15. Snow Moon Flower – 15
“…Ariel?”
There was no
I raised my head for a moment and looked around the room, but Ariel was nowhere to be found. As if someone had never existed in this room from the beginning.
“…Cain? Why are you doing this all of a sudden? Have you forgotten anything?”
Iris looked at me like that and questioned whether I was wandering around the room without knowing what to do, but unfortunately her voice did not reach my ears.
“Ariel.”
At that moment, it came to mind. Last night, Ariel’s complexion turned white when Iris showed her retching. The figure of Ariel, who was making a sad expression as if she could not help it while examining Iris’ belly. All of Ariel’s expression came to mind as he smiled softly at her as he relayed the news that Iris had a fetus.
“…Ariel.”
Only then did I realize In this life, intoxicated with the joy that Iris is pregnant with my child, what kind of stupid mistake have I made?
It hadn’t been long since I had promised Iris in front of Iris that I would be responsible for all the women who had a relationship with me, that I would make them happier than all of my previous lives put together, but I realized that I had already made a mistake like this. It seems so pathetic –
“…Cain!”
Ignoring the voice calling me from behind, I got myself up and ran out of the room.
pathetic. Cowardly. It’s petty. I felt so stupid that I had the urge to beat myself up. didn’t you know Even though I didn’t experience it myself, I had a glimpse of the past that Ariel experienced through ‘String’ and I knew well what kind of life she had with me.
Am I really a guy who has a thing called thoughts, who looked at another woman with a baby in front of her with loving eyes, cared only for the other woman, and talked without thinking about the future she and I would create in the future?
I know better than anyone how Ariel must have looked at me and Iris, and I, who should understand her better than anyone else in the world and be on her side, ended up being the main culprit driving her to the brink. I feel so pathetic and pathetic about myself, and nausea rises to the end of my throat.
“Ha, damn, f*ck-”
ran ran again
The nature of the Duke of Estelle, which normally felt so cramped, felt too wide today. I looked around Ariel’s room, the places she usually frequented, and all the places where she was likely to be, but I couldn’t find any trace of her in her true nature.
“…..”
Unknowingly, I looked out the window. Outside, a drizzling rain was pouring down. Even though winter had already passed, the rain falling from the sky was very cold and the breath I exhaled was so white that I thought that the heat would freeze.
“Ariel.”
There was neither the time nor the mind to pack an umbrella. I jumped into the rain without any hesitation. Currently, the only thing in my head was the desire to find her as soon as possible and check her appearance.
“ha. ha-“
recklessly running around However, that didn’t mean I was running in the rain mindlessly. My steps were running aimlessly in search of her whereabouts, but my head was furiously guessing where she might be.
Even so, it would not have left the Duke of Estelle at all. It was clear that she wanted to be alone. I guessed that he wanted to have time to organize complicated thoughts for a while, avoiding the attention of others.
…No, he himself, who wanted to believe that it must be so, was here.
“Ariel.”
In my mind, the last time I had with her came to mind clearly.
The promenade I walked with you, the sea I visited with you, and our small and insignificant but comfortable nest.
I could find traces of you everywhere in the memories I remember, and I could recall your traces.
Right now, I was running around looking for you.
…Even if I did find her, I didn’t know what to say to her or how to talk to her.
Even so, I ran, ran, and ran to find her.
Eventually, I was able to find you.
“…..”
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My feet stopped.
In the patronage behind the duke’s family, in a place that is not easily seen by others even there.
She was standing alone in the pouring rain.
…As soon as I saw her, I realized why she was standing alone in a place like this without saying anything.
The place where she is standing now is the same place that day when we first met and talked.
After being cornered and cornered, did this place become the only resting place for Ariel, who had nowhere else to go?
…No, the person who drove her to this point was none other than myself. On the subject of boasting that I would take responsibility for you, the biggest problem was myself for not even noticing what the woman closest to me was thinking.
“…Ariel.”
I take one step forward towards her. And only then did Ariel, who recognized my appearance, stare blankly at me-
“…Don’t come any closer. Don’t come any closer to me. please…”
And from me like that, Ariel desperately took a step back. As if it would never be allowed to close the distance beyond this.
“…..”
In an instant, he stopped involuntarily. I didn’t stop because of her words. Because he saw something in her eyes, he finally stopped.
…She was crying. He was crying in the pouring rain.
No, I’m not crying. i made her cry
Because of me alone, she was shedding tears right now.
Seeing her crying face for the first time in my life was enough to really break my heart.
And that’s all I can do for her.
“…Let’s go back. What are you going to do if you catch a cold?”
At most, he reached out his hand towards her and took another step forward.
“…Cain.”
Only then did Ariel raise her head and look at me. A mixture of rainwater and tears dripped down her face.
“I’m sorry. And it’s okay. You don’t have to forcefully take care of me, and you don’t have to be so heartbroken because of me. Because I don’t deserve to be treated like that by you.”
“…What.”
“I heard everything from Kyrie. Why are you behaving the way you are, how you are, and how you treat others in such ambiguous ways, everything…”
White breath was rising in the air. Only then did I realize She wasn’t blaming me now, nor was she trying to rebuke me for a mistake I had just made.
“Actually, you don’t remember, do you? You weren’t recalling the memories you had with us, you were just pretending to remember them, right?”
Ariel was just scolding herself and thinking of herself as a sinner. And since no one reproached him for that, he was imposing punishment on himself.
“Kyrie said so. It can be said that our return to the past beyond time is a kind of miracle, but did you really think it would be possible for such a terrible miracle to happen that even you recall all the memories you had with us? Even if such a miracle did happen, did you think it would happen without any cost-”
At Ariel’s words, I gently closed my eyes.
…Yes. It’s really unfortunate, but Kyrie was right. After that day with Bianca, as a side effect of the magic Bianca cast on me, I forgot a few colors of memory.
In exchange for him, I was able to sense the ‘string’ connected to Kyrie and glimpse various memories connected through him.
However, it was a ‘record’ to the end, not a memory. By analogy, the act of accepting my memory was no different from reading a book. The ‘me’ in the memory I accepted was clear to me, but at the same time I couldn’t say that it was completely the same person as ‘the present me’. To that extent, there was a sense of gap between the present me and the me in the memory that could not be filled.
…but what does that even matter? Before time was turned back, ‘Cain’, who was with Ariel, made a promise to her. to come see her again. to love her again to fall in love with her again.
“Of course, since you don’t care about that, you’ll accept me again. And you will love me as much as you did before.”
“But do you know this? I am actually a very ugly woman. Do you know what was the first thought that came to my mind last night when I heard the news that the princess had a baby before me?”
And that oath never went away. Beyond time, beyond space, the promise I made with Ariel was still clearly visible. That’s why I fought swords against Iris, who was trying to monopolize me. In my life so far, in order not to miss again what I lost and dropped.
“I wanted to kill you. I wanted to get rid of it. Tia, I hated the princess’s child, who would come into the world before that child and who would monopolize your love first, and I was so jealous that I couldn’t stand it. I am also a mother, and even though I knew very well how precious the existence of a child was to a mother, even though I knew very well that I shouldn’t-”
“Such a bad thought, I just threw it away.”
So, the answer was already decided from the beginning. If Ariel doesn’t trust herself, is tormented by her love for me, and can’t forgive herself in the end.
“I am greedy. I’m just an ugly woman who can’t shake off the memory of monopolizing you and sends jealousy to other women. If you continue like this, I will only become an obstacle in the future you are creating.”
“So, so, I am. I deserve to be by your side-”
Her words don’t follow.
It was because I gently hugged her coldly cooled body from the rain. I quietly cover her mouth, which was filled with hesitation and guilt, with mine. It was a promise with her that I would forgive all your sins and share your responsibilities.
“…sorry. I’m really sorry. my thoughts were short I should have given you at least as much as I did for you, I should have been on your side, but I’m sorry I didn’t think of you as a person.”
“…Cain.”
Ariel’s body is drained of power. Despite being able to push me far enough, her arms were hanging limp and showing no signs of rising. Ariel’s eyes were just silently closed, as if penitent.
“You are right. I don’t have any memories of ‘Cain’ with you. But still, I do remember one thing. Years later, I swore with you. I will always believe in you, and I will trust you. This is my answer.”
“…And what did you say? That he himself is nothing more than a very bad greedy man. Actually, that’s me too. I am also a greedy person, so I have no desire to let go of the person you are. So I’ll take care of you to the end as you please. And this is the most crucial reason…”
In her ear, I whisper in a very small voice.
“In this lifetime, we haven’t met Tia yet. So, I can’t let you go So you don’t mind anything else-“
“You can only look at me. I will be your one and only reason.”
In response to my answer, Ariel just blankly stares at my face. With my hair wet from the pouring rain, all I can think about is how unsightly my face will look in her eyes.
“…because you’re such a foolish and stupid person. You will definitely regret it. what happened today. All.”
A groan that sounds like a lament.
“…No regrets. Never, no regrets.”
“…..”
The rain stops. Even though the weather slowly cleared and the sun gradually began to shine, I did not loosen my arms that were holding her. And she, too, no longer showed any movement.
“…Cain.”
Whether it’s because of the raindrops or the tears, she looks up at me with wet eyes.
“…Then, can you embrace me tonight?”
“Tiaga, I miss you so much. That too right now.”
