the slight throbbing of several holes in her neck,
Those sensations were now slightly exhilarating rather than unpleasant and frightening.
When her strength was exhausted and she was wheezing while lying on the bed, she brought a cup of water and a towel, wiped my body bit by bit, and poured the water into her mouth.
“Wasn’t it hard? Are you okay?”
“You’re still fine… Are you?”
“…It was great, very much. You are the one I dreamed of…”
Okay, I couldn’t understand the next words because they were blurry and small,
At least the slightly raised corners of her mouth made it clear that the time she spent with me was blissful for her.
And it was something that made me smile too.
I was able to realize once again how precious it is for the two of us to be able to laugh together.
As I reflected little by little on how difficult this seemingly simple task was for us, I also felt a bit depressed.
Would we be able to care for each other once again if we had to hurt each other this much?
I wasn’t very happy about these moments when I was able to face them once again after my hands were stained with blood and I became inhuman,
Still, I was glad that I was able to face her true heart at the point where I finally arrived.
“Eh, at this rate, we’ll be leaving tomorrow, right?”
“You can’t go in the morning.”
“Then… Umm… Can I hold you for a while?”
Since her change, Elena, who has been trying to keep the distance between her body little by little, as if trying to confirm the feelings I have for her, couldn’t be that cute…
“Now, come in.”
Her
I lifted the blanket that was covering her and carried her in.
With no clothes on.
After that… Along with her ragged breathing came an anxious whisper –
Let’s just say the departure time was a bit delayed.
***
The newly bought house is a hut built in the mountains, some distance from the village.
I was in a good position to avoid prying eyes and refuse visits from strangers.
In the first place, it was obvious that few people would dare to come to such a remote place, trees and stones all around –
Because it was in such a location as if the house was embraced by nature.
Of course, you’ll need to clear some nearby trees and put some rocks on the floor to tidy up the surroundings, but that’s all done with Elena.
It was night, so I couldn’t fully appreciate the scenery, but the old magic lamp that lit up the front of the house and the orange light flowing softly from inside looked very comfortable.
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As I looked around the surroundings outside the house and was lost in thought, Elena approached me.
Still, his complexion improved a lot compared to a few days ago, and he seemed to have shaken off his depression to some extent.
“Did you look inside the house?”
“It’s cozy. I like the spaciousness of the bedroom.”
“Then I’m glad… Where else?”
“Ugh, huh?”
“You didn’t just see the bedroom, did you?”
“Uh…”
Why do I keep rolling my eyes?
Why is there no answer?
It’s another thing to sneak back into the house again –
“I can’t live, really. Elena, do you really want to?!”
Recently, he was forced to hang out with me, and I kept thinking about that.
I’m dying because I’m having trouble reflexively rushing blood just by smelling her scent.
I felt like if I continued on like this, I would become a pillar student who only shakes his waist in the house.
…That aside, first of all, I liked the interior of the house too.
It was good to sit in front of the fire pit like at home and talk while baking snacks or dinner together.
Most of the furniture was already arranged, so there was nothing to buy additionally.
I liked most of all that there is a storage room where you can keep food fresh.
Then-
…Ah,
That’s right.
I forgot. That she can no longer share food with me.
“This is… Sad.”
Now, only the blood of her within her can satisfy her own hunger, the memory of her and the memory of her that can be accumulated are gone.
I guess I won’t be able to see her look any longer as she teased me in anticipation of her mealtime.
…So maybe that’s why I didn’t pay attention to other parts.
Because the only thing she needs now is the fact that I exist, so maybe that’s why she didn’t look closely at the things inside the house.
I went into the house holding on to my bitter heart and held her hand as she was hanging around for a while.
“Eh? Oh, I haven’t seen the whole house yet.”
“Would you like to… Follow me?”
The place where she led her was none other than the bedroom.
“What do you think the bed was like?”
I put my hand on her mattress and pressed it lightly, and put her quilt on my skin.
“Hmm… It’s not as good as the mansion, but it’s enough for the two of us to sleep cuddling, and there’s also a window, so it’s easy to ventilate…”
Saying that, she quietly sat down next to me, brushing her long hair and giving me a bright smile.
“But still, being with you is like a dream.”
Her fine hair glittered like platinum in the moonlight.
There were tears in her slightly raised eyelashes,
She wiped away her tears with a sniffle, perhaps because of her wrinkled nose, then placed her hand neatly on her lap.
At times like this, it would be okay if you naturally took my hand.
Her fingers overlapped, untied,
She clenched her fist, let go-
I had no choice but to give her a hug in the end.
“…As expected that day, I didn’t throw you away like that.”
Feeling her trembling body, I hugged her with a little more strength.
If only I had known that a word from me would drive her this far,
If I had known that she would be so insecure and unable to feel comfortable by my side –
Obviously, I didn’t hit her so mercilessly that day.
“No, Niel, why do you keep apologizing?
I was wrong…”
If you feel her shoulders getting wet little by little and sweep her back,
She also gently patted my back with the palm of her hand-
They tried to warm each other’s hearts filled with water.
“Huh… Your arms are so warm… I wish we could be together like this forever.
Standing by your side, being fooled, being petted,
I feel so happy even just touching your hands like this, even just looking into your eyes.
I can’t even imagine being separated from your kind side anymore.”
“What are you going to do in the summer if you’re too attached?”
“At that time… I wonder if I should take off my clothes…”
“Are you saying you’re going to be naked at home?”
“You’re the only one there, so why are you saying that out of the blue?”
“But – what if there are guests in the house?”
“What guest?”
Just,
It seemed like time had stopped.
The moment she finished speaking, she felt as if the surroundings had stopped.
“You… And me. Wasn’t this the home for that?
Guests, Niel… Nu, who’s going to come here?”
I wanted to return to her words, which seemed uneasy about something.
I didn’t quite understand why she reacted like this to the word “Guest”.
However, she didn’t even give me a chance to talk.
“Niel, are you bringing anyone else here besides me… Really?
That’s right. Because right now there will be ‘friends’ like Yuliana. Yeah… That’s right.
Oh no! Are you okay. I just… I’m sorry, I guess I said it for nothing.”
She slipped away from me with an awkward smile, her eyes blurring again.
“…Because you deserve it. You’ve worked hard enough… For me.”
Just, just,
And her nails collided.
“Because unlike me, you have always lived for me.”
Anxiety obscuring the peace began to gather like a fog.
