507 A Nightmarish Night
Selma Payne’s POV:
Being lectured by a child who looked only two years old was a rather comical scene. However, I couldn’t smile because I knew Cynthia was right.
I’d become weak, and I’d become more indecisive as time went by.
Cynthia calmly looked at me. Her almond-shaped eyes didn’t carry any of the innocence of a child. Instead, she was so rational that even I found it hard to look at her directly.
She said, “I understand your concern for me, but Mother, the probability of this happening is even lower than if I were to buy a lottery ticket and win the first prize. To prevent that one in ten thousand chance of an accident, will you give up the remaining nine thousand nine hundred and ninety percent chance of survival?
“To be honest, Father – General Aldrich is just a stranger to me without any blood relations. All my love and worry for him comes from you. Your influence on me is already so deeply rooted. As for yourself, how deep must your ardent longing for Father be? At the last moment, you retracted yourself into your turtle shell. Are you afraid of failure? Or are you already used to the current situation and would rather guard a breathing dead person for the one in ten thousand chance of an accident than gamble on a good outcome with a large possibility of success?
“That’s why I think you’ve changed, Mother. You were so decisive and brave when you fought against Azazel. Perhaps because you’ve taken too many lives, this has become your nightmare at night, constantly eating away at your willpower. But are you going to be defeated by them like this? Step back bit by bit, slowly forget your original decisive self, let the ghosts expand in your world without limit, and let yourself be buried with them in the future?”
Unknowingly, my face was already covered in tears.
How could I not know that Cynthia was right? I once thought I could return to my powerful self after I fused with Madeline, but I was wrong. The power only made my armor stronger, but my heart was still as fragile as a piece of tofu. It trembled and shivered under the protection of the layers of armor. No one needed to hurt it before it slowly cracked and shattered into a pile of sticky debris.
I knew this wasn’t right, just like how people with mental illness know they were sick. However, no medicine could cure me. No medicine could drive away the vengeful spirit in my heart.
Their deaths weren’t my fault. I understood this, but I couldn’t get rid of this darkness. I was like a rabbit in a swamp, struggling on my deathbed, only to sink deeper and deeper.
Such a gentle and melodramatic mentality made me sick, so I hated myself even more, making my obsession deeper and deeper.
I tried to correct myself. I drowned myself with endless work, diverted my attention by fighting against the Evaria Family, and healed my heart that was riddled with holes with the innocent smiles of children.
However, there would still be a silent midnight when I couldn’t find any driftwood to climb on. I would drift alone and fearfully in the vast ocean of my dreams, watching as the water drowned frightened faces.
Then, the furious undead congealed into a thick rope and wrapped itself around my body, making me unable to move at all. It then dragged me into the cold, dark abyss.
This was something that had never happened before. This was just my fantasy.
This was my lingering fear, something that could have happened in another timeline. It passed through the barriers of time and space, punishing me by making me pay the price for me in another time and space.
I’d asked for help, but neither my parents nor Miss Marcy could help me. I couldn’t collapse just like that, so I forced a smile and did everything possible to pretend I had completely walked out of it.
But only I knew I was gradually rotting, like a weed soaked in flood.
I thought that I could continue living like this, but Cynthia came. She was the creation of my flesh and power. She was connected to my heart. She knew everything about me, just like how I knew her.
I had nowhere to hide in front of her.
I suddenly wanted to escape from Cynthia. Why did she expose everything? My pretense and false peace crumbled at this moment.
I couldn’t run away anymore. I couldn’t pretend to be the little girl who jumped into the river to commit suicide. I no longer had that right. Whether I wanted to or not, countless factors pushed me forward. Whether I wanted to or not, there were some things I must do.
“I pretended that everything was fine, everything… Whether it was my heart that was riddled with holes or Aldrich’s life that was so close to the edge of the cliff.
“I…”
I wanted to say something, but I couldn’t.
Defend?
Escape?
Now that things had come to this, what choice did I have left?
I didn’t want to think about it. This highlighted a fact: I had undoubtedly become weak, and I even tried to numb myself by avoiding the truth.
I had no other choice.
“… Alright, alright, this moment would come anyway. I know…”
I mumbled to myself. After a long while, I met Cynthia’s silent gaze.
