70 – Lost hope, in its place
“…There’s something I was curious about.
Did I by any chance have a last name?”
“Wright, Russell Wright.
I am Isaac Wright. “Your mother is Dubelle Wright.”
Light, Ira.
But there was no light in front of me.
What can we expect in a dark hallway?
In this place where countless moments can only be repeated without permission,
I can’t even do anything properly.
My ankle wrapped around the dragon’s tail,
Even now, my mother was faintly telling me that she was shaking with anxiety.
“… Let me tell you one thing, her grandmother passed away.
In the cold winter.”
Was it already expected?
There was no significant change in the faces of the people in front.
…With what kind of feelings did you leave me?
Is there anything you would like to say?
What is the reason you came here now?
And how on earth did you find this place?
I should have asked that.
The desire to do so has disappeared.
“My grandmother often said harsh words.
When I look for my mom and dad, I wonder why on earth I’m looking for them.
Do you still not know that you were abandoned?
She insisted like that.”
“What I threw away – “
“You know very well that even if you say that now, it’s useless.”
She brought out her magic that made her mother happy.
…It wasn’t just blurry.
The rope was so weak and thin that it seemed as if it would blow around in the wind and break at any moment.
On the other hand, to my mother who hugs me from behind…
There were so many threads that it could be said that I was tied up.
“This magic connects me to things I have a connection with.
I believe you know what it means.”
My mother calmly pushed me from behind and said nothing.
Maybe she thought she didn’t have to,
Or are you just licking your lips in happiness?
Or is it both?
“Have you ever been to my house?”
There was no answer.
“My grandmother’s grave is there.
I can’t take you inside the collapsing house,
I buried it under dirt and stones only after a snow storm had passed.
…I guess you didn’t know.”
“Because I didn’t see it.”
Did I finally realize what I was feeling?
Slowly, tears began to fall from my bowed head.
“I was ten years old.
I almost froze to death with her grandmother.
Wearing layers of clothes that barely amounted to the remaining rags,
I still don’t know how I was going to get through that cold winter day.
But, the first time I thought I was going to die like this… That was probably the first time.
There is no one around to help,
Thinking of the faces of my parents, who I could vaguely remember or not remember,
I tried to somehow get through the snow and go down to the village.
Until I met my current mother.”
The day the injured dragon became my family,
And the day I called that dragon my mother,
I remembered it well.
But the two in front of me were not there.
On the day when I desperately found someone to comfort me,
On that day when I wanted someone to drive away the cold wind and give me warmth,
There were no parents.
“I thought I would be happy.
It will definitely be nice to meet Mom and Dad,
I believed there would be a lot of things I wanted to ask.”
“Ooh, we -“
“I’m not like that.”
I felt dejected rather than sad.
Rather than being happy, I felt resentful.
I remembered the moments when I was blowing white breath and trying my best to keep my fingers from freezing.
It was even more so when I saw the people I called my parents in front of my eyes.
When I see the dragon on my back, I feel a warmth that is too much to bear.
The people in front of me… I hated them.
The misfortune that broke my hopes,
Things that took away my opportunity,
The moments that took away the days of dreaming,
I feel like it’s all their fault.
“…Were you happy? During that time?
Was life comfortable without me?”
“I’ve never had anything like that before,
It didn’t feel like living while grumbling, fighting, and living every day – “
“That’s why you’re right in front of me.”
Barbed words were spat out.
The harsh words that were not even spoken to my mother hit those in front of me hard.
I saw the trembling head and the tears flowing,
I didn’t really try to understand that.
I didn’t want to understand.
“And, it wasn’t particularly difficult for me either.
From Noble mtl dot com
After I almost froze to death, I was happy every day.”
“Russell…”
To my mother, who stretches out her long tongue and tickles the side of my lips,
I kissed.
Slowly ride up until you meet.
“…She’s my mom.
Now… It’s more than that.
You raised me by my side for nine years,
Please love me, love me more…
She confessed that she was not enough as a mother.”
Trembling at every word,
As the yellow eyes shine brighter,
I placed my lips on the dragon’s cheek, which made my neck vibrate pleasantly.
“A lot of things happened.
I learned so much while living together,
It was a very brief moment, but I was scolded harshly for a brief deviation.
I realized how heavy my heart was…
I engraved in my heart that there are definitely things in the world that don’t go as planned.
It hurts a little.”
My neck did not tremble.
My nose didn’t feel sore either.
But in the unblinking eyes,
The last drop ran down my cheek.
“If you had been by my side that day, this story might have been a lot different.
I tried to run away, unable to admit that the person I thought of as my mother loved me.
Seeing so many people die and get hurt right in front of my eyes.
I believed that he only chose harsh stories because he wanted to keep me away from people on purpose.
Learning how young and foolish I was.
The world is much more dangerous and scary than I thought,
Heroic stories sound beautiful because they are lies –
Now, I know.”
The courage I had built in my heart disappeared.
The past of trying to push her mother away was erased by her kiss and the contact of her body.
A picture of a great wizard drawn on pure white drawing paper.
With her mother by her side and the person who might become my companion in one of her hands –
The novel-like scene where I face my parents who came to visit me after becoming famous…
“I won’t say it’s your fault.
But,
I want to blame you.
I want to hate you.
It’s all your fault,
Why did you leave me alone?
Why did you abandon me and my grandmother and make it like this? – “
The red dragon spread its wings wide and embraced me.
Painted red on all sides,
Smiling while holding both my hands –
She was my mother behind my back.
And now, she smiles so much that the corners of her mouth go from ear to ear.
“Heh, heh, heh…”
“…What did you do?
What did you do to my son?!”
An empty cry echoed through the dark hallway.
But it wasn’t my mom who answered that.
“Do nothing,
You didn’t do anything.
You never hurt me, abandoned me, or pushed me away.
From the beginning, he just wanted to hold you in his arms and give you love.”
“You understand, Russell, finally, now…”
I felt a dark mark being left on the nape of my neck.
I released the power that had been in my hands.
Like a picture drawn on drawing paper, I slowly raised my hand and gently touched my mother’s cheek.
“Ugh, huh, ah…”
Smooth and soft skin.
Your appearance has become brighter than ever.
The dragon in love got what he wanted,
That’s why it shined.
“You left without even teaching me what love is.
There is no need to look at it like that.”
“…Russell, you – “
“I just want to be loved.
There’s… Nothing strange about that, right?”
I saw that the meaning of the wish that I had spoken about was gradually being colored by a red and squishy desire.
At one time, I somehow wiped away, pushed away,
I refused to let the red dragon approach me as a woman rather than a mother,
Now I have the strength to do that,
Map of,
Everything was broken.
“Pushing it out only makes it more painful.
Rejection will only make you sadder.
The sight of someone who loves me holding their heart and crying…”
The embrace that had once felt uncomfortable was now warm once again.
On a cold winter day, the caressing hands that blocked the biting wind were warming my body.
Disappointment, in the empty space that came after it,
Mom immediately filled herself in.
Like opening a hole in a cave you like,
Like that.
“People were talking about it.
It is said that the evil dragon forcibly captures the boy and tries to ravage him.
They are trying to take away that innocence and use it as their plaything as they please.
How do you think your appearance is any different from those words…!
Really, the existence of a mother is desperate to rape her son.
You don’t think it’s something like that, do you?”
As if overcome by evil, Mrs. Wright gritted her teeth and spewed out her words.
The wind that leaks roughly between my teeth sharpens,
I turned to my mother.
“Look, Russell.
Now I have nothing to say, just turn the blade on me.”
“…I will answer.”
“I’ve already done enough, come on…”
It wet her dry mouth.
In the bitter sight before my eyes, the sweet taste became something to fill the wound.
Now I feel comfortable.
The embrace that the dragon opened to me.
“Dirty b*tch, impatient and horny because she couldn’t catch and eat her son who was much younger than her – “
He didn’t hesitate to say things that were much more thorny than mine.
But it seemed as if her mother had already closed her ears,
She hummed her nose happily and lightly bit my lip.
“I can’t believe your disgusting appearance, but there are beings who don’t love and hate a boy who is so kind,
There is no one else in this world but you two.
Look at the prisoner just looking pitifully behind him.
A poor demon hunter whose mouth is drooling and his eyes are sparkling.
To the point where I covet a woman who risked her life and fought countless threats,
Your son is beyond adorable.
You abandoned this child in that cold house.
Aren’t you embarrassed?”
“Ugh…!!”
The woman who got up from her seat and rushed towards her fell to the floor in an instant.
Her rope came from somewhere, grabbed her arm, and pulled her away.
“Give my child back! It’s mine, not yours!!”
“Russell is not an object.
Shouldn’t we listen to this child’s opinion?”
She was a little moved by those words.
Even my mom, she pushed herself to the point where she tried to break my opinion.
She was a little angry that she said that.
But, I…
“Stop it now… Go.
It wasn’t nice to meet you, but at least… I’m grateful.
Now I can completely tie the knot.”
It’s been a long time since I got old enough to figure out which ending is happier.
The dragon’s cave has now become my home.
